sleep deprivationmaxxing

[nails]

i vaguely mentioned my routine in a previous post. i have truly discovered the life meta.
i feel like shit but this is positive. i felt like shit before, but my physical symptoms are much worse. still, it's much better this way. it's either this or multiple anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns every day, the right option is obvious.
the things that stay in my mknd and make me feel like shit are still there, i'm still bothered by different things that occur, but i react differently. i notice myself feeling a sense of dread over minuscule or random things. i still feel very upset like i want to cry, i can feel the sadness in my head and chest, but i just don't have the energy to express it. at most, i yap a bit in the sanctuary or under another thread. i put most of my energy towards my job because that's what needs it most. i used to get so distracted by my thoughts and feel very emotional at work, but i'm just focused on trying to stay awake.
i also don't have to worry about panicking before going to sleep because when i let myself sleep, it's basically instant.
i think everyone is assuming that i'm on drugs or something, but i don't have the energy to worry about rhat either.

i wanted to add another layer to this, like restricting food or water or doing something else that ensures constant discomfort. i just need to stop thinking until ctb. i'm a little worried about driving, though.

i need to read soon lol. i'm not exactly sure if i'm becoming a christian or not. a lot of the stuff writtten in the bible doesn't make much sense, i still really enjoy it and feel connected to the words.
this might just be the strat

 

[hurts2b]

Meditation might be up your alley, or listening to audio recordings of religious texts.

 

[PanaxMan]

i vaguely mentioned my routine in a previous post. i have truly discovered the life meta.
i feel like shit but this is positive. i felt like shit before, but my physical symptoms are much worse. still, it's much better this way. it's either this or multiple anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns every day, the right option is obvious.
the things that stay in my mknd and make me feel like shit are still there, i'm still bothered by different things that occur, but i react differently. i notice myself feeling a sense of dread over minuscule or random things. i still feel very upset like i want to cry, i can feel the sadness in my head and chest, but i just don't have the energy to express it. at most, i yap a bit in the sanctuary or under another thread. i put most of my energy towards my job because that's what needs it most. i used to get so distracted by my thoughts and feel very emotional at work, but i'm just focused on trying to stay awake.
i also don't have to worry about panicking before going to sleep because when i let myself sleep, it's basically instant.
i think everyone is assuming that i'm on drugs or something, but i don't have the energy to worry about rhat either.

i wanted to add another layer to this, like restricting food or water or doing something else that ensures constant discomfort. i just need to stop thinking until ctb. i'm a little worried about driving, though.

i need to read soon lol. i'm not exactly sure if i'm becoming a christian or not. a lot of the stuff writtten in the bible doesn't make much sense, i still really enjoy it and feel connected to the words.
this might just be the strat

This is going to be forced on me unironicially within a week or so. It's gonna feel weird becoming a hermit again

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I really relate to this. Needing to knacker myself or 'earn' sleep so it happens more naturally. My tactics are shift work, where my shifts are 12h and switch between days and nights and I can pick up overtime quite often too. Almost gives me an excuse/explanation for being all over/inconsistent - at least (to anyone else) I can simply put it down to 'I'm a shift worker'...

And also exercising a lot. Annoyingly shifting baseline means I seem to get fitter and stronger and thus don't get so tired from it, but equally it can calm my brain that I have 'done' enough in the day and so I 'must' be tired by now.

Its exhausting in many more ways than one! (But somehow less exhausting to be exhausted than be trying to process things?!?) Sending you hugs nails

 

[nails]

Meditation might be up your alley, or listening to audio recordings of religious texts.

i don't think i can meditate, i'd end up spiraling. sitting with my thoughts just drives me crazy, it's what made sleep so difficult. thank you for the recommendations.