Discussion Should we treat the big day as the big day?

[Sn00t]

Hey all, I just want to share some thoughts I have about suicide and carrying it out.
So I've been pretty suicidal these few days, and have gone too my local bridge nearby to look out and calculate roughly what is the best place to land, the height etc. A very profound feeling of uneasiness, sickness, fear and anxiety came upon me as I looked at it. Intuitively, it was my natural instincts detecting I was posing some kinda danger to myself, and it kicked in once it realised legitimate danger was posed.

But, it made me think whether we should treat suicide as a big day or maybe just, well another day. I might make another post on the nature of life and death and how I think we are stuck in the predicament, and suicide isn't the obvious solution that solves our problems. In short, we are fucked whether we kill our selves or not, but suicide can be used to save our future selves from more torment. But suicide in itself really will never save you as you know it, you won't know you have been saved, and this brings us to further questions if death is a good or bad thing (The Human Predicament by David Benatar argues in his book death to be a bad thing, but could be the lesser evil).

Anyways, do you guys think it is a good idea to make a big deal out of the day of suicide or just casually treat it as an ordinary event? My sense on it is that big events make me very stressed, and I feel unable to do it. For my psychi, I think if I treat it as one jump to a freedom, like any other freedom or treat in life, it's more likely I can convince myself to do it. I guess I'm not saying you can't prepare for it or write notes or wills, but just not treating it in your head as the biggest event ever (even if it is the biggest event in your life).

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I'll treat it as another day. Just a day to end my suffering.

 

[darkest]

you'll be disappointed if you fail so dont put too much faith in it being the actual last, from experience ig but ive been thinking today is the day for a week straight now

 

[emptinessdancing]

It's an interesting thought process and I appreciate you starting the convo. Like you, big events stress me out. However, I am in a position that I feel like I do sort of need to treat this with as much care and thoughtfulness as possible, just for the ones I leave behind. So the planning part--- has become a very big deal "a big event" you could say. Its taking a lot of time and thought and planning to try to ensure the ones I leave behind are left with only the emotional burden, which can't be helped. Everything that can be helped I am working hard to put into place before I go.

The day I go, though? Just another day. And I imagine myself to finally feel so.......... at peace.

 

[Sn00t]

couldn't agree more, though for me I don't think I have a lot to plan, what do I even have to leave behind xD

 

[Zyntkalla]

For me I will probably treat it as a big day. But I will make sure I got all my info right and it will be foolproof. Hopefully it will work. I will deftly miss some things like material objects more, and a few skills. But I will probably be more happy about leaving if I decide to go ,and it will most likely will happen. Still working things out over here with planning.

 

[Kilojewel]

I Think I'll make it a special day not a big day. Enjoy the last few commodities of life. A walk, some good food. Maybe pet an animal. And then drift off into emptiness.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'd personally treat it as a big day because, to me, it is. It'd be the day where I no longer be and my suffering is permanently gone or it'd be the day where my suffering gets amplified by an insane magnitude. I just can't treat it as a normal day as it's the day where I either make it or break it

 

[laceydreams]

I would treat it like it's my birthday

 

[dimgobaith]

I tried to make it just like any other day but made it a good day.
Did everything I usually would, took the horse out, gave the dogs a long walk, did some work and carried on as normal

 

[isa_nqra1]

Hey all, I just want to share some thoughts I have about suicide and carrying it out.
So I've been pretty suicidal these few days, and have gone too my local bridge nearby to look out and calculate roughly what is the best place to land, the height etc. A very profound feeling of uneasiness, sickness, fear and anxiety came upon me as I looked at it. Intuitively, it was my natural instincts detecting I was posing some kinda danger to myself, and it kicked in once it realised legitimate danger was posed.

But, it made me think whether we should treat suicide as a big day or maybe just, well another day. I might make another post on the nature of life and death and how I think we are stuck in the predicament, and suicide isn't the obvious solution that solves our problems. In short, we are fucked whether we kill our selves or not, but suicide can be used to save our future selves from more torment. But suicide in itself really will never save you as you know it, you won't know you have been saved, and this brings us to further questions if death is a good or bad thing (The Human Predicament by David Benatar argues in his book death to be a bad thing, but could be the lesser evil).

Anyways, do you guys think it is a good idea to make a big deal out of the day of suicide or just casually treat it as an ordinary event? My sense on it is that big events make me very stressed, and I feel unable to do it. For my psychi, I think if I treat it as one jump to a freedom, like any other freedom or treat in life, it's more likely I can convince myself to do it. I guess I'm not saying you can't prepare for it or write notes or wills, but just not treating it in your head as the biggest event ever (even if it is the biggest event in your life).

Well that's really if you planned it out to make sure it's successful.

As someone who's failed multiple times before finding this site, I did some wild stuff on my supposed last day only to have SI take over and just end up disappointed.

If you're planning something big you better be damn sure you're plan works because if it goes wrong, others will treat you like you have some sortof disease or that you are mentally ill (ngl probably true for me but i hate it)

YMMV but for me personally and the people i know really end up treating you differently giving me more reason to cbt

 

[Sn00t]

Well that's really if you planned it out to make sure it's successful.

As someone who's failed multiple times before finding this site, I did some wild stuff on my supposed last day only to have SI take over and just end up disappointed.

If you're planning something big you better be damn sure you're plan works because if it goes wrong, others will treat you like you have some sortof disease or that you are mentally ill (ngl probably true for me but i hate it)

YMMV but for me personally and the people i know really end up treating you differently giving me more reason to cbt

Good point, but it also depends on what way you ctb. Falling from great heights onto concrete are fairly certain, getting hit by high velocity trains or lying on the rails for decapitation are pretty much as certain as you can get. I have a cloud of ideas around how I would want to do it (a super ideal way is to join an ngo or military, where I can at least do some good for people before dying, and places near Israel and Syria or such are certain to be targeted or caught in crossfire as aid workers), but whatever way I go out, I'm don't think they'll be too much room for survival chances. Who knows tho, I haven't been brave enough to try it, and though I have felt very, very close to the edge and finally doing it, this is merely a step away from actually doing it. A failed attempt of an attempt of suicide if you will, can't even do that well can I?

 

[L'absent]

Obviously...A great day, the most extraordinary in life, is that moment in which every dream and every desire comes true in an instant, as if the whole world joined forces to fulfill every hope. One shot, and everything imagined becomes reality, a flow of happiness that transcends time and space.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Treat it as if it's any other day but give it some finality to it but not enough that people will notice.

Treat yourself and enjoy those last moments because they will be the last .

 

[danny10]

Hey all, I just want to share some thoughts I have about suicide and carrying it out.
So I've been pretty suicidal these few days, and have gone too my local bridge nearby to look out and calculate roughly what is the best place to land, the height etc. A very profound feeling of uneasiness, sickness, fear and anxiety came upon me as I looked at it. Intuitively, it was my natural instincts detecting I was posing some kinda danger to myself, and it kicked in once it realised legitimate danger was posed.

But, it made me think whether we should treat suicide as a big day or maybe just, well another day. I might make another post on the nature of life and death and how I think we are stuck in the predicament, and suicide isn't the obvious solution that solves our problems. In short, we are fucked whether we kill our selves or not, but suicide can be used to save our future selves from more torment. But suicide in itself really will never save you as you know it, you won't know you have been saved, and this brings us to further questions if death is a good or bad thing (The Human Predicament by David Benatar argues in his book death to be a bad thing, but could be the lesser evil).

Anyways, do you guys think it is a good idea to make a big deal out of the day of suicide or just casually treat it as an ordinary event? My sense on it is that big events make me very stressed, and I feel unable to do it. For my psychi, I think if I treat it as one jump to a freedom, like any other freedom or treat in life, it's more likely I can convince myself to do it. I guess I'm not saying you can't prepare for it or write notes or wills, but just not treating it in your head as the biggest event ever (even if it is the biggest event in your life).

I totally agree with your words. I also went to my local bridge to measure out some things and I returned there twice to jump but my SI kicked in and I was not able to jump off. I didn't treat my supposed suicidal day special as it would pressure me more. So I would just go at it as a normal day although I would probably take as many benzos as I can handle to take the edge off...

 

[The_Hunter]

Hey all, I just want to share some thoughts I have about suicide and carrying it out.
So I've been pretty suicidal these few days, and have gone too my local bridge nearby to look out and calculate roughly what is the best place to land, the height etc. A very profound feeling of uneasiness, sickness, fear and anxiety came upon me as I looked at it. Intuitively, it was my natural instincts detecting I was posing some kinda danger to myself, and it kicked in once it realised legitimate danger was posed.

if you aren't comfortable with it... why would you do it?

...

And also, have you read the poem "The View From Halfway Down"? I think you should read it, it's a very beautiful & well-made poem, and I think you would like it dearly. Take care, friend.

I totally agree with your words. I also went to my local bridge to measure out some things and I returned there twice to jump but my SI kicked in and I was not able to jump off. I didn't treat my supposed suicidal day special as it would pressure me more. So I would just go at it as a normal day although I would probably take as many benzos as I can handle to take the edge off...

if you can only make a certain decision while heavily drugged, doesn't that mean that you're compromising your conscious decision-making framework, and hence impacting the quality of the decision itself? I mean, of course all actions don't need to be "rational" or whatnot; but if you have to drug yourself into making a decision, doesn't that mean you're kind of forcing yourself into a decision that you truly are not at peace with? I mean not to attack you in any way or criticize the honest & humanity capacity that you have for deciding matters for yourself (A right I wish to sanctify to you.): I just wish that people are able to make decisions that they are truly at peace with, without room for regret or unneeded harm. My apologies if I was insensitive or misunderstanding [in this message]--I accept that my ideas may be different from yours, and I consider this a valid and human difference. I wish you well.

 

[Sn00t]

if you aren't comfortable with it... why would you do it?

Decisions to escape that are necessary doesn't imply they are easy to do. Suicide is difficult for anyone who attempts it, some will find it easier than others but still find it difficult. Do you think those in the burning twin towers wanted to jump? No, but they felt they had to to escape the burning flames behind them which would cook and choke them painfully, and they leaped out in desperation for oxygen and to get away from the flames, even tho they were terrified and did not want to jump. With worsening mental illness for people or some with physical illness, sometimes the way out of life is the option they feel they have.

 

[Forveleth]

I treat it like any other day. Making it a "big deal" unfortunately makes it a big deal and killing yourself is already a big deal. It just adds pressure and anxiety to a situation that already has plenty.

On the morning of each of my attempts, I woke up and just "felt" like it would be a good day for an attempt and that was about all for more fanfare I put into it. Just calmly went about my day doing my normal routine until I was ready to try.

 

[slinkey10]

Good point, but it also depends on what way you ctb. Falling from great heights onto concrete are fairly certain, getting hit by high velocity trains or lying on the rails for decapitation are pretty much as certain as you can get. I have a cloud of ideas around how I would want to do it (a super ideal way is to join an ngo or military, where I can at least do some good for people before dying, and places near Israel and Syria or such are certain to be targeted or caught in crossfire as aid workers), but whatever way I go out, I'm don't think they'll be too much room for survival chances. Who knows tho, I haven't been brave enough to try it, and though I have felt very, very close to the edge and finally doing it, this is merely a step away from actually doing it. A failed attempt of an attempt of suicide if you will, can't even do that well can I?

I want the easy option - the suicide pod idea. Your idea for me would take to much dissociation from the self (without major drugs) to achieve. Im to sensative to do this straight - had considered this option while on a mix of ketamine & something else.

Would I make it a big day - no, for me that would build the expectation up to much & then doubt kicks in.

Decisions to escape that are necessary doesn't imply they are easy to do. Suicide is difficult for anyone who attempts it, some will find it easier than others but still find it difficult. Do you think those in the burning twin towers wanted to jump? No, but they felt they had to to escape the burning flames behind them which would cook and choke them painfully, and they leaped out in desperation for oxygen and to get away from the flames, even tho they were terrified and did not want to jump. With worsening mental illness for people or some with physical illness, sometimes the way out of life is the option they feel they have.

I think you're forgetting survival instinct & chemicals that are released to help at times like this - its not comparable to a pre meditated jump ?

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I thought about it and nothing to celebrate…

 

[nomoredolor]

Happy Deathday to Meeee

 

[taysontheory]

It will be a scary day of course no matter what you do it will be the day you will not see tomorrow all your brain cells will work to try to live and convince you otherwise it will be a really scary day This is the truth. There are people who force themselves to go this way to stop the pain.

 

[depressedcappuccino]

Maybe it's because I've nearly attempted 2 times already but mentally I feel broken now, like I can't even process my own emotions, even simple ones. If it's your first brush close to death then it's almost guaranteed to evoke strong emotions, but once you have a couple of close calls you start to care less, atleast for me. This next attempt will be my last for sure, if I would've went through with the first 2 I would already be dead. It's up to you whether you want to make it a special occasion or to distract yourself, just know that SI (survival instinct) will usually kick in anyways, which is why I'm opting to use benzos (valium/xanax) once I can get them from dw markets. I hope you can figure out a plan that works for you that will allow you as much peace of mind and comfort as possible.

 

[commongardensnailll]

I'd just treat it as a normal day

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have a feeling it will be a very tedious day. SN (which would likely be my method) requires following protocols. Taking medication at certain times, fasting for certain perioss. I think I'd prefer to do the bulk of my fasting overnight so, chances are, I'm more likely to attempt in the morning/ mid morning. I can see it very much like waiting for an operation. Just hanging about feeling thirsty, hungry and nervous. I don't think it's the kind of method that really allows for regular, normal living and then, instant death. Not sure whether that's good or bad really.

I suppose the run up to it, it seems sensible to at least try to enjoy life as much as possible while I still have the ability to. It will depend what's going on for me I suppose. I may feel by that point that I've seen enough.

Yeah, it's an odd concept that we won't be able to 'enjoy' or experience our peace after death. (Depending on what you believe of course.) I still think it's a positive though if you feel like you're suffering in some respect. Presumably that you can't realistically stop that suffering in life but that you now don't have to contend with years and years more of it.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Events are ordinary when you experience they often, like sleeping or eating. Things that you can only experience once are automatically extraordinary and my death is the biggest event I can imagine. I have to accept this and try to celebrate it appropriate.

 

[Sn00t]

I think you're forgetting survival instinct & chemicals that are released to help at times like this - its not comparable to a pre meditated jump ?

Suicide doesn't necessarily have to be carefully planned out, I expect my death will come from alcohol and drug overdose to bring me to the bridge built from desperation . Suicide usually comes from extreme psychologically painful which spontaneously brings people to their death, with added history of self harm or attempts. People in the burning buildings were desperate probably did it out of the actual physical pain they were feeling, and just wanted to get a few moments of relief. But we will never know what they thought. Also my analogy was that you don't need to be comfortable with the idea to do it or know it necessary, so that wasn't my point or comparison.

 

[JustHere1]

I've decided to call my day a 'Rising Day'. Because I plan on living again - just in a different way, shape, and form. So like a birthday, but not a birth - just untethering from this body and claiming a shape of my own for myself.

 

[cantwait2bfree]

Hey all, I just want to share some thoughts I have about suicide and carrying it out.
So I've been pretty suicidal these few days, and have gone too my local bridge nearby to look out and calculate roughly what is the best place to land, the height etc. A very profound feeling of uneasiness, sickness, fear and anxiety came upon me as I looked at it. Intuitively, it was my natural instincts detecting I was posing some kinda danger to myself, and it kicked in once it realised legitimate danger was posed.

But, it made me think whether we should treat suicide as a big day or maybe just, well another day. I might make another post on the nature of life and death and how I think we are stuck in the predicament, and suicide isn't the obvious solution that solves our problems. In short, we are fucked whether we kill our selves or not, but suicide can be used to save our future selves from more torment. But suicide in itself really will never save you as you know it, you won't know you have been saved, and this brings us to further questions if death is a good or bad thing (The Human Predicament by David Benatar argues in his book death to be a bad thing, but could be the lesser evil).

Anyways, do you guys think it is a good idea to make a big deal out of the day of suicide or just casually treat it as an ordinary event? My sense on it is that big events make me very stressed, and I feel unable to do it. For my psychi, I think if I treat it as one jump to a freedom, like any other freedom or treat in life, it's more likely I can convince myself to do it. I guess I'm not saying you can't prepare for it or write notes or wills, but just not treating it in your head as the biggest event ever (even if it is the biggest event in your life).

in short NO. it will make you more anxious and harder to deal
with if that is your approach. it's normal to feel palpitations and your brain making up all kinds of videos right before , everyone has that. Think of the silence and peace once you've discarded the battery holding you prisoner in this place . and no there's nothing after , all the bullshit happens here .

 

[slinkey10]

Suicide doesn't necessarily have to be carefully planned out, I expect my death will come from alcohol and drug overdose to bring me to the bridge built from desperation . Suicide usually comes from extreme psychologically painful which spontaneously brings people to their death, with added history of self harm or attempts. People in the burning buildings were desperate probably did it out of the actual physical pain they were feeling, and just wanted to get a few moments of relief. But we will never know what they thought. Also my analogy was that you don't need to be comfortable with the idea to do it or know it necessary, so that wasn't my point or comparison.

Have a read through this recent thread - not always as easy as u think & most on that thread agree its either carefully planned out or, random luck...

those who succeeded

do you think guys those who succeeded were just more determined to ctb when compared to regular people who want to ctb ?

sanctioned-suicide.net