Discussion Should suicidal/mentally ill people try to date?

[Circles]

I'm on the fence about this. I want to atleast try my luck at dating even though I know my odds are stacked against me. I might have a hard time explaining this. Like even though I'm mentally ill and still suicidal, I want to try to find someone to just idk just see how things go cause it's not I have nothing to lose at this point in my life besides being rejected. But then at the same time I don't want to make myself worse anymore than I have to be in case I can't handle things I have never experienced before or something. And then there's the part where I don't want to be a burden on someone else so I wonder is it selfish of me to want to date? Idk. I'm already having doubts because every time I entertain the idea of dating I realize how many obstacles there are and I feel so insecure about it. I know people say you need to work on yourself before you do anything and I'm trying but at some point I want to try. But should a suicidal mentally disabled person even try?

 

[NumbItAll]

One of the reasons I'm so depressed is because of loneliness, so I think it's only fair that I should be able to try to meet someone. However, I try to be upfront pretty early on about my limitations so they know what to expect. I'm more likely to get along with someone who understands that stuff. I will probably never match up with your typical happy-go-lucky, ambitious, goal-driven NPC.

Edit: I should also add that meeting a friend in 2019 improved my health a lot and made me not actively suicidal anymore (though not necessarily a good thing since I'd probably be better off dead tbh).

 

[vinie]

I truly believe that love can change lives, therefore I encourage you to give it a shot. But, I do warn you that relationships can be devastating to one's mental health. Love has genuinely messed up my pea brain, and as far as I've seen, I am not the only one.

Nevertheless, if you do find a partner that understands you and your emotions, don't be afraid of them, the future, nor what you are feeling. As hard as it sounds, try to embrace it. I wish you the best of luck :)

 

[rationalis]

Someone is likely to fall in love with you and will be very distressed at your death.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Dating in 2021?

Playlist with some fax:

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

No, get a pet (dog, cat, bird, iguana, etc...) instead.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is an individual decision, only the person knows what is best for themselves. Nobody else has any say in it.

 

[Circles]

I wasn't trying to make this thread personal but whatever. For me personally I feel like I'd have to basically lie about how my life has been over the past 8-10 years and I suck at lying. Like if they asked me so many questions I won't have an answer to and even the most basic questions like what I enjoy which is basically nothing nowadays. I loved music and hiking, but hell man. You see? I've been trying to get into finding more hobbies and trying to hike again but the spark isn't there you know. Another thing that bothers me is how much has changed since I've had my work accident and I'm disabled. Hell I use a fucking grabber at the age of 27. Will anyone understand that let alone want to date someone like that?

No, get a pet (dog, cat, bird, iguana, etc...) instead.

I'll pass. Already dealt with my dog dying. My brother and I have adopted a cat that we've been helping for almost a year now, but I don't know if I can even take care of her given my circumstances. Plus I'm trying to find a human connection to fill the void of loneliness if that's even possible.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Personally, I don't want to seek any connections anymore, neither relationships nor friendships. All relationships in my life went awful and even got traumatized from one, almost all friendships were awful as well. It doesn't help that most humans are two faced pos who pretend they care about you then they hurt you and abandon you (I fucking hate abandonment the most).

But letting this factor aside, I'm not seeking anything anymore also because I'm planning to die on Valentine's Day and I also wouldn't like my disappearance to hurt a person that could potentially get attached to me or me getting attached to someone then change my mind. I don't want someone else to experience the pain that I experienced after the disappearance of my friend who was a part of this community.

With these being said you do you, but you have to keep in mind it's easier to get hurt by others when you're mentally ill and suicidal and you have to take account of every possibility.

Edit+ : I used to have a crush on someone on here and we gave it a try and see where it goes but it went horrible. Not meaning to discourage, but you have to be down to earth or how it is said and be wary.

 

[Circles]

Personally, I don't want to seek any connections anymore, neither relationships nor friendships. All relationships in my life went awful and even got traumatized from one, almost all friendships were awful as well. It doesn't help that most humans are two faced pos who pretend they care about you then they hurt you and abandon you (I fucking hate abandonment the most).

But letting this factor aside, I'm not seeking anything anymore also because I'm planning to die on Valentine's Day and I also wouldn't like my disappearance to hurt a person that could potentially get attached to me or me getting attached to someone then change my mind. I don't want someone else to experience the pain that I experienced after the disappearance of my friend who was a part of this community.

With these being said you do you, but you have to keep in mind it's easier to get hurt by others when you're mentally ill and suicidal and you have to take account of every possibility.

I understand this. Thank you for your input. That's what is holding me back even if I had the balls to do try and let's say things did work in my favor. I have read plenty of stores on here how having a girlfriend/boyfriend didn't change people from being suicidal. But then again maybe that's a biased selection and maybe it helped with some people atleast.

 

[demuic]

I think if both people are honest and upfront with each other about their issues and have realistic expectations about what their relationship will be like and what kind of relationship they want, it might not be a bad idea. It depends on the individuals.

If both have similar experiences with mental health or being suicidal, then it could be easier to relate to each other. I could never stand to be around someone excessively normie in a romantic or platonic sense anyway, but that might not be a problem for others.

Relationships in general take a lot of work, and that is extra work for a suicidal person to do. Most relationships fail and adding in more complicated factors only increases the complexity and risk of failure. Someone with these issues might be more sensitive or emotionally volatile and stand to be hurt more from a relationship.

A relationship could make someone feel better but counting on a relationship to save someone from suicide or "mental health" issues is a very big mistake.

 

[Circles]

I think if both people are honest and upfront with each other about their issues and have realistic expectations about what their relationship will be like and what kind of relationship they want, it might not be a bad idea. It depends on the individuals.

If both have similar experiences with mental health or being suicidal, then it could be easier to relate to each other. I could never stand to be around someone excessively normie in a romantic or platonic sense anyway, but that might not be a problem for others.

Relationships in general take a lot of work, and that is extra work for a suicidal person to do. Most relationships fail and adding in more complicated factors only increases the complexity and risk of failure. Someone with these issues might be more sensitive or emotionally volatile and stand to be hurt more from a relationship.

A relationship could make someone feel better but counting on a relationship to save someone from suicide or "mental health" issues is a very big mistake.

I agree I wish more people were honest and could accept the truth, but I feel like most people have to lie or embellish the truth about themselves to make their lives look and sound better.

I don't know if I agree or disagree. It might be easier to relate to each other but how often are we going to meet another suicidal person in real life? Plus it feels like we'd burden each other with our problems and there's no telling what could happen.

Your third point I completely agree. But again atleast for me I'm willing to face my fears and expect to be hurt and rejected. Though I know after a while I may quit.

Your last point I understand and at the same time I don't want to put all my baggage on someone else to fix. I don't want anyone to fix or help me. But you got to admit that it's possible a relationship or hell any good human interaction could make the difference to prevent someone's suicide. I'm just tired of being alone and other stuff. Ugh. Thanks for your input also.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I wouldnt want anyone to date me even if I feel desire for it. I am too damaged physically and emotionally and I would never be able to retain someone enough to make it worth while. In other words even if I managed to make someone like me then they will see through my charade soon enough to not want anything to do with me. It will heart like a mother fucker when they walk away. Better to drown in my lonliness and deprivation than face another heartache and disappointment

 

[Circles]

I wouldnt want anyone to date me even if I feel desire for it. I am too damaged physically and emotionally and I would never be able to retain someone enough to make it worth while. In other words even if I managed to make someone like me then they will see through my charade soon enough to not want anything to do with me. It will heart like a mother fucker when they walk away. Better to drown in my lonliness and deprivation than face another heartache and disappointment

I understand. Like I feel too far gone with my problems that I wonder if it's selfish of me to get involved in another persons life. But then again when anyone gets involved with another persons life some of their problems might rub onto you also. So idk. Am I making any sense? I just wonder if that Shakespeare quote 'Better to have loved than to have never loved at all' or something is just complete bullshit. Anyway thanks for your input also. Hugs.

 

[TooConscious]

I'm in the best shape of my life since I gave up completely, it sounds ridiculous but that's how this cruel world works
I reckon the stress of my health was making it worse so since I stopped my bloods have calmed down but still bad but my skin had cleared up and I'm sleeping better.
Sorry my point was, that even with some stability in my self esteem, confidence, women aren't interestedin getting to know me because the universe wants me alone and suffering. Either that or women are inky interested in serious money. I had more attention when I was a homeless drug addict alcoholic, they love the recklessness and drama. Of course so do men, not many people like me so what can I hope for.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I would not. While a romantic relationship could possibly help one recover, it would also cause the other person great pain should you ultimately decide to ctb. This would be someone you voluntarily chose to form close connection with, in contrast to family (not something you choose) or friends (not nearly as close or interpersonal)

 

[Insomniac]

some people here, like @hotelbeneathground, got into a relationship with an equally fucked up person and it helped them lose their desire to die.

so I think if you're done working on yourself and would like someone to accept you for who you are, then you can try finding someone who is similar to you.

there's no reason that just because you're depressed you can't be in a relationship if you want to. depression needs love too sometimes.

 

[TooConscious]

I got into a relationship at 23 with a woman who was 37 and because I was basically a virgin but for paying for female company it kind of did give me a new lease of life but it didn't fix my alcohol addiction and actually infuriated it when she'd be out suckin other guys cocks if she wanted to hurt me. So I do believe relationships are hazardous for people's health. I wish I had some money to spare I'm so affection starved I was thrown away nobody wants to hold my hand, softly stroke my head, rub my back, squeeze my flesh, and most of all touch their lips and tongue with mine have their flesh against mine.. Women are wondrous but also satan can revel himself through them.
But, nope I am now turned into a brutal human savage a ferrel dog untouched unloved who cares.
Why
So
Serious

I wouldnt want anyone to date me even if I feel desire for it. I am too damaged physically and emotionally and I would never be able to retain someone enough to make it worth while. In other words even if I managed to make someone like me then they will see through my charade soon enough to not want anything to do with me. It will heart like a mother fucker when they walk away. Better to drown in my lonliness and deprivation than face another heartache and disappointment

But they choose the 'charade' of males full of bravado and steroids who will give them a black eye instead of flowers more often than not, so you 'chatade' of sadness is not a vindictive so don't be down on yourself and let it hold you back from a possible happiness, just don't lie... In a way that jeopardises their life.

No, get a pet (dog, cat, bird, iguana, etc...) instead.

Unfortunately then you're leaving the pet to a new home when you're gone. But I must admit I've thought of getting a dog, if I did it would be a stray that had been mistreated and I would spoil treat them as a living creature should be loved.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I think that it would be ok to date, as long as one is honest and open about one's suicidal ideation and mental health issues fairly early in a relationship. Maybe not blurt it out during the first date, but… as early as possible, in order to give the other person the chance to make a decision about whether or not they want to continue dating, under these very special circumstances.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I think dating is totally ok even if you are suicidal and you never know if you find someone with who you want stay.

 

[Mr2005]

Depends what makes a person suicidal. If it's not having a partner problem solved. If it's something else it probably won't help. Relationships are hard enough at the best of times

 

[Mixo]

This thread post really touched me. Thanks for sharing your concerns and questions about dating. I think that you definitely deserve love, no matter what the situation is. How are people with mental health issues supposed to obtain social support if they're always made to feel like they're not fit to be in a relationship, you know?

I have been in relationships with people who were relatively neurotypical and it was a double edged sword. My depression made it difficult for me to let them get close to me for many of the same reasons as you - a fear of rejection, a feeling of being fundamentally messed up and therefore, unlovable. I had to see a therapist for years to work through that and I committed myself to seeing a therapist during the first few months of dating, but still, it was hard and my ex-partners still didn't quite understand my issues. These days even more so, young people can be capricious and just dip at the first sign of conflict.

Still, it shouldn't deter you. You're probably way more interesting than you think and if you have any interests, you're bound to find other people who have the same hobbies as you. The only thing I'd say for mentally ill people is that maybe dating will need to look different for you. Online spaces where you can talk to the person for a while first is probably more your speed. Or even just focusing on making friends first, if intimacy is just too scary right now. There are many ways to do this, so don't throw in the towel before you've tried!

Last point although it could be irrelevant - be cautious about dating people who are also suicidal. I mean, that might sound ridiculous or judgemental, but I've been there, done that, and it's a lot more turbulent than you think.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In my case, a romantic partner is my best chance at reversing my suicide. I'm not going to pretend it will make everything perfect and erase all my anxiety and self-inflicted trauma but I do know for a fact that last year, for the five days I thought I had a real chance of getting into a relationship, there was a glimmer of hope for me until it crashed and burnt down.

Normally I have so much hatred for myself. I have this insane perception of myself as a separate entity whose life I need to ruin because he ruined my life first. This never-ending cycle of revenge and hatred was seemingly halted while I was chatting with the girl I liked. I figure it was just all oxytocin and my lizard brain gearing up to breed, but in those moments I finally felt whole, I felt complete. It was like I had been in a quantum state and then I was cured by having the two personalities merge. Unfortunately, the unmerging just left both of us even more mad at each other and now I don't even know if this result could be replicated the next time I even find someone I'm attracted to who's also attracted to me. That's just so unlikely to happen for me at this point that I shouldn't even attempt it. Plus, uhhh me having children is probably not gonna be good for the world so I need to die before I could cause that amount of harm.

 

[Hirokami]

I'm personally very hesitant on dating other people with mental illnesses, as shitty as that may seem. And if their mental illnesses are uncontrolled and severe, then it's hard no from me. In my experience, it's always made my personal mental health worse and I can't be there for my partner if I'm in a dissociative state most of the time.

And it's not like them being suicidal would make them relate to me much easier. I know a bunch of suicidal people who went through some serious shit and they're all pro-life normies who would guilt trip me for having the same feelings they have. It's bad enough to deal with that from friends and acquaintances; it would be 10x worse in a romantic relationship.

 

[l8tony]

Everyone needs love and care no matter who you are or what you are going through. Some people need it more than others. Even if it's temporary happiness. Worse feeling would be to die alone or ctb alone. But nope let's push people that need help into the dark out of sight. So basically yes they should try to date. Hopefully the person you meet loves you enough to be able to understand the baggage you are carrying. I would feel bad for my partner because it could negatively effect them. Worth a try, you're still human. Just a misunderstood human.

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

I'm borderline so I seek out relationships like I seek oxygen to breathe. They've brought me great joy but also my deepest despairing moments. When I'm in a relationship that's healthy and happy, I'm a different person. No self harm, suicidal thoughts drop 90% or so. But when things go bad (or I perceive them going bad), there's nothing that makes me want to end my life more. Its a risk each person and a potential partner decides for themself

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's an individual choice. My only input is not to lie about anything, since that came up in the thread. Be open and honest and remain that way for the entirety of the relationship. That's the only way to have a healthy relationship.

 

[GentleJerk]

If your intention is not to deliberately hurt someone, then I say yes go for it. A lot of people with mental health problems find a partner that understands and loves them regardless.

 

[WilNord]

No, especially if you're suicidal.
Imagine if you two had/adopt children and then you decide to end yourself for some reason, your children will be devastated. There's too much baggage in a relationship especially for the mentally ill/suicidal, what if they thwart your plan?

 

[OrcWitch]

I think all relationships should within the first few months disclose any emotional issues, mental illness, trauma etc. It's most fair that way. Dating as a mentally ill person is fine. I don't know the answer to being suicidal and dating, honestly.