Discussion Should you cut toxic parents from your life?

[LittleJem]

Well... here's what that would look like for me (translated from an assortment of languages to English):

• Me: "Mom, I'm not talking to you till you treat me like a human being and not an object meant to prove your superior parenting ability."
• Mom: "You ungrateful child, I gave up my career for this? I should have never bothered raising you or having you."
• Dad: "You know that your mother loves you. It is obvious that she loves you. You need to listen to her."
• I stop talking to my parents.
• Within 1 hour, mom calls whatever authority she can get her hands on. Mostly college related.
• Said authority comes to my room, takes a look at me. He says, "Because his hair isn't combed, he is definitely disturbed."
• I am told to visit a higher authority.
• When I do, said higher authority tells me to take a seat, because he just wants to have an informal chat, as 'friends'.
• Aforementioned higher authority launches into a tirade about how my parents have made many sacrifices to get me here, and how I despite I am not under pressure to do anything, I am obliged to make my parents proud, be a great student, and listen to what they say. The lecture ends with the authority figure saying that I should drop by again whenever I need to talk (despite the fact that I've said pretty much nothing).
• I am told to attend a session with whatever approximation of psychiatry I can get to. When the session starts, the first thing I am asked after the formalities and my first sentence is "Do you spend an excessive amount of time watching pornography?" When I tell him that I'm asexual, he says "Okay... so how many hours per day do you spend on porn?" I mean, even if you haven't heard the word in relation to people before, you should be able to tell what it means from the context of 8th grade biology...
• After I tell him about how I am feeling (admittedly, I was speaking mostly in the abstract), he tells me that the main problem is that because I'm the only child, I haven't learned how to socialize to the same extent as others. Granted, I kept the suicidal thoughts out, but I did tell him extensively about my self-worth issues and my inability to understand how to be happy with myself, or find things to make me happy. And the important thing is that I don't talk to people? Anyway to handle this socialization issue, I need to talk to people. So he tells me to talk to some random professor, just because said professor is Bengali. Granted, the professor named is a pretty cool guy, but still, the logic seemed broken.
• And dealing with the self-worth issues would be apparently be easy. "Just think 5 positive thoughts a day, once in the morning, once in the evening."
• The issue is forgotten, as long as I behave like a good kid.

If it wasn't obvious, that's happened to me.

This isn't meant to be a refutation, it's supposed to be a humorous account of an extraordinarily stupid series of events.

Thank you, this has raised a smile. And they don't understand you!

 

[tomz323]

Dude. i'm gonna tell you right now: cut them off and move away. Don't look back. Do whatever you can. I wish someone could have told me that when i was younger. Please please please. I'm not saying it's gonna cure suicidal thoughts...but i hope it would and would have hoped it would for me. Just do your best to get out this situation and make it your top priority, please.

Thanks this is good advice. I actually moved away for a few years, where I did keep in contact with them but I moved back (stupid of me I know) because I was weirdly paranoid of them dying. But now that I've been back for a few months I realize nothing has changed and the fulfillment that I'm looking for isn't here. I've applied for a UK working holiday visa, when I move there I'm not coming back.

 

[HGL91]

Thanks for the reply's guys. Its just hard because I do love them despite everything.

Sometimes all it takes is a bit of space. There were times my adopted mom and I got in really heated arguments. Sometimes as a teen, I'd even run out of the house and run to a quiet part of the neighborhood and cry.

Now, at age 27, she's the only person I truly trust. And quite frankly, ever since she retired a few years ago, she's MUCH calmer because she doesn't have the stress of a medical career in her life. Just the paycheck. So we get along well now even if I do have to fake being happy all the time to keep her from knowing I'm suicidal lol

 

[DreamCatcher]

As I get older the more I realize my parents are a massive reason for me being suicidal (I had the usual abusive upbringing that allot of us have had on here...but) , I've always held out hope that I could fix our relationship and make it whole. You know right? I wanted to not be afraid to bring a girl home to meet them and such. But now I'm in my 20's that hope is fading. Any one here have much experience with this kind of thing? I'm trying to get better so any input would be great.

Absolutely yes 100%

Cut all toxic or harmful people from your life. You don't need them, it doesn't matter if you're related or not.

Move far away if you can, if you can't then do your best to avoid any situation where you might see or talk to them in any way. You don't owe them anything, and the sooner you get safely away the better.

 

[deltahead]

i don't think my parents are even particularly toxic or abusive but if i had a choice i still wouldn't go near them ever again

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

If you are financially independent, you have every reason to cut your parents out of your life. That's what I did to mine. One of the best decisions of my life. I only regret I didn't do it sooner.

 

[262653]

Depends on how their toxicity affects you, and what are your alternatives. For me it's: not having to work and having the basic needs met vs. having to work and having the basic needs met, or, to simplify, not having to work vs. having to work. Implying that work is something I don't want to do, the answer seems to be self-evident. Unless the whole point is to put oneself in an environment where undesirable work is necessary to maintain a state one isn't very fond of, thus making suicide even more attractive alternative (might as well perform on an undesirable work to achieve a desirable state), and turning the whole maneuver into a more elaborate form of knocking a chair under my feet, which would require from my side to pass a check against Mind Domination, casted by my ever vigilant survival instinct. And if I happen to resist, might as well skip the whole shitfest straight to the hanging part. Your story may differ, of course, as well as your preferable option.