Help Should I hospitalize myself in order to keep my financial aid? Or should I actually try to die in the process?

[Pigeonleaderboard44]

I just got an email stating that I failed SAP and will need to appeal in order to get my financial aid back. This isn't the first time this has happened, and honestly it might not be the last but I'm unsure of what to do. On one hand I wanna do what I did last time and take an attempt on my life. Usually these are done privately and people don't know. And obviously they haven't really been working ( mostly cuz I can't get my hand on a gun ) Another thing I could do is just hospitalize myself for the paperwork and send that for the appeal. It would alert my family, friends, and therapist ( who's probably gonna be very disappointed) and might get me fired ( maybe idk how my job would take it ) but it's better than nothing. I could send in that paperwork along with the other shitty stuff going down in my life. (TLDR) But idk, I guess what I'm asking- should I take an actual attempt on my life and die? Or just be hospitalized again?

 

[Celerity]

How would it get you fired? And if you are as worried about financial aid as you seem to be, this tells me you want to live.

 

[Pigeonleaderboard44]

I'm moreso worried about my family. My mom might need to do chemo and barely has any money as is. I think money is really the root of why I want to attempt tbh I don't make enough as is and the financial aid was supposed to help. Now knowing I can't get that kinda makes me think killing myself would be easier to make them money

 

[Celerity]

I'm moreso worried about my family. My mom might need to do chemo and barely has any money as is. I think money is really the root of why I want to attempt tbh I don't make enough as is and the financial aid was supposed to help. Now knowing I can't get that kinda makes me think killing myself would be easier to make them money

If money is the chief concern, how about you drop out for a while and work? It can be hard to find a company to move up in without a degree, but it can be done. If my academic plans fall through, I could move up through my company and live a good life (financially anyway) without any additional schooling. And then if that doesn't work out, you can always go back to school. I'm much older than my classmates but have little difficulty keeping up with them.

 

[Pigeonleaderboard44]

I'm just scared I guess. I'm scared cuz I'm going into all this without a plan for the first time. School was all I ever knew, and while I have a lot of experience I'm scared I won't be able to get a job or get a job and lose the benefits I have. Idk I just didn't wanna struggle and it seems like I will no matter what. Which is also why I wanna die

 

[Celerity]

I'm just scared I guess. I'm scared cuz I'm going into all this without a plan for the first time. School was all I ever knew, and while I have a lot of experience I'm scared I won't be able to get a job or get a job and lose the benefits I have. Idk I just didn't wanna struggle and it seems like I will no matter what. Which is also why I wanna die

I was intimidated by the work world for the same reasons, but you will get the hang of it in time. The best thing about entry-level jobs is that you're often the best person there just by showing up. It doesn't need to be something you have to win at, just something that pays the bills until you can figure out what it is you want to do. That might be going back to school eventually or staying in industry or training for another career you haven't even heard of. The point is that you are putting too much pressure on yourself and could afford to take it easy at a simple job until things improve.

 

[Pigeonleaderboard44]

I think I'm gonna try that! Hopefully my depression won't be as bad

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I just got an email stating that I failed SAP and will need to appeal in order to get my financial aid back. This isn't the first time this has happened, and honestly it might not be the last but I'm unsure of what to do. On one hand I wanna do what I did last time and take an attempt on my life. Usually these are done privately and people don't know. And obviously they haven't really been working ( mostly cuz I can't get my hand on a gun ) Another thing I could do is just hospitalize myself for the paperwork and send that for the appeal. It would alert my family, friends, and therapist ( who's probably gonna be very disappointed) and might get me fired ( maybe idk how my job would take it ) but it's better than nothing. I could send in that paperwork along with the other shitty stuff going down in my life. (TLDR) But idk, I guess what I'm asking- should I take an actual attempt on my life and die? Or just be hospitalized again?

It's against the rules to ask other users what you should do. You and only you are responsible for the choices you make.