Help Should I write my ex a note?

[mythofsisyphus]

I'm really unsure what to do. My ex caused me a lot of pain - gaslit me, emotionally abused me, basically cheated on me.

He's not the reason I'm suicidal, at least not the main reason.

There's so much I never got to say to him - I blocked him and cut him off after finding out the truth and I found peace in this - I felt strong and I was gonna focus on myself etc. etc.

But now my life has collapsed, I feel like I need to say some things to him, to explain the pain he caused, but to also thank him for giving me an illusion of my dreams (a home, a dog, a life companion). To give myself the closure I would have found naturally over time. I'd be clear that the note isn't about blaming him for my decision.

The thing is I'm pretty sure he's a narcissist. Deep down, I know the note will likely be used a further 'proof' of my instability in his eyes - more evidence he was the victim that was wronged. As much as it hurts, I know it's very unlikely anything I say will make him reflect on his actions and the pain he caused me. It will likely only further boost his ego - "oh he's still thinking of me".

But there's a part of me that so deeply want to say these things to him, it feels like I can't leave with peace without doing so... what should I do?

 

[foreverfalling]

Write the note, put all your feelings and what you want to say in there. But don't give it to him. Do this for yourself. You know he is a narcissist so it does you no benefit to tell him these things. With time you will find your peace.

 

[mythofsisyphus]

Write the note, put all your feelings and what you want to say in there. But don't give it to him. Do this for yourself. You know he is a narcissist so it does you no benefit to tell him these things. With time you will find your peace.

Thanks for your reply.

Sorry I realised I wasn't clear in my initial post - I mean a CTB note. I agree, if I was continuing with life I wouldn't send anything. But it's hard, facing death when I haven't healed and found peace, so just want him to know these things. I guess it's a weird way of me holding onto what we had… if he reads the note after I've gone, it's some sort of 'connection' to love that I can hold onto in my last moments.

 

[Erring]

I'd say write the note, but as the previous commenter said, write it only for yourself. Express those feelings, it will help you let them go. I'm in a similar-ish situation to yourself, and I wrote many, many words, being confused, scared and hurt. Sending them to that "Significant Other" won't ever help you, for a plethora of reasons. Either he wont care; or he will, and he'll be hurt. Your words might be true, might be not, but will only send you down (or both) the drain). It's just not worth it.

 

[Terios]

If it will make you feel at peace then do it. If I ever ctb I have planned to send mine a scheduled message after my death as a final goodbye, doesn't matter whether she cares or not or even calls me an idiot for doing that, at that point I won't be here to care either way.