Discussion Should I mention this site in my note?

[heavysoul]

So, I'm in the process of writing a suicide note while waiting for SN to arrive. And it dawned on me that I'm sure my family will be wondering how I found out about SN in the first place, and it would be mysterious to leave that out of my letter and leave it up to them to figure out.
I'm sure they'll eventually figure out that I used this site in some way— what I imagine is that my best friend will tell them since I confessed to her once like, over a year ago that I browse this forum.
But should I mention it in my note? I just don't want them to direct their anger towards this site because I don't think that's necessary, but it might end up happening anyway once they find out about it and I don't want to leave them with loose ends.

 

[TheHolySword]

Honestly it isn't even that difficult to find out that SN exists without this site. There are numerous articles about it, especially regarding its use in suicide. Naming this site will do nothing to help them, if anything it will make things worse for them.

 

[mysticatedwine]

that's up to you really. it could have bad consequences for this website, if it happens to take the blame in the eyes of your family. but in any case, since a suicide leads to a crime scene and an investigation most of the time, this forum is likely to be discovered by your close ones. so... do as you wish

 

[ForeverCaHa]

One of my friends is an investigative journalist, so whether I mention it or not she'll likely figure it out. I don't really care if they find this site after the fact, but some of my venting posts are quite personal, so I worry that those could upset friends and family who read them.

As mentioned above though, there's a lengthy investigation following suicide, so the police will probably search your browsing history and etc.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

This site gets enough bad publicity as it is, so when it's my time, I don't plan to.

But as already stated, they'll probably find it on your search history.

 

[Jadeith]

Just my uneducated opinion but i think that your fam (if you have that kind of fam) will be far more interested in why you did it and that's what is kinda expected from suicide note. How you did it and where did you get info about this particular method is usually irrelevant for those left behind. Besides, as TheHolySword mentioned, data about SN and its "unorthodox" uses is widely available, especially with all those warnings in media and attempts to ban (or regulate) the substance altogether.
Mentioning SaSu will do nothing for those who might grieve after your departure and might bring harm to the site and community should someone decide to turn their grieving into anger and direct it against those who provided you with knowledge how to leave this world.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

that's up to you really. it could have bad consequences for this website, if it happens to take the blame in the eyes of your family. but in any case, since a suicide leads to a crime scene and an investigation most of the time, this forum is likely to be discovered by your close ones. so... do as you wish

How likely though? If you leave a plain note how much detective work would they even have to do?

 

[usernamenoonecares]

How do you remove your browse history so they don't see anything?

 

[wiggy]

Bear in mind there's a chance they'll think you've joined some kind of suicide cult and that was the primary motivator for the suicide. If it's important for you that they learn your motives, mentioning the site could obfuscate them.

 

[grapevoid]

No. Erase your browser history and anything that could link you to this site first.

 

[needthebus]

Bear in mind there's a chance they'll think you've joined some kind of suicide cult and that was the primary motivator for the suicide. If it's important for you that they learn your motives, mentioning the site could obfuscate them.

Yep.

You can absolutely mention the site, but it may end up being a quote in the next article about this site, and every article is a "Suicide is bad, this site exists, therefore the site is bad" article. They always imply the deceased would be alive, happy, and carefree, YOLOing on Insta while taking anti-depressants if only they hadn't accidentally clicked on the evil SaSU link by mistake. Every. Single. Article.

"My child, who had the name on this site of 'blowingmyheadoffsoon' was such a happy good boy, who never was sad, and always loved fun. I don't know how he accidentally got there, but clearly the site did something to him to change him and that's why this has happened. Please stop this evil site. If only it hadn't existed, he would have gotten the help he needed and opened up to someone who cared"

Then add like 20 more paragraphs about how SaSu makes jesus upset and lawmakers need to ban the internet to stop suicide and you have yourself a typical award winning BBC article.

It's not the parents fault when they are angry at this site because it's normal to be angry when you lose someone and to blame others. But yeah, if you make this site a big part of your suicide note, it's much more likely there will be an article about this site shortly thereafter.

It also will not matter if you've been depressed for years, have previous suicide attempts, or were taking anti-depressants for a while or had a therapist; it will not even matter if you literally put in your suicide note "I was planning to ctb before knowing about SaSu and would have done it anyway": if you die and mention SaSu in the note, there will be 1 and only 1 clear cause of your death: SaSu (according to the BBC or some other new organization).

They will also show a picture of you in the article possibly, and you will look extremely happy, be wearing bright fun colors, and look sort of care-free and clueless, like the type of person who genuinely could type into google "How do I make my brownies extra sweet?" and then accidentally click on a SaSu link that took you to a post about methods, because the photo will make you look that happy, innocent, and clueless.

But it's your note, do whatever you want (except random plug for my "pro-life" post about not ctbing that everyone hates... called "things to do prior...") I think it will be distracting and lead your family into some labarinthian maze like attempt to place blame instead of just grieving normally. They probably would want to know everything, but if they do, it really could end up as an article.

 

[Kbeau]

that's up to you really. it could have bad consequences for this website, if it happens to take the blame in the eyes of your family. but in any case, since a suicide leads to a crime scene and an investigation most of the time, this forum is likely to be discovered by your close ones. so... do as you wish

Suicide isn't a crime in my country (US).

 

[Saponification]

Don't. The less attention this site has, the better.

 

[Kbeau]

Don't. The less attention this site has, the better.

Correct.

 

[grapevoid]

Yep.

You can absolutely mention the site, but it may end up being a quote in the next article about this site, and every article is a "Suicide is bad, this site exists, therefore the site is bad" article. They always imply the deceased would be alive, happy, and carefree, YOLOing on Insta while taking anti-depressants if only they hadn't accidentally clicked on the evil SaSU link by mistake. Every. Single. Article.

"My child, who had the name on this site of 'blowingmyheadoffsoon' was such a happy good boy, who never was sad, and always loved fun. I don't know how he accidentally got there, but clearly the site did something to him to change him and that's why this has happened. Please stop this evil site. If only it hadn't existed, he would have gotten the help he needed and opened up to someone who cared"

Then add like 20 more paragraphs about how SaSu makes jesus upset and lawmakers need to ban the internet to stop suicide and you have yourself a typical award winning BBC article.

It's not the parents fault when they are angry at this site because it's normal to be angry when you lose someone and to blame others. But yeah, if you make this site a big part of your suicide note, it's much more likely there will be an article about this site shortly thereafter.

It also will not matter if you've been depressed for years, have previous suicide attempts, or were taking anti-depressants for a while or had a therapist; it will not even matter if you literally put in your suicide note "I was planning to ctb before knowing about SaSu and would have done it anyway": if you die and mention SaSu in the note, there will be 1 and only 1 clear cause of your death: SaSu (according to the BBC or some other new organization).

They will also show a picture of you in the article possibly, and you will look extremely happy, be wearing bright fun colors, and look sort of care-free and clueless, like the type of person who genuinely could type into google "How do I make my brownies extra sweet?" and then accidentally click on a SaSu link that took you to a post about methods, because the photo will make you look that happy, innocent, and clueless.

But it's your note, do whatever you want (except random plug for my "pro-life" post about not ctbing that everyone hates... called "things to do prior...") I think it will be distracting and lead your family into some labarinthian maze like attempt to place blame instead of just grieving normally. They probably would want to know everything, but if they do, it really could end up as an article.

Hilarious.

 

[heavysoul]

Yep.

You can absolutely mention the site, but it may end up being a quote in the next article about this site, and every article is a "Suicide is bad, this site exists, therefore the site is bad" article. They always imply the deceased would be alive, happy, and carefree, YOLOing on Insta while taking anti-depressants if only they hadn't accidentally clicked on the evil SaSU link by mistake. Every. Single. Article.

"My child, who had the name on this site of 'blowingmyheadoffsoon' was such a happy good boy, who never was sad, and always loved fun. I don't know how he accidentally got there, but clearly the site did something to him to change him and that's why this has happened. Please stop this evil site. If only it hadn't existed, he would have gotten the help he needed and opened up to someone who cared"

Then add like 20 more paragraphs about how SaSu makes jesus upset and lawmakers need to ban the internet to stop suicide and you have yourself a typical award winning BBC article.

It's not the parents fault when they are angry at this site because it's normal to be angry when you lose someone and to blame others. But yeah, if you make this site a big part of your suicide note, it's much more likely there will be an article about this site shortly thereafter.

It also will not matter if you've been depressed for years, have previous suicide attempts, or were taking anti-depressants for a while or had a therapist; it will not even matter if you literally put in your suicide note "I was planning to ctb before knowing about SaSu and would have done it anyway": if you die and mention SaSu in the note, there will be 1 and only 1 clear cause of your death: SaSu (according to the BBC or some other new organization).

They will also show a picture of you in the article possibly, and you will look extremely happy, be wearing bright fun colors, and look sort of care-free and clueless, like the type of person who genuinely could type into google "How do I make my brownies extra sweet?" and then accidentally click on a SaSu link that took you to a post about methods, because the photo will make you look that happy, innocent, and clueless.

But it's your note, do whatever you want (except random plug for my "pro-life" post about not ctbing that everyone hates... called "things to do prior...") I think it will be distracting and lead your family into some labarinthian maze like attempt to place blame instead of just grieving normally. They probably would want to know everything, but if they do, it really could end up as an article.

Thanks for this perspective, and everyone else for all the other responses. Yeah I'll definitely steer clear of mentioning this site and if they find out anyways, oh well. But I've focused largely on my reasons and history with depression in my note and I'll continue to discuss that

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Your browsing history and more is still kept by your phone/Internet provider for at least some period of time.

 

[Corvette90]

I would not throw this site under the bus. I'm a grown rational person this site hasn't influenced me at all. Also its not like its super easy to find you have to intentionally circumnavigate the blocks (in the uk anyway). I would not mention this site if I left a note. You have free will but it would definitely give more ammunition to getting this site restricted further. No good can come of it really.

 

[grapevoid]

Do you guys access this site on your normal browser even? I only come here on a vpn and incognito. lol.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You should not mention this forum rather you should try to erase all traces including that one where you bought your SN as best as you can. Just a reset or simple format of your hard disk won't do the job - this data can be recovered easily if your parents want to investigate that deep.

It's not important for them to know where you got your SN from and your sources of information it's important for your parents to understand why you wanted to leave.

Whether you wanna share this in your note or not is up 2 you but also keep in mind that there are many others who need a safe space now and in the future. It's better not to mention the forum there at all it's not beneficial.

Do you guys access this site on your normal browser even? I only come here on a vpn and incognito. lol.

A VPN doesn't stop a browser from storing a history. Even if the history is deleted every time you restart the browser with forensic tools it might still be possible to recover parts of the history that was stored locally. This in the case, hardware is examined in depth.

 

[grapevoid]

You should not mention this forum rather you should try to erase all traces including that one where you bought your SN as best as you can. Just a reset or simple format of your hard disk won't do the job - this data can be recovered easily if your parents want to investigate that deep.

It's not important for them to know where you got your SN from and your sources of information it's important for your parents to understand why you wanted to leave.

Whether you wanna share this in your note or not is up 2 you but also keep in mind that there are many others who need a safe space now and in the future. It's better not to mention the forum there at all it's not beneficial.


A VPN doesn't stop a browser from storing a history. Even if the history is deleted every time you restart the browser with forensic tools it might still be possible to recover parts of the history that was stored locally. This in the case, hardware is examined in depth.

No one cares that much to see what I'm doing online I only access it through a vpn so when I ctb I can just delete my vpn and there will be no easily accessible trace of me being on this site. No one's going to look hard enough to recoup my vpn and do a forensic search on my computer hahahha

 

[J&L383]

that's up to you really. it could have bad consequences for this website, if it happens to take the blame in the eyes of your family. but in any case, since a suicide leads to a crime scene and an investigation most of the time, this forum is likely to be discovered by your close ones. so... do as you wish

I would weigh in on recommending not naming this site, I don't see a good reason to.

 

[SVEN]

Will it be any comfort for them to know how you learnt of SN (there are many ways) or to find you were a member of a suicide site ? I doubt it myself. It could well, however, result in yet another adverse article(s) on SS.

 

[heavysoul]

I hear what you're all saying— so then, what are some ways to destroy evidence of my SN transactions and my history on this site? (For reference, I bought the SN through instant money transfer so I'm not sure how feasible that is to cover up, and I only browse this site in incognito mode)

 

[Turtle Power]

I hear what you're all saying— so then, what are some ways to destroy evidence of my SN transactions and my history on this site? (For reference, I bought the SN through instant money transfer so I'm not sure how feasible that is to cover up, and I only browse this site in incognito mode)

Factory reset all your devices and computers. Remove all hard drives from your computers and physically destroy them.

Ideally, throw everything in random bins in different locations so that's it's not all together.

By the time you ctb the evidence will be long gone.

I have watched a lot of spy movies, haha.

 

[littlelungs]

I definitely wouldn't. This forum is already misunderstood and has had enough bad publicity as it is, and mentioning it would most likely just draw more negative attention to it, even if you mentioned it in a positive way (e.g. made you feel less alone).

Don't. The less attention this site has, the better.

Completely agree.

 

[grapevoid]

Factory reset all your devices and computers. Remove all hard drives from your computers and physically destroy them.

Ideally, throw everything in random bins in different locations so that's it's not all together.

By the time you ctb the evidence will be long gone.

I have watched a lot of spy movies, haha.

This is a good plan. I plan to factory reset my devices a few days before so there is some history on them but not access any resources leading back to here after the reset except from my phone in incognito. I don't think I'm important enough for them to spend too much time digging into my history lol but my only real concern is covering the source which could technically be traced if they tried through my bank statements and a small amount of digging even though I made my payment through a third party source. Any ideas how to prevent that?

 

[JesiBel]

Sorry but.. It would be selfish to mention this site in your note. Just as you have obtained reliable information about ctb methods, other people should be able to access them as well. If this site is removed or banned, this would no longer be possible.

 

[goodbyeapollo]

Please don't mention this site. Most importantly: it's not going to help your family heal to know exactly how you discovered SN. There's also a chance that disclosing this information will lead to negative press which this forum doesn't need.

This site is a rare resource for people at our lowest. There are already too many articles shifting the blame onto websites as if the internet had the power to brainwash people. Too many grieving families want a villain to blame instead of dealing with a loss and too many journalists love generating clickbait. If a local journalist talks to a family member or a friend, do you want to add to the pressure to take down this site? Hopefully not.

I've lost a family member to suicide. Do I care where he bought the weapon? No. I wanted to know what he was thinking before he left this earth. If you're going to write a note, think of it as a goodbye. Take that space to tell people that you love them but decided to end your life. Tell them that they're not to blame for your decision.