Should I just talk to my mum about it?

[Mustkeyknow]

She witness my first attempt (slit wrists) and she's barely recovering, she thinks I'm recovering too. Has no idea I'm planning to CTB on SN, but then again this forum has opened my eyes a lot to the meaningless of life and how I just don't have the energy to take it anymore. I want her to understand that I just don't wanna be alive anymore, have no reason to live other than to make her happy I'm alive. But it's not fair, it's not fair for both us.

I was planning on CTBing this weekend, but I got some job interviews lined up for next week. I don't even know why I bother anymore, I've been in job interviews for about a year, nothing good comes out of it. The hope~ that a better job will save me, but at this point I'm not even sure anymore. And it's going to be an endless loop of me lining up interview after interview, postponing CTB till don't know when. All I can think about is that users quote about how it's either now or never.

I don't know. It gives me bliss and probably a false sense of security knowing I have a way out. Im literally hugging my SN rn.

I just wanna sleep forever.

 

[ComingClose]

Hi.
It's definitely not 'now or never'!! You take your time, think about it, go to those job interviews. You sound very despondent but the fact that you're lining up interviews suggests that you think there could be a better future for you so please don't rush into anything just because others say 'it's now or never'; anyone who has said that is talking personally, about how THEY feel but notice that the majority of us stick around long after we say that. CTB is not something to do when you still have a glimmer of hope, no matter how small that glimmer is.
Talk to somebody, everyone here seems to be good at listening:)

 

[heheb27595]

She can call the cops on you and put you in hospital

 

[Steve3PO]

You too huh? I want to sleep for ever as well. Good luck on your interviews. Maybe CTB can wait.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I agree with @ComingClose. What that person said applies to them. It is not universal.

As far as telling your mum.... Your consideration of ctb is in your yard, your area of responsibility. If you tell her, then she will perhaps take it as you putting it in her yard and feel she has to take responsibility for preventing it. Why do you want to tell her? Do you want to prepare her? I don't think you can. Do you want someone to take responsibility to help you not ctb? Going on job interviews sounds like you are owning responsibility for your well-being and survival. Maybe you need some additional support from someone who has the tools to help you solve the root causes of considering ctb because you don't see alternative solutions to those problems, but won't take ownership of them like your mum probably would.

Just my thoughts.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I'm having the dilemma of whether to tell my family or not as well. Though in my case it's different. They will probably just roll their eyes and go "Here be goes again." I don't know what the right answer is. Me personally, I wouldn't tell her. She will do everything she can muster up to stop you. I would put myself through anything to save my daughter. Anything.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I'm kind of surprised that the message you're finding here is one of a meaningless life. This place is filled with more life than most groups I've ever seen.

Even when someone is at their end, we talk about self-determination and choosing your fate, not giving in to some maudlin idea.

It seems to me that you have plenty of things to keep you going. The job interviews would give me something to look forward to. I love testing the waters and seeing what's out there. Sometimes they just make wherever you are look better

Telling your mom sounds a bit risky to me, as you might wind up without control of your choices but perhaps that would be okay with you, too.

Just know that whatever you do right now is just for right now. It doesn't have to be forever, or even for very long. Until you ctb, you can always change your mind. Keeping that might be your best option right now.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't know your mum but I wish I'd never said anything to mine. I barely see her anymore

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I really wouldn't tell her I don't think. Go to those interviews.

 

[Ghost2211]

I've found that if you're set on ctb telling people is not ideal. They get upset and freak out.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Hang in there and open up to mom

 

[waterbottleman]

I find it sad that one of the most positive things in our lives is being "successful" at some job we grow to despise.

Life sucks.

I know this is part of the reason I want to ctb, I'm in my twenties and have 40+ years to look forward to slaving away at some job that I lack passion for and ultimately in the grand scheme of things is meaningless and has no large impact on anything.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Jobs are not everything. I know to you right now it seems that life is meaningless and trust me most days I feel like life is meaningless but I'm in a good enough state right now to say anyone can find something in life that gives it meaning. Idk your situation but if you can you should try to find something you enjoy and if you can't enjoy anything just keep the hope. I know this is hard for you right now but just try your best. And your mom. I think you should let your mom know you're hurting and maybe ease into telling her how you're hurting but don't tell her straight out you want to ctb. Ease your way into it and have her sit down with enough time to explain everything. I'm thinking of you and if you choose to tell her I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Jobs are not everything. I know to you right now it seems that life is meaningless and trust me most days I feel like life is meaningless but I'm in a good enough state right now to say anyone can find something in life that gives it meaning. Idk your situation but if you can you should try to find something you enjoy and if you can't enjoy anything just keep the hope. I know this is hard for you right now but just try your best. And your mom. I think you should let your mom know you're hurting and maybe ease into telling her how you're hurting but don't tell her straight out you want to ctb. Ease your way into it and have her sit down with enough time to explain everything. I'm thinking of you and if you choose to tell her I wish you the best of luck.

Unfortunately in this capitalist economy jobs really are everything. I wish I could become a monk or a hobo and just live by but the odds are pretty much against me. Choosing the right career is a matter of life and death and I chose wrong unfortunately. I wish there was another way out. There's gotta be something.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

I find it sad that one of the most positive things in our lives is being "successful" at some job we grow to despise.

Life sucks.

I know this is part of the reason I want to ctb, I'm in my twenties and have 40+ years to look forward to slaving away at some job that I lack passion for and ultimately in the grand scheme of things is meaningless and has no large impact on anything.

Reframe it. You are not your job; your job is a $$$ figure that allows you to live your life. Look at it that way and it becomes easier.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Unfortunately in this capitalist economy jobs really are everything. I wish I could become a monk or a hobo and just live by but the odds are pretty much against me. Choosing the right career is a matter of life and death and I chose wrong unfortunately. I wish there was another way out. There's gotta be something.

Sorry if I wasn't clear I didn't write out my words right I meant that your job should make you happy but shouldn't be the full source of ones happiness. I person should also find joy in things other than their job.