Story SI is real

[sevenkarmas]

I tell myself I'm not afraid to die. And I honestly believe that to be true. I traveled to a well-known national park in the US to CTB this week. I ended up cutting the time there short because I have to delay due to some paperwork that I need to complete. However I actually faced death on two occasions and both times I thought "this is going to hurt really bad".

1. I was staying at a dispersed campsite. A dispersed campsite is public lands that people can camp on, but typically have no resources (no water, no electric). The camp sites were pretty spread out. My nearest neighbor was at least half a mile down the road from me. Signs everywhere tell you to watch out for bears. Don't have open food in your tent/car as it attracts bears. These are grizzly and black bears. Black bears will attack humans, but are typically not aggressive unless provoked. Grizzlies on the other hand are pissed off at the world and will rip the doors off of your car just to kill you.

I'm laying on my mattress in my vehicle when I hear it. It keeps rubbing up against the car and sniffing and chuffing. I can hear it trying to smell inside the cracked window. I used the car alarm to try to scare it off, and it would leave momentarily, but then come back after a few minutes. The whole time I'm thinking how awful it is that I'm going to get eaten by a bear. Once I scared it off again, I climbed over the seats into the driver seat with no socks, shoes, shirt or pants on and drove out as fast as I could.

2. I drove 15 hours the following day to get home. I was 30 minutes from my house when a kid in a Dodge Charger came off the on ramp doing 80 miles per hour and crossed three lanes of traffic, forcing me off of the interstate. I was driving 80 miles per hour (it's 75 on this road). Again, all I could think of is that it was going to hurt if he clipped me or I rolled the vehicle. I regained control and was able to get back on the highway.

SI is real. I could have checked out and been already over.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yes. Though I think there is a difference between SI and fear of dying a painful death. Being eaten by a bear is one of the worst ways to die.

 

[Stuckinpast28]

Well yeah, your brain and your consciousness are two different things. Although your consciousness might want to die, your brain definitely doesn't want to. It takes a lot of willpower to overcome SI, that, or a lot of drugs. However, some people are so far in depression that the brain SI doesn't activate though I'm not sure how far you need to be for that to happen,

 

[Worndown]

It is real and a real bastard. It lets you get your confidence up then kicks you in the heart. A worthy adversary.

 

[Addi_Madd]

Yeah I don't think it's as much pure survival instinct as not wanting death to be extremely painful.

If you presented a lot of us with a button and a guarantee that if we pressed it we would instantly drop dead, no sensation of pain whatsoever, I think a lot of us would do it.

But that button doesn't exist, or it's out of reach for the majority of people. The most accessible methods all involve physical pain - whether it be guaranteed or a high risk of it - and aren't instantaneous, or have too much of a risk of failure.

It's more like there's a button and if you press it you will die but there's a chance you could experience up to, like, an hour of the worst physical pain of your entire life, first, and once you press the button you can't cancel it, you have to endure whatever happens before it does its job and you cease to exist. It might be no pain, it might be less than a minute, it might be the full hour or even more.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe some of the "SI" you experienced was because going out on your own terms was, potentially, being taken away from you.

 

[Orbitc]

Yeah I don't think it's as much pure survival instinct as not wanting death to be extremely painful.

If you presented a lot of us with a button and a guarantee that if we pressed it we would instantly drop dead, no sensation of pain whatsoever, I think a lot of us would do it.

But that button doesn't exist, or it's out of reach for the majority of people. The most accessible methods all involve physical pain - whether it be guaranteed or a high risk of it - and aren't instantaneous, or have too much of a risk of failure.

It's more like there's a button and if you press it you will die but there's a chance you could experience up to, like, an hour of the worst physical pain of your entire life, first, and once you press the button you can't cancel it, you have to endure whatever happens before it does its job and you cease to exist. It might be no pain, it might be less than a minute, it might be the full hour or even more.

Absolutely agree with your opinion. I had no self-preservation instinct until my first attempt. I was absolutely sure that a few hundred tablets of digoxin would kill me, but this did not happen. Now I know that trying ctb can be painful and I'm afraid. If I had a button, I would press it if it was a 100% guarantee

 

[FuneralCry]

The survival instinct certainly is real, it's like the SI exists just to prolong suffering but anyway being killed by an animal like that sounds terrifying, I cannot imagine someone not fearing a death like that even if they don't fear dying on their own terms.