SI...always late for the bus. SSH advice needed

[CaramelDragon]

Over the past 2 months, I have stood at a bridge twice, relieved and proud of myself to get so close, but SI kicked in and my body pulled me away from the bridge both times. Alcohol and weed made me delusional and gave me hope, when in reality it doesn't exist for me. The police and ER have been involved, if I am found again I will be committed.
5 more times since then I have had my ''last meal'', the last day with my precious cat. The tools are ready, but I'm weak at the knees and can't summon the courage to leave the house and go to my destination in the forest. My method is short suspension hanging. I have a nylon rope which holds 300lbs (200lbs when knotted), I'll use a tree branch, slipknot high on my neck and a chair. I am most afraid of failing. I have isolated myself for 2 months and I have 48 hours left before I have to do it. There is no option, but I keep putting it off. I can't do that anymore, how do I summon the courage? Any tips for my method? I shouldn't be found and the branch holds my weight (as far as I can tell before hanging). I should be a few inches from the ground.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I wish I knew, but I'm still here so clearly I don't. If you know what makes you low then perhaps wait until that really low moment and add in anything that brings you courage (can only think alcohol). I can't think of more than that which isn't even helpful, my head is dead. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do and however things turn out.

 

[CaramelDragon]

I wish I knew, but I'm still here so clearly I don't. If you know what makes you low then perhaps wait until that really low moment and add in anything that brings you courage (can only think alcohol). I can't think of more than that which isn't even helpful, my head is dead. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do and however things turn out.

I think being sober and thinking about all the things I have lost through my actions will help. Isn't it so messed up that so many of us are most afraid of failing?! Best wishes to you

 

[Itsbeenalongtime]

If you struggle with SI then bridge def isn't for you. I have very little SI but a fear of pain and I think the plummet to the ground/water then possible drowning if not fully dead would be horrifying. Best I can say is GL with short drop. Whenever I've played with it before I've found it uncomfortable and never located the "sweet spot" that would make me unconscious. I'd also recommend padding the rope somehow as the feeling really isn't pleasant otherwise. I've heard stories before of the body trying to remove things from the neck and flailing about after unconsciousness too so just make sure to be careful and thorough if you're serious!

 

[WadeingThru]

I have 48 hours left before I have to do it. There is no option, but I keep putting it off. I can't do that anymore,

There is nothing wrong with procrastination. There is an old proverb, why do today, that which can be put off till tomorrow. No need to rush and do something you will regret.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Over the past 2 months, I have stood at a bridge twice, relieved and proud of myself to get so close, but SI kicked in and my body pulled me away from the bridge both times. Alcohol and weed made me delusional and gave me hope, when in reality it doesn't exist for me. The police and ER have been involved, if I am found again I will be committed.
5 more times since then I have had my ''last meal'', the last day with my precious cat. The tools are ready, but I'm weak at the knees and can't summon the courage to leave the house and go to my destination in the forest. My method is short suspension hanging. I have a nylon rope which holds 300lbs (200lbs when knotted), I'll use a tree branch, slipknot high on my neck and a chair. I am most afraid of failing. I have isolated myself for 2 months and I have 48 hours left before I have to do it. There is no option, but I keep putting it off. I can't do that anymore, how do I summon the courage? Any tips for my method? I shouldn't be found and the branch holds my weight (as far as I can tell before hanging). I should be a few inches from the ground.

200 lbs isn't much - there are ropes on Amazon that hold 1000lbs. A few inches is risky too. If your toes manage to touch the ground when stretched out, your SI will probably kick in, as described by someone else on here, who then managed to escape the noose.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is very difficult as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. The survival instinct can mean that it is very hard to leave this world. I am also afraid of failing, the fear of failure is the main thing that holds me back from ctb. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I know that it can be unbearable when you are desperate to exit. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CaramelDragon]

200 lbs isn't much - there are ropes on Amazon that hold 1000lbs. A few inches is risky too. If your toes manage to touch the ground when stretched out, your SI will probably kick in, as described by someone else on here, who then managed to escape the noose.

Thank you! I ordered a climbing rope which holds over 2000lbs and I scouted a new spot. I appreciate the tips. I pushed it a few more days and intend to go on Friday morning.

 

[MusicToLogIn]

Question: If I want to hang myself in the forest, do I have to step off of something so it's at least a short drop?
Or is there a way to ease into it?
Thanks