Sitting in my truck with a 12ga

[its-about-time]

Just picked up buckshot. I've had the shotgun a couple months now. I signed the titles to everything I own before I left and left all my money out. Short note describing that. I can't tell what to do. I'm sick of going back and forth. Once you're dead you're just dead. No more having to decide. How glorious. I'm wondering if I should go home and start drinking and take some benzos. But I worry I won't do it that way. Can't die at home. There are kids on the property. But I could walk a little ways, it's just forest near the property. Get drunk and xanny'd up first. Hard to miss even when intoxicated. I've put the gun in my mouth and it's easy to grab the trigger. Nothing feels worth sticking around.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Sat down with your back against a tree would make it easier for you to do the deed! Whatever you decide may you find peace

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering I hope you find peace whatever you decide

 

[its-about-time]

Sat down with your back against a tree would make it easier for you to do the deed! Whatever you decide may you find peace

Good tip. Thanks. It's a short barrel. Easy reach. Not too concerned about aim. It's going in my mouth and facing up slightly. Buckshot will do the rest lol. I grabbed some beer and am again sitting in my truck now drinking.

 

[botch3d]

Wish I had one of those . Peace to you

 

[its-about-time]

Wish I had one of those . Peace to you

Should be easier than it feels

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra

 

[Shivali]

 

[Ligottian]

Sat down with your back against a tree would make it easier for you to do the deed! Whatever you decide may you find peace

A distant uncle of mine was said to have used that method nearly a hundred years ago. A peach tree.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope you can find peace with either decision and wish you a smooth journey if you decide it's time.

 

[its-about-time]

I hope you can find peace with either decision and wish you a smooth journey if you decide it's time.

It's like every day I decide "yes I want this" but the physical action is just so hard. But if I do it I won't have to keep deciding. It'll just be over.

 

[ksp]

will some practice shots help? see how it feels pulling the trigger..
in your place, i'd try to get comfortable with both: the thought and the physical action

edit:

'…once-popular headstone inscription… been trying to find it but can't… in Latin though, means something like "I was here, there was nothing, then I left." Wish I could find it.'

i think you're thinking of: 'veni, vidi, vici'

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I really hope you find peace dude wish I could help in some way to make you feel somewhat ok I know it's impossible...sorry your suffering sending hugs

 

[its-about-time]

Per ardua ad astra

I had to look that up. I like it. Reminds me of a once-popular headstone inscription… been trying to find it but can't… in Latin though, means something like "I was here, there was nothing, then I left." Wish I could find it.

will some practice shots help? see how it feels pulling the triggerg..
in your place, i'd try to get comfortable with both: the thought and the physical action

I've thought about taking it out to shoot some fruits or something. I've heard it's not good to pull the trigger dry. I could put it on safety and put it in my mouth and pull it. Practicing would help you're right.

Per ardua ad astra

@ksp i found it… non fui, fui, non sum, non curo. "I was not, I was, I am not, I do not care"

 

[Traveler VII]

It's like every day I decide "yes I want this" but the physical action is just so hard. But if I do it I won't have to keep deciding. It'll just be over.

The massive, internal gulf hovering between where we are and where we want to be.

 

[its-about-time]

The massive, internal gulf hovering between where we are and where we want to be.

One measly pull of a trigger away!

 

[ksp]

i just saw your other post on my other thread, and i'll respond to that as well

i know you've been thinking about this, so it's not impulsive
trying to put myself in your shoes:
- i know what i want
- i know i have the means to do it, and no one can stop me now

do i deserve a week of a vacation? (i know i do, not sure about you)
i can do it next week too (this will help let it 'sink in'), and next sunday i'll be ready

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wanting to be gone from this life are understandable, I see nothing more ideal than never having to exist ever again. To me the gun does sound like a difficult method to actually go through with. But at least you have the option right there for when the time is right for you to leave this world. I wish you the best.

 

[its-about-time]

i just saw your other post on my other thread, and i'll respond to that as well

i know you've been thinking about this, so it's not impulsive
trying to put myself in your shoes:
- i know what i want
- i know i have the means to do it, and no one can stop me now

do i deserve a week of a vacation? (i know i do, not sure about you)
i can do it next week too (this will help let it 'sink in'), and next sunday i'll be ready

Thank you. It's been settling in for months. I became quite comfortable with my SN since March, before deciding in august/September that I'd like to remove my brain from my skull. It feels more symbolic. I have been sure of this decision for months now. But perhaps acquainting myself with the gun is in order. My SN felt scary until I properly acquainted myself with it. Perhaps I'll spend today really picturing myself going through with it, with this gun, and seeing if I can get comfortable with it and perhaps set a date that I can strive for soon.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry, I'm right There with you. Sitting in my deer blind with my 7 - 08 ready. It's crazy. I know. Thoughts and prayers to you always

 

[its-about-time]

I'm sorry, I'm right There with you. Sitting in my deer blind with my 7 - 08 ready. It's crazy. I know. Thoughts and prayers to you always

It is crazy. It feels so heavy but so simple at the same time. Do you have worries?

 

[Huntfish34]

Yep. Exactly, I agree. Nailed it on the head. The Very fact that it is so simple..... is what scares the Fck out of me.

How much time do you have? Lol. I have Many.. Manyy worries sadly.

 

[its-about-time]

Yep. Exactly, I agree. Nailed it on the head. The Very fact that it is so simple..... is what scares the Fck out of me.

How much time do you have? Lol. I have Many.. Manyy worries sadly.

Seems too simple a move for such a life changing (..ending) decision. It's like pushing a button to end the world. Except it's a tiny little trigger and the world that's ending is only yours.

 

[Huntfish34]

Very.... extremely well put. I couldn't agree with you anymore. So simple, yet so far away -

 

[Willto]

I wish I had one like that. You have the option to do what you want. Whatever you choose, may peace be upon you

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry its-about-time. It shouldn't be this way, you didn't deserve this. Hope you find peace either way my friend.

 

[its-about-time]

Very.... extremely well put. I couldn't agree with you anymore. So simple, yet so far away -

You still up in that deer blind, friend?

 

[Willto]

Are you still with us?

 

[its-about-time]

Are you still with us?

Unfortunately. I'm feeling angry about it. Blah

 

[czx85]

I got my lovely 12 gauge too. Think about using hollow point bullets atm. Which bullet would you choose?