I used to do that to myself at every turn, I'm trying to get out of that habit but it's a hard habit to break.
I've learned that it doesn't do you or anyone else any good to try and compare your life to other's lives.
This lesson came to me over the past couple of years. My state of mind has been that if I won millions in the lottery or if a rich, famous celebrity who I found sexy and attractive came along and swept me off to their mansion and luxurious lifestyle it honestly wouldn't have made a difference. I wouldn't be able to receive the love or the joy.
I learned that no matter how "good" you have it, when you're sick you're sick.
They say that if you don't have your health you have nothing. I now know firsthand what that means.
I see people who are worse off than me and I wonder what makes them want to continue to live while I'm making plans to die. Do they have a fear of death that I don't have?
Or maybe in some ways they're better off than me. Maybe they have a connection to life that I don't have. Maybe they are able to connect with others and have two-way connection with them, maybe they have people who love and care for them and who they love and care for, maybe they have a sense of family and connection.
I don't know.
I'm not trying to encourage you to CTB. I hope that you can find love, health and healing. But I also respect that it is up to you to decide your quality of life and that the decision of whether or not to continue this life is ultimately up to you.
If you're in a state where you're coming on a site like Sanctioned Suicide then you're in the position of, "If you're sick, you're sick". Not sick in a negative, creepy way but in a way where your mental health and level of pain is so great that you have a desire to end your life.
Don't add an extra layer of torment and misery to what you're already dealing with by laying bogus guilt trips on yourself.
You have a legitimate condition, a legitimate problem.
I hope that not comparing yourself to others will help clear your mind so that you make a decision that is truly right for you. Whatever that decision may be.
Wishing you well.