Should I stay or should I go? Alcohol psychosis

[Susannah]

Ok, here's the deal.
I've been dating this "great" guy for 4 months. He's in a huge life crise. He's got some drug issues, especially concerning alcohol. I've now found a pattern in his drug behavior. Mondays are the worst. He literally turns into another human being, starts blaming me for everything bad in his life. It's my fault that he fell in love with me, and had to break to with the mother of his 2 children. He'll pack all his things, gifts he has given me and my son, food he has bought, and so on.

His x has been to my house 3 times, threathened my teenager son (I wasn't home). She texts me all the time, also blaming me for ruining a family. I haven't been in a relationship for 10y, so I'm not sure how much drama to expect in general, but I'm quite sure most of it is related to alcohol. When he turns into this crazy person, I don't recognise him at all. Can anybody relate, explain or give me some advice? Is this behavior like a psychosis? Should I get the hell out?

thanks in advance
Lots of loveS

 

[timf]

If you call people at an Alanon (family members of alcoholics) group, you might be able to get insights as to how likely it will be for his behavior to change.

 

[megafire]

yeaaaah get the hell out. you can do much better. you are not obligated to be in the middle of their dramas. take care of you and your son first, this guy is not your responsibility.

 

[alice-in-wonderland]

Put yourself first even if would mean breaking up. Relationships shouldn't be difficult and painful.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

I definitely turn into a crazy person when on a binge, albeit usually happy crazy.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I dated an alcoholic for almost 2 years. Dr Jekyl Mr hyde. He had insane jealousy. Burnt my clothes in a fire and so on. He did get sober for about 3 months. I ended the relationship he would never change.. and I was raising 2 sons. I did not want my sons to see him as how a man should treat a woman. My older son was 15-17 and HATED him. Younger son loved him and still does. My advice, you deserve so much better. It gets worse the longer you stick in there. Next it will be monday and wednesday than every day. Good luck on whatever you choose.

 

[Sherri]

Yes hun, get away fast as you can, it won't get easier the longer you stay in that toxic environment, hope you find the strength to do so. Sending you hugs. You should always come first.

 

[Intotheflames]

My dad was a gambler but addicts are really quite similar. My dad blamed me for his losing. He was meek but the things he would do when he was desperate. His loaners called and came to the house, at night.

From my experience it wouldn't get better. It's a sinking ship, and you don't have to sink with it.

 

[Emily_Numb]

It's not psychosis. The man is just an asshole. You have kids and haven't been in a relationship for 10 years but have just let this alcoholic move in and be around your children?
Stop being desperate and just latching onto whatever waste of space shows you a little interest. You are worth more than that and so are your kids.

 

[lostmyhope]

Home

Healthy relationships for young adults can be confusing. Love is more than just the way you feel, and we're here to help.

www.loveisrespect.org

Please read through this website. It is an excellent resource for learning about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Yours sounds terribly unhealthy, and I hope you can get out ASAP.

 

[Susannah]

Thanks to everyone for giving me advices. Here comes a short update. I have not given him up completely, but he voluntary admitted himself to a hospital, so now I'll get some time to think, and maybe he'll get help.

Lots of loveS

 

[Spiral]

Ok, here's the deal.
I've been dating this "great" guy for 4 months. He's in a huge life crise. He's got some drug issues, especially concerning alcohol. I've now found a pattern in his drug behavior. Mondays are the worst. He literally turns into another human being, starts blaming me for everything bad in his life. It's my fault that he fell in love with me, and had to break to with the mother of his 2 children. He'll pack all his things, gifts he has given me and my son, food he has bought, and so on.

His x has been to my house 3 times, threathened my teenager son (I wasn't home). She texts me all the time, also blaming me for ruining a family. I haven't been in a relationship for 10y, so I'm not sure how much drama to expect in general, but I'm quite sure most of it is related to alcohol. When he turns into this crazy person, I don't recognise him at all. Can anybody relate, explain or give me some advice? Is this behavior like a psychosis? Should I get the hell out?

thanks in advance
Lots of loveS

Tell him to get clean or get out. There are different types of alcoholics but if he is seeming scary and threatening at early stages it is only going to escalate until it becomes really dangerous. Put you and your kids first and run for the hills unless he knows he has a problem and is willing to get help immediately

 

[Susannah]

An update on my thread:
I want to thank everybody who warned me about this guy. Even thought I didn't take action at first, I have done it now. He just got worse and worse. He hacked my google pw when I was away, lending him my appartment where my laptop was. He found out I had talked to my friends about him, wondering what to do. He started harassing my friends and family, told them crazy lies. I threw him out. Wow, the madness that followed. He published naked pictures of me on FB. I talked to his ex, and she told me he has been like that the past 20y. He than texted us (and his children) suicidale messages, said he had overdosed. His ex called "911" and the police found him near my house. He was then sent to the hospital for evaluation, but of course he managed to manipulate himself out again. But at least I'm over him, finish. So you guys were right.

Lots of loveS

 

[TriggerHappy]

sorry you had to go through that :: you were given great advice and i'm glad:
1. that you could see it
2. that you could ask for help / advice
3. that you recognised it was getting worse and that you weren't making excuses to accept his behaviour or getting side-tracked / 'manipulatively distracted'
4. it still hurts / sucks afterwards so try not to go back / forgive (too quickly -even if recovery is promised) -it so often happens!
(don't 4get how ugly he became; it's his stuff you deserved none of it. not that ugly.)
5. my (unsolicited; hopefully not unwarranted) advice - i know you supposed to hate the behaviour not the addict; so recognise the behaviour in others but don't deny yourself the possibility of future love / caring / happiness :: maybe this was a lesson of what you don't need in your life so that you can know better what you do need...
6. this has brought up stuff i'm dealing with - i personally struggled to walk away -until damage was epic...

thanks for the vulnerability :: your strength is Fierce! XM!GS

 

[WornOutLife]

I think this invididual is not good for your life. Keeping him away will help both you and your son.

Alcoholism is certainly a problem.

If you really want to continue with him you should do it only if he accepts and starts getting help.

Usually, when we're in love with this kind of people, they're so nice sometimes that when they make us have terrible days we think: "Hey, he/she is just having a bad day. Let's just wait some more time". And that my friend, is when you end up caught in an eternal toxic circle.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. You seem to be a very nice person and don't deserve to suffer like this.

 

[Susannah]

Update:
Things only escalated when I turned him down and wanted to end all contact with him. After 6 months of serious stalking, I finally called the police for help. No one else have the authority to legally get him out of my life. So I reported him for stalking today, and now I hope to get a restraining order. I already feel better, less shameful and less scared.

Lots of loveS

 

[Julgran]

Update:
Things only escalated when I turned him down and wanted to end all contact with him. After 6 months of serious stalking, I finally called the police for help. No one else have the authority to legally get him out of my life. So I reported him for stalking today, and now I hope to get a restraining order. I already feel better, less shameful and less scared.

Lots of loveS

Well done, mam!