Should I tell my parents what I've done and all the lies I've told them?

[nys]

My parents used to be abusive, and I was abused/molested from an extremely young age until I was around ten but my mom probably doesn't know about that. To escape my home, I did a lot of dangerous things from about 11-13, such as contacting dark web sex slave websites, giving people personal information, sending people explicit pictures of myself, trying to get myself sold into marriage, selling myself both online and in real life, and possibly (like there's a 50% chance) getting pregnant at 13 from it. I also made up fake friends and lied to my parents that they wanted me to stay at their house for a month- it was actually so someone could kidnap me and my parents would be a month behind if they tried to find me, but my parents still think the fake friends I made up were real. (I've told people about all of this before and they thought it was a lie, but I swear it's real. I can even give you proof of my injuries if you don't believe me.)

I can only picture two things happening if my parents find out about this. The first one is that they disown me and kick me out of the house. They DESPISE escorts and pregnant teens and can't stop complaining about them. The second and more likely thing that could happen is that my parents don't disown me, because they're no longer abusive and they actually love me now. They wouldn't cut me off or kick me out but they would never trust me again. Our relationship would never be the same. For the rest of their lives, they would blame themselves for what I did, because I did it to escape them. The thought of this happening is so horrible that I would rather take the first option than this.

Unfortunately I need to tell the police about what I did during my tween/early teen years because it's infuriating when I get up and remember that the men I talked to made me suffer and put my life in danger, but those men are still happily living their lives while my life has been destroyed and I want to kill myself because of them. Sometimes, years after I last contacted them, they find me online and do creepy stalkerish things, like one man found out my address when I didn't even tell him. One recently somehow found out my contact info and messaged me for no reason when the last time we talked was when I was 12, and asked to meet, and when I rejected him he messaged me "You're just a stupid whore who fucks for free" because of what I did as a literal child. I swear I can't live like this anymore. I can't function because I'm so mad at all of them. I need to tell the police about it so there's at least a small chance they go to prison for the rest of their lives and I never need to think about them ever again. I would have told the police a long time ago if I didn't need to worry about my parents finding out, but I know they will. So what do you think my parents will do when they find out, from what I've told you about them? Do you think it would be a good idea to tell them or should I just ctb?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

From the two outcomes you gave, and before I read those, I would say to not tell your parents any of this. It's just further self-destructive behaviour. Also I hope I'm wrong, but abusive families never seem to really change, they just fool you or you fool yourself into believing that, maybe because the abuse becomes less apparent as you get older. A lot of parents/abusive families take advantage of the abuses they can legally perform when you're a child. I do hope I'm wrong though and your family changed though.

You can go to the police and request to keep your parents completely out of it. The police will understand your request, your family doesn't need to know. I do think you should go to the police, not just for your own peace of mind, but because these men surely deserve to be imprisoned for what they did to you, and what they did to possibly others. To protect others even alone is a good enough reason to go to the police about them, I hope that they do go to prison for your sake too. Since it sounds like they engaged in paedophila the police should take you seriously, as that's an especially heinous crime.

There's no way for me to know how your parents will react because all families are different and I don't know enough about yours. I only know my own and maybe a few other abusive families and those parents would not understand, at all. They would use it against. I think don't tell, and don't ctb unless that's what you want.

I feel bad for everything you've been through, you don't deserve any of it, it's unfair. I personally understand everything you did when you were younger, self-destructive behaviour probably goes hand in hand with abusive upbringings. The responsibility of what happened is in the hands of people that were adults when it happened to you, none of it is your fault. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[y'ffre]

What will you gain if you tell them everything?
I think it is much safer not to tell them anything.

 

[DynamicDepression]

I can relate to a lot of what you've been going through, although I was a bit older than you were. I'm so terribly sorry you've had to go through this, there is nothing fair about it. Please try and remember that you were a child in an extremely vulnerable situation. None of this was your fault, regardless of what any vile people might say or what you might tell yourself.

I agree with other replies: I don't think you should tell your parents. Although I don't know every detail about your situation, it seems to me that the risks are far greater than any potential rewards. I would urge you to speak to the police about this. They abused you and chances are you're not the only one. Those men pose a very real risk to both yourself and others. If you're afraid to talk to the police or need support in doing so, I would suggest you contact an organization that helps victims of sexual abuse. Those people might also be able to help you deal with the trauma through therapy.

I wish you all the best and hope everything from now on goes as painlessly as possible for you.

 

[timf]

Your parents probably don't want past abuse brought up either. If you don't bring up your past, you all might be able to build a better future.

If creepy people from your past try to contact you, just mention that you found Jesus and would like to tell them about him or that you are now part of a police auxiliary for youth who would like to work in law enforcement. Either one should discourage them.

We all have things in our past for which we are ashamed. Keeping them secret can help keep us humble. Sharing a toxic past may hurt the people we know today.

 

[noaccount]

I personally wouldn't tell any of that to someone with a history of abusing me or others - the trust just isn't there/
(THEY'RE not trustworthy - and NOTHING you've said here makes YOU seem less trustworthy.)
I'm terribly sorry that your parents are so bigoted against sex workers also.
Sex workers have consistently been out on the front lines organizing for decriminalization and setting up grassroots aid for themselves and other criminalized / marginalized people. (SWOP / COYOTE / Red Umbrella Project / Street Youth Rise Up, to name a few)
But if you do have the chance to bring criminal charges against men who exploited you that could be a big and important thing.

NEVER feel like you need to ignore or bottle up your past or how it's affecting you or "gloss over" abuse to "save" a relationship - REALLY reformed people will be willing to take ACCOUNTABILITY for what they did to you and won't get angry at you for talking about it.

 

[Janeツ]

Do not feel guilty of what happend to you! You were a kid, it's not your fault!!! Right now you probably need someone you can trust and who will listen. Considering your parents have been abusive, they are probably not the first people to approach but in my opinion it's okay to let them know that you struggle with your mental health and you want to get better. You don't have to tell them any details. You should find a mental health supervisor who can help you with talking to the police if you are afraid of doing it alone. Please don't think about cbt to much, I believe in you! At first you should find someone to talk to maybe a friend or a therapist. Good luck :)

 

[whatevs]

Come clean. Your parents need to know it if this is the reason why you want to kill yourself and also if you want the police to be involved they'll support you. These adults that prey on children should be brought to justice.

If your parents revert to being abusive you'll lose them but if they don't your relationship will become stronger than ever and you'll have their support. It's a gamble.

 

[noaccount]

People can involve, OR NOT, whoever they like in their decisions about suicide or recovery.