Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ Sometimes I'm stressed
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,828
Ok so I'll go back a few years and start from the beginning. (any mention of cheating has nothing to do with sex just to be clear)
So I asked him out. Apparently everyone warned him I was going to cheat but he didn't care. SURPRISE! I cheated. A lot. Until finally one day I was with the other guy and I was going through his music. I found a song I never heard before by a band I really liked at the time. Last to know by there days grace. As the song played and I realized what it was about my heart crashed. I broke up with him shortly after although we were still friends. But I had all the other guys. The ones that didn't care. The ones that hurt me. And he was just always there. Even if I didn't know. Finally after a year or 2 I just..... Disappeared for 3 years I think. Until one day I messaged him. It had been eating me away that I wasn't honest with him. He knew about the cheating while we were together so that wasn't it. No it was the stupidest thing ever but I had to say sorry. I had to tell him that smoke he smelt on me was just a cover up for the joint I was sharing with my friends. So I messaged him. I was just going to say I'm sorry then leave. But I didnt. We just kept talking. And then my husband found out and I think my friend and I stopped talking for a year. Then I messaged him again. I missed him. He and I have been talking every day ever since. Well aside from the thousands of times I blocked him (for really really short periods of time). After all the talking I had found out that he had asked his mom if I could move in while we were still together. Even though he knew right f'in well that I was cheating.
I'm just not good enough for him. I had the perfect guy. I really do plan on staying away this time. He deserves so much better then me. I'd like to go back in a few years when I get everything straightened out and make up for my mistakes. Idk..... That's probably a really stupid idea. Anyway for now, I was kinda thinking about messaging his mom and letting her know she has an amazing son. Idk.... It all seems stupid. I should just forget it.
And the worse part.... Best part.... Idk..... He doesn't blame me for any of it. Even though I never told him all those years ago, he knew I was hurting and never held any of it against me and still doesnt.
I know he wont. I know he'll give me my space. And probably never read this. Or anything I've said about him since yesterday but...... I wish he'd message me and tell me I'm being stupid.
So I asked him out. Apparently everyone warned him I was going to cheat but he didn't care. SURPRISE! I cheated. A lot. Until finally one day I was with the other guy and I was going through his music. I found a song I never heard before by a band I really liked at the time. Last to know by there days grace. As the song played and I realized what it was about my heart crashed. I broke up with him shortly after although we were still friends. But I had all the other guys. The ones that didn't care. The ones that hurt me. And he was just always there. Even if I didn't know. Finally after a year or 2 I just..... Disappeared for 3 years I think. Until one day I messaged him. It had been eating me away that I wasn't honest with him. He knew about the cheating while we were together so that wasn't it. No it was the stupidest thing ever but I had to say sorry. I had to tell him that smoke he smelt on me was just a cover up for the joint I was sharing with my friends. So I messaged him. I was just going to say I'm sorry then leave. But I didnt. We just kept talking. And then my husband found out and I think my friend and I stopped talking for a year. Then I messaged him again. I missed him. He and I have been talking every day ever since. Well aside from the thousands of times I blocked him (for really really short periods of time). After all the talking I had found out that he had asked his mom if I could move in while we were still together. Even though he knew right f'in well that I was cheating.
I'm just not good enough for him. I had the perfect guy. I really do plan on staying away this time. He deserves so much better then me. I'd like to go back in a few years when I get everything straightened out and make up for my mistakes. Idk..... That's probably a really stupid idea. Anyway for now, I was kinda thinking about messaging his mom and letting her know she has an amazing son. Idk.... It all seems stupid. I should just forget it.
And the worse part.... Best part.... Idk..... He doesn't blame me for any of it. Even though I never told him all those years ago, he knew I was hurting and never held any of it against me and still doesnt.
I know he wont. I know he'll give me my space. And probably never read this. Or anything I've said about him since yesterday but...... I wish he'd message me and tell me I'm being stupid.
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