Help should i just drop out?

[woodlandcreature]

i'm going to die anyways, if i drop out i truly have no excuse. i'm so tired i don't have the energy to do anything but chat on here sometimes, research methods, sleep, cry, and dissociate. i really cannot do this anymore. it's so agonizing. original plan had been by april. if i drop out now, i feel like that can truly be a reality.
should i just do it? i'm not doing well in school anymore either way, and it has taken away any passions i used to have. i still love to study what i study but any type of career in general is inaccessible to my disabled self and im tired of having to do more work–having to prove myself more–just because of my disabilities. i just want to die.

 

[Chemi]

I dropped out of doing my master's degree with the exact same mindset. In hindsight, I probably wouldn't do it anymore. As stupid as it sounds, and many normies use it in the wrong way, but you never know if your mood changes. Don't throw your future away if you aren't sure enough to CTB right now in this exact moment.

Sabotaging your future might seem like a good idea to push you over the edge, but dropping out gets met with even more hate and disappointment from others around you. Instead of CTBing because you want to, now you feel forced into it by overwhelming amounts of hate from others, as well as self-hatred and regret caused by it. I wouldn't want my last months to be actual torture again, stripping me of the last bits of joy I had.

However, I am not in your shoes and I don't know your current situation and what your life is like. In the end, that's a decision you have to make. All I can say is, I made that decision, and I personally regretted it. I dropped out for the wrong reasons.

 

[woodlandcreature]

I dropped out of doing my master's degree with the exact same mindset. In hindsight, I probably wouldn't do it anymore. As stupid as it sounds, and many normies use it in the wrong way, but you never know if your mood changes. Don't throw your future away if you aren't sure enough to CTB right now in this exact moment.

Sabotaging your future might seem like a good idea to push you over the edge, but dropping out gets met with even more hate and disappointment from others around you. Instead of CTBing because you want to, now you feel forced into it by overwhelming amounts of hate from others, as well as self-hatred and regret caused by it. I wouldn't want my last months to be actual torture again, stripping me of the last bits of joy I had.

However, I am not in your shoes and I don't know your current situation and what your life is like. In the end, that's a decision you have to make. All I can say is, I made that decision, and I personally regretted it. I dropped out for the wrong reasons.

good advice, and i generally don't disagree. i should probably elaborate my situation more i guess.
the main reason i'm not dead right now is bc i have to reliable way to die. no rope, no bridges (high enough), no sn, etc (i have $5 in my account lmao). also all of my family genuinely wants me to just drop out already, i really don't think they care about me enough to be disappointed. i'm the only one who will be disappointed, and ive been disappointed in myself forever.
i understand the idea of not having your final time alive be pure agony, but i think it already is for me.
thank you for your input though; i'm not disregarding it at all!!
i'm sorry you have experience with this <3

 

[NutOrat]

I can only speak on my experience, I somehow dragged myself through my third bachelor year, and failed to submit my thesis on time. I was in a terrible mental state for two and a half years already, worse than now (maybe). I was barely moving, like a living zombie, also was living alone abroad. My parents had to drive there and take me away, they had to clean my apartment before giving it back to the landlords because I was unable to clean it, I haven't in half a year. It was bad.

Anyway, I was really ready to give up, because I also lashed out on my teacher with whom I had to do the thesis (she was a massive B), and she rejected me and said she won't be working with me anymore. I wrote 40 pages by then, and I had to find another teacher and start anew. Maybe it's because it was "the finish line", but I chose to go and beg her on my knees, and she agreed to do it till February. I passed with no issues, but it did take half a year extra, + I'm still waiting for my diploma.

Point is, I don't know what your academic situation is, but I know starting from second half of the first year I was already full depression-mode, and it was downhill from then. I held on not because I had energy, or will, but because, on the off chance that it will pass, I'll still have something to cling onto. Like @Chemi said, don't sabotage yourself for no reason, let there be a safety-pad in case you fail to ctb or decide to drop it entirely. Wish you the best.

 

[woodlandcreature]

I can only speak on my experience, I somehow dragged myself through my third bachelor year, and failed to submit my thesis on time. I was in a terrible mental state for two and a half years already, worse than now (maybe). I was barely moving, like a living zombie, also was living alone abroad. My parents had to drive there and take me away, they had to clean my apartment before giving it back to the landlords because I was unable to clean it, I haven't in half a year. It was bad.

Anyway, I was really ready to give up, because I also lashed out on my teacher with whom I had to do the thesis (she was a massive B), and she rejected me and said she won't be working with me anymore. I wrote 40 pages by then, and I had to find another teacher and start anew. Maybe it's because it was "the finish line", but I chose to go and beg her on my knees, and she agreed to do it till February. I passed with no issues, but it did take half a year extra, + I'm still waiting for my diploma.

Point is, I don't know what your academic situation is, but I know starting from second half of the first year I was already full depression-mode, and it was downhill from then. I held on not because I had energy, or will, but because, on the off chance that it will pass, I'll still have something to cling onto. Like @Chemi said, don't sabotage yourself for no reason, let there be a safety-pad in case you fail to ctb or decide to drop it entirely. Wish you the best.

i'm so glad you were able to get through it, but i'm sorry it was a struggle <3
yeah, it's taking me a year longer than it should (5 years; i still have three semesters left not including the one that's about to end) which is honestly making this more agonizing, but i ended up in the hospital for two semesters i was supposed to be in classes :-/
the worst thing is before i was really passionate and i had dreams/career goals, but as ive been increasingly exposed to how my field works (via school/professors & networking) it just makes me want to die more. the thought of graduating or going down literally any career path at this point doesn't bring me a feeling of comfort or safety/security anymore, it's just agony </3