Discussion Should people know I killed myself or should I just disappear

[LonelyDude15]

It might be easier to deal with a missing person because in that case maybe I just moved away and am happy elsewhere so you don't have to feel bad. However, I've always found the idea of a missing person to be extremely creepy and distressing I'd rather know what happened to them. If you were a family member what scenario would you prefer?

 

[TheQ22]

It might be easier to deal with a missing person because in that case maybe I just moved away and am happy elsewhere so you don't have to feel bad. However, I've always found the idea of a missing person to be extremely creepy and distressing I'd rather know what happened to them. If you were a family member what scenario would you prefer?

I've pondered this myself, but I think you're filling them with false hope that one day you might walk through the door, maybe you're still alive - they will live forever on edge waiting for you to return.

On top of that they will fear the worst while hoping for the best - maybe you're okay somewhere, or maybe you were brutally murdered, or have been kidnapped and are suffering.

Plus of course the curiosity of NEEDING to know, but never being able to know would destroy them.

So would you really be doing this "for them" or for yourself, to alleviate your own sense of guilt, or what people might say about you and what you did?

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

Without getting into details, I've dealt with many, many families of people who have been missing and presumed dead, whether by foul play or other means. I can very, very, VERY conclusively say that families in that situation are in absolute torment that never ends, far worse than if they have confirmation of their loved one's fate and a chance to properly lay their remains to rest. It's not even that they keep hoping -- eventually, for most, the hope does end. But not knowing where your loved one's remains are is absolute agony. If they know their loved one is dead, they can begin and follow the grief process. It's still awful but the not knowing is worse in every single case I've dealt with. I've known families who have spent decades searching for what happened to their loved one, and it's a horrible process to watch. They can never really move forward.

 

[Ghost2211]

I think disappearing is a lot harder on people than suicide. They will just wonder what happened if you're still alive.

 

[Aap]

If you have ANY family, it will,be MUCH harder on them if you disappear. The nature of hope is that they will always wonder if you either were kidnapped and horribly murdered or if you will walk through the door one day. This also means they have to deal with the legalities of a missing person investigation, possible suspicion of foul play, and have to go through the process of having you declared legally dead years later.

you are NOT saving anyone any heartache by just "disappear8ng."

 

[Acopia]

Without getting into details, I've dealt with many, many families of people who have been missing and presumed dead, whether by foul play or other means. I can very, very, VERY conclusively say that families in that situation are in absolute torment that never ends, far worse than if they have confirmation of their loved one's fate and a chance to properly lay their remains to rest. It's not even that they keep hoping -- eventually, for most, the hope does end. But not knowing where your loved one's remains are is absolute agony. If they know their loved one is dead, they can begin and follow the grief process. It's still awful but the not knowing is worse in every single case I've dealt with. I've known families who have spent decades searching for what happened to their loved one, and it's a horrible process to watch. They can never really move forward.

You a cop?

-A.

 

[LonelyDude15]

Ya that's what I was thinking the idea of a missing loved one makes my stomach wrench and I feel so bad for those families. Never mind never doing that

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

You a cop?

-A.

Haha no, I promise I'm not a cop!

 

[JerJoh]

If/when I ctb I'll most likely be found but it'll be too late. I'll be peacefully dead in my car, I plan on leaving without telling anyone, no warning signs, no chance of being saved or rescued and no note

When I get to that point I will just stop caring

 

[AJ95]

I've thought about it as well and for a long time wanted to just disappear completely.

But honestly with like modern technology and everything, plus the fact that I live in a massive city with 5 million people in it that's full of cameras, I think any hope of me just vanishing is pretty slim lol.

Also it would mean my parents wouldn't have any closure, and would be wondering where I was, whether I was dead or alive for the rest of their days.

So yeah, suicide it is.

 

[Acopia]

Haha no, I promise I'm not a cop!

Wouldn't really matter if you were.
I'm sure cops suffer and become suicidal too
We're all human!

 

[LonelyDude15]

Wouldn't really matter if you were.
I'm sure cops suffer and become suicidal too
We're all human!

Like Atticus said "Lawyers, I suppose, were children once."

 

[Supertramp]

I prefer not to know. Just like when Fido was sent to the farm 20 years ago. In my head he's still alive.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Just disappearing is far worse, they'll never get closure. At least if you're dead it can help them realise the error of their ways

 

[Trayus]

Disappearing is worse i think, some people might cling on to hope for a long time. The best way is to make it look like an accident, but that is very very hard to do. I though about crashing my car into something, but i dont want to damage any property - besides, the car is still good and can be of use for someone that is not as fucked up as i am.

With other types of accidents it is hard to make sure it is lethal. So i just gave up on framing it like one and wrote some nice letters, i hope that will help my parents.