SI and anxiety is the WORST.

[hfdepression30]

Whenever I get into the mindset that I'm going to go for it, I always get shortly overcome by that shaky nervous feeling inside - I can feel it in my hands and chest. I guess it feels like nerves before a job interview, or your first day at school, work or before anything important. I assume it's the survival instinct kicking in.

I've just bought a bottle of wine to try and give myself a bit of dutch courage then I'll try and attempt at some point tonight. I don't know how it's going to go, I don't know if I'll back out or manage to go through with it, but we'll see what happens later.. still I just feel so bad that me or any of us have to go through what we do that we only see suicide as an exit from our pain, I wish we were able to live happily but it's just not realistic, at least not for me. I want escape but I do feel scared about the action of doing it - I know we all do though..

 

[Hyperbunny]

yes i feel the same
plus i keep having hope things will improve even when i know thats not realistic

 

[WornOutLife]

Alcohol, sleeping pills, and anti-depressants was what allowed me to try to ctb last year.
They really help to supress SI and anxiety!

 

[sadgirl9999]

Alcohol, sleeping pills, and anti-depressants was what allowed me to try to ctb last year.
They really help to supress SI and anxiety!

how many sleeping pills? and how many antidepressants?? do they work that quickly? i wish i kept bottles of my old ones, i've tried so many. and was even prescribed benzos like xanax due to panic attacks, but i don't have any now. besides lamictal, a mood stabilizer haha i'm going to take 3-4 shots i think because i'm a lightweight...

 

[hfdepression30]

Alcohol, sleeping pills, and anti-depressants was what allowed me to try to ctb last year.
They really help to supress SI and anxiety!

I've never been able to get hold of anti depressants or sleeping pills - I never visit my GP/Doctor. I'm sure there are places online to get them but I never made the effort to look

 

[Soulless Angel]

I have read that drinking can help over come SI, I call bullshit on that, I over came SI by simply putting myself into a dark place, I do remember back in 2019, before I seriously attempted, going to the toilet too often before hand, damn that was frustrating, BAM build myself up and my body needs the toilet, to my point and that was a 15 min walk, 5 toilet trips later (seriously!) I was able to get to the point of ending it!

 

[hfdepression30]

I have read that drinking can help over come SI, I call bullshit on that, I over came SI by simply putting myself into a dark place, I do remember back in 2019, before I seriously attempted, going to the toilet too often before hand, damn that was frustrating, BAM build myself up and my body needs the toilet, to my point and that was a 15 min walk, 5 toilet trips later (seriously!) I was able to get to the point of ending it!

Oh relatable. Sometimes when I'm nervous or anxious I need to use the bathroom frequently also. I'm not a big drinker or regular drinker, but I'm drinking red wine this evening to shake to nerves off since I don't have any medication to take the edge off. I want to attempt later tonight

 

[Soulless Angel]

Oh relatable. Sometimes when I'm nervous or anxious I need to use the bathroom frequently also. I'm not a big drinker or regular drinker, but I'm drinking red wine this evening to shake to nerves off since I don't have any medication to take the edge off. I want to attempt later tonight

I want to attempt but my choice means I need to drive, but I drink first, Im stuck in a pissing annoying cycle, ...

 

[alittlehuman_]

Whenever I get into the mindset that I'm going to go for it, I always get shortly overcome by that shaky nervous feeling inside - I can feel it in my hands and chest. I guess it feels like nerves before a job interview, or your first day at school, work or before anything important. I assume it's the survival instinct kicking in.

I've just bought a bottle of wine to try and give myself a bit of dutch courage then I'll try and attempt at some point tonight. I don't know how it's going to go, I don't know if I'll back out or manage to go through with it, but we'll see what happens later.. still I just feel so bad that me or any of us have to go through what we do that we only see suicide as an exit from our pain, I wish we were able to live happily but it's just not realistic, at least not for me. I want escape but I do feel scared about the action of doing it - I know we all do though..

When a woman goes into labor she has pain. She really doesn't care and doesn't bother to explain. She screams and may die herself but none of it counts until she has the baby safe with her. Her life is just beginning in a way she never knew before. She is the only example I can give and she is actually not a bad person she doesn't understand and the baby is just a body process but why so much fuss. What else is there?

If that isn't making sense in a way that sound like awwww crazy people wanna die too you aren't ready and need to confront someone who failed you but still has a hold on you. My brother mattered to me and I was angry. This morning that is. It's noon and my brother isn't a brother or a man or dick. He was someone who I trusted and who hurt me so much that he destroyed me releasing me and reminding me to move on. Then when the world economics did kick me and the love of my life died I was trying just like you and it was fucking hell I couldn't do it I could do it ... What I couldn't do someone before set up so that the dead could pass without unspeakable agony which is only a horrible birth but thank god I dont have to find out. U have to preserve the site. U have to stop the living from hurting you and let go
the same person9s) who sparked your website.

He isn't to blame at all I cry to think I got stuck here. I am not body dead and I don't know what happens but I am not scared

 

[hfdepression30]

Just wanted to update and say I failed to do it last night. I set up everything for partial hanging, but every time I put it around my neck I started to panic too much. I took a break to write more to my suicide note but ending up passing out from drinking too much. I feel super pathetic

 

[popcorn]

dont beat yourself up about it, its the hardest decision you'll ever make. can always try in the future no need to rush