Sitting on the fence

[BlackSeraphim]

I've been in this community for a little over a month now and this is my first thread. When I joined, my suicidal ideations were starting to take form into an actual plan, but I started to get back on the fence when I heard that a close friend of mine had a minor heart attack. He's ok now, but it gave me pause as I considered what news of my suicide could do to him.

Going into this year, my work / life balance has descended into chaos and I have started taking Bupropion just to get out of bed and do what I need to do each day. Last night I upset my girlfriend when I told her that I don't have the bandwidth to plan anything for Valentine's Day, or much of anything for that matter.

I'm still on the fence about actually putting my plan into motion, but regardless of that I need to figure out how to maintain appearances and not put my pain and suffering onto others. Are there any forms of meditation / medication / therapy / some kind of activity that this community would recommend? Thank you.

 

[Manaaja]

Exercise and eat healthily and all kinds of things.

As for special things, make sure your room air is fresh and clean. Trust me, few things make you feel physically and mentally worse than mildew/mold/unclean air.

Do different things. It's not good for brain to only do the same thing and see the same things every day.

Take note of what upsets you. If certain news or topics or sites or anything upsets you, avoid them. There was this one site years ago that really affected my mental well-being negatively and I felt much better after I quit reading it.

Also, ask for a massage from your gf. (not sexual massage, but proper massage). It helps a lot both mentally and physically. And hug more often. Physical touch helps a lot.

I hope your friend is doing well.

 

[timf]

Do different things.

This is pretty good advice. Sometimes thoughts of an approaching exit can free a person to try things that they would not otherwise consider. You might discover an artistic or musical ability. You might more freely express the love in your heart that you otherwise would have allowed to be unspoken. Who knows, you might discover something that turns things around for you.