Shy Members on the Forum Need an Olive Branch

[Chupacabra 44]

One of the perks of not being able to sleep last night until about 3:00 a.m., was that I witnessed at around 1:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Time, there were a bunch of extremely shy peeps on the forum.
There wasn't much activity on the forum beside my hypomanic self, and yet I had at one point 37 members watching my thread and maybe 26 non-members watching.

Everybody was in the thread just watching me. Essentially I turned the thread into a chat trying to help others engage. These members were all too shy to jump in! There were no takers. Luckily a mod cleaned all that mess up this morning, or so I believe; and, I was too tired to think to clean that mess up myself before I went to bed. Apologies.

I perceive there's some EXTREMELY lonely people on this board DESPERATE for friendships and who are too shy to post and too shy to PM anybody.

What can you come up with to help these people?

What ideas do you have to help?

 

[checkouttime]

I think alot of members just read the threads, some might not feel confident enough to get involved. maybe they don't want to share their story with others(which is fine), some members might find it awkward talking about CTB( i did at 1st).maybe they are scared of saying something and someone replying back with something they dont like(it does happen, people have issues and frustrations, its inevitable) i think their are many reasons, i think in the end members will join in if they want, when they are maybe more comfortable. you just have to let them do these things at their own pace, and make it be known they are welcome to join in and contribute to the site. they shouldn't be forced to get involved just because they are a member.

i think sometimes also people don't feel they want to get involved with certain thread etc, maybe they don't feel they can contribute something valuable to a thread(which isn't always needed, as you can see sometimes, people make jokes etc)

on the other hand it could of been a load of pro lifers OBSERVING you lol

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Thanks for posting this @Chupacabra 44
I think a lot of lurkers are here for instructions, the resources or out of morbid curiosity. Some may and do have social anxiety or they have been judged all their lives and are now scared. I do think people also start posting once they realize they can't PM people without making a certain amount posts

That being said.

If any shy people are reading this, when you're ready, don't be afraid to get involved. Start by posting in the introduction thread. This place has a lot to offer. Most importantly it's a completely judgment free zone. This forum offers
friendship, kindness, compassion and understanding from people of all ages and walks of life. Resources and success stories from people trying or have got better. And of course the resources that brought you here in the first place.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Nice post. Thanks for helping to explain to me what you perceive and helping to reach out along with me.

Enjoy the rest of your day!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

One of the perks of not being able to sleep last night until about 3:00 a.m., was that I witnessed at around 1:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Time, there were a bunch of extremely shy peeps on the forum.
There wasn't much activity on the forum beside my hypomanic self, and yet I had at one point 37 members watching my thread and maybe 26 non-members watching.

Everybody was in the thread just watching me. Essentially I turned the thread into a chat trying to help others engage. These members were all too shy to jump in! There were no takers. Luckily a mod cleaned all that mess up this morning, or so I believe; and, I was too tired to think to clean that mess up myself before I went to bed. Apologies.

I perceive there's some EXTREMELY lonely people on this board DESPERATE for friendships and who are too shy to post and too shy to PM anybody.

What can you come up with to help these people?

What ideas do you have to help?

Well opening a dialogue like this may help some. I do feel there's a bit of exaggeration here though. 1 hour is the magic number for a few things on this forum.

It takes 1 hour to post behind yourself without the post combining into the old one. 1 hour for your name to disappear from the "users who are viewing this thread." 1 hour of inactivity for your name to disappear from the members online list.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I think alot of members just read the threads, some might not feel confident enough to get involved. maybe they don't want to share their story with others(which is fine), some members might find it awkward talking about CTB( i did at 1st).maybe they are scared of saying something and someone replying back with something they dont like(it does happen, people have issues and frustrations, its inevitable) i think their are many reasons, i think in the end members will join in if they want, when they are maybe more comfortable. you just have to let them do these things at their own pace, and make it be known they are welcome to join in and contribute to the site. they shouldn't be forced to get involved just because they are a member.

i think sometimes also people don't feel they want to get involved with certain thread etc, maybe they don't feel they can contribute something valuable to a thread(which isn't always needed, as you can see sometimes, people make jokes etc)

on the other hand it could of be a load of pro lifers OBSERVING you lol

Good insight. Thanks for explaining.

It is interesting, because I've seen in a few threads at least two people voicing frustration for not having any friends IRL or online. I'm not a phi betta kappa, but I see this and I think well there you go - person A is lonely and person B is lonely why don't one of you DM the other and then you have a friend? Bingo!

Life confuses me way too often.

 

[Homecoming]

I perceive there's some EXTREMELY lonely people on this board DESPERATE for friendships and who are too shy to post and too shy to PM anybody.

What can you come up with to help these people?

What ideas do you have to help?

OP, please keep in mind that there could be a few non-native English speaking users here that are struggling to express themselves because they have to put effort in translating their own language into English and vice versa. Some of them (like you say) maybe shy or don't have much time and energy to write anything worth sharing because they are either too depressed or not in a correct state of mind and mood.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Lurking is a pretty normal thing everywhere. Doesn't necessarily convey shyness.

 

[Homecoming]

1 hour is the magic number for a few things on this forum.

It takes 1 hour to post behind yourself without the post combining into the old one. 1 hour for your name to disappear from the "users who are viewing this thread." 1 hour of inactivity for your name to disappear from the members online list.

Wow, I never knew and noticed it before you posted this @Brick In The Wall

 

[Mm80]

Im not sure what the answer is here chupa.
But my only advice to you is that when you offer to hand out the olive branch, make sure that you are not wearing nail varnish that you can be identified by. The last thing we want is for you to get doxxed while trying to help others

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Well opening a dialogue like this may help some. I do feel there's a bit of exaggeration here though. 1 hour is the magic number for a few things on this forum.

It takes 1 hour to post behind yourself without the post combining into the old one. 1 hour for your name to disappear from the "users who are viewing this thread." 1 hour of inactivity for your name to disappear from the members online list.

Thanks for explaining this!

Everybody went to bed at 12:30 and here I was at 1:00 a.m. trying to engage with all the people who had already left the thread.

Now I feel kind of silly. No wonder there was nothing but an echo.

 

[XYZ]

What can you come up with to help these people?

Here's some food for thought

You are assuming they want to post but are too shy. Perhaps they just like to browse and read what others write. You may find this cold-hearted, but if someone does not ask for my help explicitly, I usually don't offer it. I try not to assume what others need and want because my assumptions are influenced by what I want and need.

Case in point: you want to talk to people on this forum and like being active, hence you assume the lurkers/inactive members want that too.

Maybe they were all drunk and forgot to close the SS window on their pc

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Thanks for explaining this!

Everybody went to bed at 12:30 and here I was at 1:00 a.m. trying to engage with all the people who had already left the thread.

Now I feel kind of silly. No wonder there was nothing but an echo.

Hey it's all good bud, it took me a while to catch onto it too. It can be misleading. But there's only ever about 1/3rd or less of the "members online" list that is actually online.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I guess I might be labeled a "shy" member but I honestly don't know what to say half the time. My mind is a void. I'm more of a reader I guess. I usually just chime in if I feel the energy but sadly I usually have no energy to really engage in thought provoking topics sometimes.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I guess I might be labeled a "shy" member but I honestly don't know what to say half the time. My mind is a void. I'm more of a reader I guess. I usually just chime in if I feel the energy but sadly I usually have no energy to really engage in thought provoking topics sometimes.

It gets harder when you've been here a while too. You see the same threads over and over and you feel like a broken record with your response. Some of the other members have expressed that to me as well.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

It gets harder when you've been here a while too. You see the same threads over and over and you feel like a broken record with your response. Some of the other members have expressed that to me as well.

Yes exactly this! I feel like I just post redundant things. I have been here so long I definitely see same threads over and over. I stick around and read though because I still think this is the most supportive understanding community.

 

[XYZ]

It gets harder when you've been here a while too. You see the same threads over and over and you feel like a broken record with your response. Some of the other members have expressed that to me as well.

Say, Brick, what do you reckon happens after death?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Yes exactly this! I feel like I just post redundant things. I have been here so long I definitely see same threads over and over. I stick around and read though because I still think this is the most supportive understanding community.

You're definitely not the only one. The turnover is very high for membership here for obvious reasons. Which leads to threads being repeated rather often.

The entire response I'm typing out for this post is more than normal. But not more than I used to post. I think the key is finding the right balance depending on how you feel and the thread itself.

Say, Brick, what do you reckon happens after death?

One of the greatest questions of all time. I've been fascinated by it since I was a kid. I have strong opinions and beliefs on the matter but I won't go into them here so as not to de rail the thread. We can discuss this privately or in the lounge though if you so choose.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's true, that is bound to happen. No one can be forced to participate. All that can be done is to provide a friendly and informal environment, especially in the off-topic threads, to invite participation.
Things like the SS Lounge have, over the course of time, attracted shy lurkers to join and also more reticent or serious members to take part and have a laugh.
Unfortunately, all such threads usually have a motivating force who steers them, and that person will have issues too and can't be expected to see it as their job to maintain the flow.
So things come and go.

It gets harder when you've been here a while too. You see the same threads over and over and you feel like a broken record with your response. Some of the other members have expressed that to me as well.

This. Definitely. I bookmark my stock responses to commonly repeating threads. I don't feel great about that cut and paste response but there are only so many times I can response to the usual stuff before I just give up responding at all. Maybe that means I'm too long here.

 

[XYZ]

You're definitely not the only one. The turnover is very high for membership here for obvious reasons. Which leads to threads being repeated rather often.

The entire response I'm typing out for this post is more than normal. But not more than I used to post. I think the key is finding the right balance depending on how you feel and the thread itself.


One of the greatest questions of all time. I've been fascinated by it since I was a kid. I have strong opinions and beliefs on the matter but I won't go into them here so as not to de rail the thread. We can discuss this privately or in the lounge though if you so choose.

I was only joking. You mentioned threads that get repeated

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was only joking. You mentioned threads that get repeated

Lol even the threads about threads constantly being repeated, get repeated themselves!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I was only joking. You mentioned threads that get repeated

You should've went with a question about SN. It seems to be a hotter topic even over what happens when we die

This. Definitely. I bookmark my stock responses to commonly repeating threads. I don't feel great about that cut and paste response but there are only so many times I can response to the usual stuff before I just give up responding at all. Maybe that means I'm too long here.

I was kinda hinting at you as being one of the members who'd expressed this sentiment to me as well. I don't think it means anything other than what you want it to mean. I sometimes find the right words and philosophies to properly contribute still. Other times a quick gif or few sentences can go a long way.

 

[Mm80]

It's true, that is bound to happen. No one can be forced to participate. All that can be done is to provide a friendly and informal environment, especially in the off-topic threads, to invite participation.
Things like the SS Lounge have, over the course of time, attracted shy lurkers to join and also more reticent or serious members to take part and have a laugh.
Unfortunately, all such threads usually have a motivating force who steers them, and that person will have issues too and can't be expected to see it as their job to maintain the flow.
So things come and go.


This. Definitely. I bookmark my stock responses to commonly repeating threads. I don't feel great about that cut and paste response but there are only so many times I can response to the usual stuff before I just give up responding at all. Maybe that means I'm too long here.

I think that its awesome and we are lucky to have long standing members like yoursellf and brick and on here.
For me it adds a real sense of stability to the forum.
Yes we are all equal and our opinions count the same, but its invaluable to get your opinions on things which are based on experience and wisdom.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I don't think it means anything other than what you want it to mean.

That...sounds like it makes sense to me. Well said. With one sentence you give me back control over that feeling. Thank you.

I think that its awesome and we are lucky to have long standing members like yoursellf and brick and on here.
For me it adds a real sense of stability to the forum.
Yes we are all equal and our opinions count the same, but its invaluable to get your opinions on things which are based on experience and wisdom.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That...sounds like it makes sense to me. Well said. With one sentence you give me back control over that feeling. Thank you.

That's exactly part of the point I was trying to make. Sometimes something as simple as a single sentence can have a huge impact.

You're very welcome my friend. I want to thank you for the impact you've had on me as well!

 

[checkouttime]

It gets harder when you've been here a while too. You see the same threads over and over and you feel like a broken record with your response. Some of the other members have expressed that to me as well.

Alot lately i see people trying to get a response from a older thread. the person they are trying to get a reply from usually has their name crossed out aswell!! Im like......they either left or CTB, you ain't getting a reply!!!

I understand other might reply, just i think sometimes people don't always take notice of when posts were made etc(i'm sure i am guilty aswell!!!)

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Alot lately i see people trying to get a response from a older thread. the person they are trying to get a reply from usually has their name crossed out aswell!! Im like......they either left or CTB, you ain't getting a reply!!!

I understand other might reply, just i think sometimes people don't always take notice of when posts were made etc(i'm sure i am guilty aswell!!!)

I've noticed more "necro posting" lately as well. In some forums it can be an offense. The only time I'd necro a thread is if the information was pertinent or relevant.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Even though I've been here a while, I don't talk to many people. I think there is something wrong with me
I think not everyone wants to engage, some are happy being readers, some don't know what to say, are too anxious etc. It's nice to see someone holding out an olive branch to these people and I hope some of them feel they can communicate more. It's getting over that initial first hurdle that people find hard I think.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Even though I've been here a while, I don't talk to many people. I think there is something wrong with me
I think not everyone wants to engage, some are happy being readers, some don't know what to say, are too anxious etc. It's nice to see someone holding out an olive branch to these people and I hope some of them feel they can communicate more. It's getting over that initial first hurdle that people find hard I think.

I've seen nearly every pfp change you've made. I only bring it up because you have a system of changing your pfp based on your activity. Don't think you go unnoticed or underappreciated either!

 

[checkouttime]

I've noticed more "necro posting" lately as well. In some forums it can be an offense. The only time I'd necro a thread is if the information was pertinent or relevant.

the problem we have are people are impatient and erratic sometimes(i'm not judging them) so they don't want to read everything etc and take time. I'm not saying its right, but i guess it could be looked at as the 'nature of the beast'. like when i 1st joined i just wanted to know that day, whats this ,what's that, gimme all the emails and link etc!!! I realised though people have spent time and effort to produce threads and info and i should search and read this info( it wasn't easy!!). but if you spend time and then ask questions people are more likely to help you out, with things. plus you can then interact better if you 'know a little'.

I understand though people are sometimes desperate so this is why they act like this.

I can also see why sometimes people get annoyed with people constantly asking the same things(i didn't realise at 1st but not i have been here a little while it can be a little annoying!!!). I mean people might need a poke in the right direction at 1st,which i think is ok.

Problem is there are lots of people feeling low/depressed so its easy to get pissed off at someone. its inevitable that 'sparks will fly' occasionally. even more so with constant posts about the same stuff!!!