Should i try again?

[goodoldnoname923]

I'll be completely honest i got really close last night i could feel it,unfortunately I didn't pass out or take my meds. If i take my meds you reckon its worth trying again or leaving it

Idk if causing myself emotional distress again is a good idea or not…

 

[nightlygem]

Your questioning is enough to me that you aren't entirely ready just yet. That's nothing to be upset or ashamed of. If you feel the need to attempt, please do not do so impulsively. Get yourself into a relaxed state beforehand (as best as you can) and make sure you plan everything out carefully.
Regardless, your time will come, whether it's tomorrow or the day after, or a long while from now.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Your questioning is enough to me that you aren't entirely ready just yet. That's nothing to be upset or ashamed of. If you feel the need to attempt, please do not do so impulsively. Get yourself into a relaxed state beforehand (as best as you can) and make sure you plan everything out carefully.
Regardless, your time will come, whether it's tomorrow or the day after, or a long while from now.

I guess your right in the aspect i want to go but i'm afraid to given how scary it is but idk how to find the courage really

And I'm not ashamed in the slightest just somewhat annoyed I can't get over the line sorta speak.

And i see what you mean but impulse or emotional tormoil is what helps me go really,i don't think i could go into a suicidal mindset with a "calm" mind persay maybe one of acceptance but other than that yea

As far as a plan goes i already have one in place there isn't really much else i can add or do i think that i haven't already thought of or acknowledged

And i hope my time does come because honestly it feels like a long time coming

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Honestly i'm feeling pretty tried and emotional again and i'm thinking of trying again but using the methods this time

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I wish you well always

 

[lost_ange1]

I think when you ask someone if you should try you have a lot of doubts on your own mind. You question it yourself. It's your life, your choice and nobody else can take that decision. Think about reasons for and against it and make a plan.

If you don't feel ready don't do it. If you just try it out of effect you will likely fail.

Though whatever you decide, good luck for it!

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I think when you ask someone if you should try you have a lot of doubts on your own mind. You question it yourself. It's your life, your choice and nobody else can take that decision. Think about reasons for and against it and make a plan.

If you don't feel ready don't do it. If you just try it out of effect you will likely fail.

Though whatever you decide, good luck for it!

It's more i feel i have a good opportunity and want to go than maybe being "ready" as such like if i don't take it now when will i if that makes sense

 

[lost_ange1]

It's more i feel i have a good opportunity and want to go than maybe being "ready" as such like if i don't take it now when will i if that makes sense

Okay , I think I can see your point. But it could be the fear speaking?

From my experience and (obviously failed) attempt back in the days I know I felt 100% ready that day. Thinking back about how determined I was is actually kind of scary. I felt/acted like I was going on a long journey - just to never come back.

Well I'm still here but I've also never felt that ready ever again to die which is weird as from that point everything has gotten worse.

My advise would be just to be crystal clear about it in your mind and think about your method and if it's really your way and time to go.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

It's more i feel i have a good opportunity and want to go than maybe being "ready" as such like if i don't take it now when will i if that makes sense

i really wonder how to stop trying

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Okay , I think I can see your point. But it could be the fear speaking?

From my experience and (obviously failed) attempt back in the days I know I felt 100% ready that day. Thinking back about how determined I was is actually kind of scary. I felt/acted like I was going on a long journey - just to never come back.

Well I'm still here but I've also never felt that ready ever again to die which is weird as from that point everything has gotten worse.

My advise would be just to be crystal clear about it in your mind and think about your method and if it's really your way and time to go.

I'm think ultimately rn i'm split on this decision

My family are away on hoilday so they can't save me i'm super tried and with meds i feel i could pass out this time

But then again i have the sevayer coming tomorrow so if they come upstairs i'm potentially done for and my throat still hurts from my last attempt yesterday and if i fail that could be a problem

Then there is the stress and pain from the blue thing i keep looking back at old messages and i'm 90% convinced they've been tampered with but have no way to prove it plus but also the guilt of leaving my friends behind

And general fear of both outcomes one of continuning to live and the other of dying and the potential panic attack i could have again

 

[Onelegman]

I'll be completely honest i got really close last night i could feel it,unfortunately I didn't pass out or take my meds. If i take my meds you reckon its worth trying again or leaving it

Idk if causing myself emotional distress again is a good idea or not…

What method did you use?

Everyone's problem here is uncertainty, the lack of knowledge of what will happen after the action that leads us to the final moment. No matter how much we have read or seen about our method, there will always remain a doubt, no matter how small, about what will happen now?

I plan to jump, it's nothing, 2-3 seconds of falling, and even so, my brain boils with ideas and possibilities.

It is awful. If you really want to do it, with an iron mind you will achieve it. You don't have to apologize for anything, not even to repent. After my first attempt I lost my right leg and to this day there are still people who ask me if I regret what I did. I answer no, that to a certain extent I feel proud because not too many people would be capable of doing what we suicides do, we are cowards in the eyes of the philosophy of life, but truly brave in the field of decisions.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

What method did you use?

Everyone's problem here is uncertainty, the lack of knowledge of what will happen after the action that leads us to the final moment. No matter how much we have read or seen about our method, there will always remain a doubt, no matter how small, about what will happen now?

I plan to jump, it's nothing, 2-3 seconds of falling, and even so, my brain boils with ideas and possibilities.

It is awful. If you really want to do it, with an iron mind you will achieve it. You don't have to apologize for anything, not even to repent. After my first attempt I lost my right leg and to this day there are still people who ask me if I regret what I did. I answer no, that to a certain extent I feel proud because not too many people would be capable of doing what we suicides do, we are cowards in the eyes of the philosophy of life, but truly brave in the field of decisions.

Partial hangibg but its somewhat an unorthodox version that I actually got to work for me

Doubt of the method isn't a factor for me either it'll work or it wont there isn't really a risk of serve damage for me under the circumstances

I feel like tonight i have the perfect conditions to ctb but i'm not emotionally ready despite being desperate to go

Maybe it's the triedness stopping me as well as the paranoia about blue again as well as…the pain in my neck if i fail

 

[LaughingGoat]

Partial hangibg but its somewhat an unorthodox version that I actually got to work for me

Doubt of the method isn't a factor for me either it'll work or it wont there isn't really a risk of serve damage for me under the circumstances

I feel like tonight i have the perfect conditions to ctb but i'm not emotionally ready despite being desperate to go

Maybe it's the triedness stopping me as well as the paranoia about blue again as well as…the pain in my neck if i fail

To quote Lincoln, "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe". If you're not emotionally ready right now then you're just setting yourself up for failure. Better to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally before doing so if you want to have success.

 

[Abyssal]

If you need to ask then my answer is no. Do what you want, but if you need permission to attempt then it's probably not what you want in this moment

 

[Kalista]

I'll be completely honest i got really close last night i could feel it,unfortunately I didn't pass out or take my meds. If i take my meds you reckon its worth trying again or leaving it

Idk if causing myself emotional distress again is a good idea or not…

why are you asking people online whether you should live or die?

try again if you want/need to, don't if you think it's not a good idea for the time being.

when you do go through it, may you leave well.

 

[Onelegman]

Partial hangibg but its somewhat an unorthodox version that I actually got to work for me

Doubt of the method isn't a factor for me either it'll work or it wont there isn't really a risk of serve damage for me under the circumstances

I feel like tonight i have the perfect conditions to ctb but i'm not emotionally ready despite being desperate to go

Maybe it's the triedness stopping me as well as the paranoia about blue again as well as…the pain in my neck if i fail

I think you are prepared, I notice that you are like me, a very insecure person who needs the support or approval of another person even to choose a pencil or a pen. Don't feel bad about it, the mind works well for many things and very poorly for the rest.

If you already have the method, and you know it will be effective, you just have to get up the courage and do it, the pain? It will be temporary, check everything well so that nothing fails and you will get what you want so much. You don't need to make a list of pros and cons, you probably already made it in your head years ago.

As fellow LaughingGoat has said, sharpen your mind, remove those instinctive regrets as much as possible, and hit hard. It will be effective, it will be definitive.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I think you are prepared, I notice that you are like me, a very insecure person who needs the support or approval of another person even to choose a pencil or a pen. Don't feel bad about it, the mind works well for many things and very poorly for the rest.

If you already have the method, and you know it will be effective, you just have to get up the courage and do it, the pain? It will be temporary, check everything well so that nothing fails and you will get what you want so much. You don't need to make a list of pros and cons, you probably already made it in your head years ago.

As fellow LaughingGoat has said, sharpen your mind, remove those instinctive regrets as much as possible, and hit hard. It will be effective, it will be definitive.

I'm definitely prepared from a practical sense that much is obvious,i don't believe there is anything more i can do with the resources i realistically have access too

It's more am I emotionally prepared,i really don't see a way of going forward my emotions are in a wreck I'm desperate to die the stress on my heart is far too much but there is still that clincal fear of death

And courage isn't easy to find part of me is like is it about courage or just muting out the fear, the pain shouldn't be a problem given the way i intend it to work its more the panic not even the discomfort as i can manage that

This will definitely work if it goes to plan i'm fully confident about that what i'm worried about is it not so,I can't choose to pass out it's something that needs to occur naturally…again i sat for like an hour in the rope last time I believe waiting to pass out and no such action occurred it was tight enough for sure but only if i passed out and dropped down which never occurred

 

[Onelegman]

I'm definitely prepared from a practical sense that much is obvious,i don't believe there is anything more i can do with the resources i realistically have access too

It's more am I emotionally prepared,i really don't see a way of going forward my emotions are in a wreck I'm desperate to die the stress on my heart is far too much but there is still that clincal fear of death

And courage isn't easy to find part of me is like is it about courage or just muting out the fear, the pain shouldn't be a problem given the way i intend it to work its more the panic not even the discomfort as i can manage that

This will definitely work if it goes to plan i'm fully confident about that what i'm worried about is it not so,I can't choose to pass out it's something that needs to occur naturally…again i sat for like an hour in the rope last time I believe waiting to pass out and no such action occurred it was tight enough for sure but only if i passed out and dropped down which never occurred

That's why I thought about complete hanging, without so much waiting or preparation, an overwhelming weight would make my veins close whether I wanted it or not. But waiting until I fainted made me back out.

I also think I'm ready, but I can't find the final ton of courage I need to let myself fall into the void. Any advice on how to get as much as you? You are very brave.

No matter what pill they invent, the body's natural chemistry will always be more intense than anything, panic is one of the most powerful natural tools.

I think you need to find the right time, one free of distractions that appear in your mind. Nothing better than being alone when doing it, that's my opinion, I could be wrong.

For me it is a misfortune not to be able to access a weapon, there are no doubts or anything, the result is 100% satisfactory.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

That's why I thought about complete hanging, without so much waiting or preparation, an overwhelming weight would make my veins close whether I wanted it or not. But waiting until I fainted made me back out.

I also think I'm ready, but I can't find the final ton of courage I need to let myself fall into the void. Any advice on how to get as much as you? You are very brave.

No matter what pill they invent, the body's natural chemistry will always be more intense than anything, panic is one of the most powerful natural tools.

I think you need to find the right time, one free of distractions that appear in your mind. Nothing better than being alone when doing it, that's my opinion, I could be wrong.

For me it is a misfortune not to be able to access a weapon, there are no doubts or anything, the result is 100% satisfactory.

Unfortunately there isn't a way complete hanging is possibly,I considered that way before I considered partial like i am currently

I'm not saying the pill will work perfectly but i feel it would definitely aid me than if i were to do so without

Distractions such as his disgennity being one as for being alone when i do it varies on the method in this case i'd rather be alone but talking to people in my final moments is comforting

And i agree something like N or a firearm would probably be preferable but i'm ok with this method i have now

 

[Onelegman]

Unfortunately there isn't a way complete hanging is possibly,I considered that way before I considered partial like i am currently

I'm not saying the pill will work perfectly but i feel it would definitely aid me than if i were to do so without

Distractions such as his disgennity being one as for being alone when i do it varies on the method in this case i'd rather be alone but talking to people in my final moments is comforting

And i agree something like N or a firearm would probably be preferable but i'm ok with this method i have now

I also plan to take 20 mg of zolpidem to relax as much as possible and stop my mind from racing so fast.

I did a little test yesterday and I think I'll get it. It will "only" be a few seconds until impact, I think it is a fair price if I achieve my goal.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

On reflection i feel like the main things that stopped me was my emotions being in the right place which was more down to me wanting to do it at a specific time as opposed to readiness

Mainly from a idealistic standpoint of wishing to die at night as opposed to day but their was also the practical of "what if my parents come around and find me" i can take good educational guesses to alleviate that issue or even ensure that wont be the case plus i know the 2 time windows were this would occur

The second one that stops me is the loneliness factor…not because "oh i don't want to be alone" which is true but also the aspect of the method i'm trying is extremely emotionally distressing and i'm ok with this but without having anyone i can message (and preferably multiple so i'm not waiting on one exclusively) it'll take me away from the immediate panic to some extent as hard as that is

Those seem to be my 2-3 main barriers for this like before writing this post i felt emotionally ready parents shouldn't be a problem but granted no one is around for me currently…i could probably make a goodbye thread of sorts and get company there but again…

I don't NOT want to half ass this at all…i want to be emotionally ready have all the emotional support i need preferably preform at night but not required and be determined


I suppose if my emotions really get out of control and explode and get extremely desperate the need or desperation for company goes out the window entirely…i don't think that would negate the panic however but i'd be so much emotional tormoil and pain that…braving it isn't the right word…but i'd endure the psychical and psychological pain until…hopefully i succeed…i guess i just need a tipping point something to really drive me over the edge