Should I ctb or give life another chance?

[Emilia1012]

I purchased SN so I could just CTB anytime I want.
I am suicidal since few months because of the following events : I caused an accident in which I almost became paralysed (I recovered but I am 90% not 100% anymore). -I feel very quilty because of the accident and worry about my future health problems. I have anxiety attacks, I hate myself and everyday is just suffering.
Before all this happened I was very happy ,positive person and I never even experienced any depression. Now I want to die everyday. Having SN gave me some calmness however

 

[Life_and_Death]

if i were you id at least try to give life another chance

 

[WornOutLife]

That's up to you to decide but I think it's always worth giving life a chance until you run out of options!
At least that's what I'm doing. Some days I just wanna jump in front of a train but some others I'm quite happy actually!

 

[Bensharp]

Give life another chance please

 

[Bat 17]

Sounds like you've been through hell. I know a little bit of what you mean because I paralysed myself (CTB attempt) and now I'm 90% rather than 100%. But it's still early days for you, it's only been a few months. Don't do anything impulsive with that SN. Things can get better

 

[Beachedwhale]

Try everything to improve first

 

[Emilia1012]

Sounds like you've been through hell. I know a little bit of what you mean because I paralysed myself (CTB attempt) and now I'm 90% rather than 100%. But it's still early days for you, it's only been a few months. Don't do anything impulsive with that SN. Things can get better

Yes, I have been in real hell.. and still feels like I am. Also just day before the accident my bf left me (that is the reason I was sad and distracted and caused it actually). What kind of suicide attempt left you almost paralysed?
I just hate myself so much, because accident could be avoided if I only was smarter.

 

[Neowise]

First of all welcome on Sanctioned Suicide!
Whenever you feel like talking to someone hop on, the people here are generally nice and like to listen.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, being left by your boyfriend and then having an accident on top of that. That must be harsh!
Whether you want to drink SN or give life another chance is only your choice, but I personally would try to better the situation. Your boyfriend left you and I understand it hurts, but I am sure you will find someone who loves you again. This just needs time.
90% isn't bad, it is possible to live a life without issues. Now I don't know what exactly is limiting you, but perhaps you could try to strengthen certain muscles to gain back your movability?

 

[FuneralCry]

In general ctb is what people do as an last resort option, if they know their suffering will never improve and they have exhausted all options. So therefore if you are questioning whether to do it now or not, then maybe you should wait.Its good to have the SN there just in case so there is an way out if you choose.

 

[Bat 17]

Yes, I have been in real hell.. and still feels like I am. Also just day before the accident my bf left me (that is the reason I was sad and distracted and caused it actually). What kind of suicide attempt left you almost paralysed?
I just hate myself so much, because accident could be avoided if I only was smarter.

I tried to CTB with carbon monoxide.

I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend left you too.

Would you wish to share with us what happened in the accident ?

 

[Water-Lily]

Honestly, its up to you. Only you can make that choice. Your pain is valid and you have suffered a lot so its understandable you want to eliminate the pain. However, recovery doesn't hurt either. You can do both. You can have both in your pocket. Suicide will always be there, but recovery is always there too. Its up to you

 

[Alexander]

Give another chances to life. For me too having SN ready for CTB makes me feel more serene and less anxious, but it's only the last option.

 

[Emilia1012]

I tried to CTB with carbon monoxide.

I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend left you too.

Would you wish to share with us what happened in the accident ?

Oh I though maybe your attempt was jumping. How is it possible carbon monoxide left you almost paralysed?

I fell from a galloping horse. I was angry and sad on that day and I just didn't care, I was really careless. Also it is not like I have that big experience with horseriding so I totally shouldn't do it.

I tried to CTB with carbon monoxide.

I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend left you too.

Would you wish to share with us what happened in the accident ?

Also my ex boyfriend and his new gf are climbing mountains and doing amazing things while I am still at home recovering and thinking If I ever be able to climb any mountain again, and if I am still lovable being so stupid like I am.
I don't know why life was so cruel with me

 

[saltshaker]

Flip a coin!

 

[Bat 17]

Oh I though maybe your attempt was jumping. How is it possible carbon monoxide left you almost paralysed?

I fell from a galloping horse. I was angry and sad on that day and I just didn't care, I was really careless. Also it is not like I have that big experience with horseriding so I totally shouldn't do it.


Also my ex boyfriend and his new gf are climbing mountains and doing amazing things while I am still at home recovering and thinking If I ever be able to climb any mountain again, and if I am still lovable being so stupid like I am.
I don't know why life was so cruel with me

There's nothing stupid about falling from a horse, it's a very bad accident but I'm glad you've been able to make a significant if not complete recovery. Hopefully things won't be as bad as you fear

your ex boyfriend can go to hell and I hope he and his gf fall off that mountain !

carbon monoxide is a nerve toxin. I woke up still alive but unable to move my legs...

 

[WaterHemlock]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry you're in pain.
I agree with what other folks have said here to not be impulsive about it. If you've already got the means you have some time to think.
Personally, my rule for myself has always been: Never kill yourself when you're in a bad mood.
It's such an important desicion that it's worth having a clear head for. And for all the many times I've had death in my hands and let it go, there have been times I was glad of that the day after, times of love and beauty, times I was able to help someone else.
It's your desicion. I wish you well.

 

[filtfarfar]

Sounds like you've been through hell. I know a little bit of what you mean because I paralysed myself (CTB attempt) and now I'm 90% rather than 100%. But it's still early days for you, it's only been a few months. Don't do anything impulsive with that SN. Things can get better

I feel you bro. I also damaged myself when trying to CTB (jumping). I am in a similar situation as you OP, don't know how I am supposed to cope with this new situation.

 

[ShutUpEli]

Honestly probably not the forum to ask if you'd give life a second chance lol. Most of us here have given it twenty.

 

[Emilia1012]

There's nothing stupid about falling from a horse, it's a very bad accident but I'm glad you've been able to make a significant if not complete recovery. Hopefully things won't be as bad as you fear

your ex boyfriend can go to hell and I hope he and his gf fall off that mountain !

carbon monoxide is a nerve toxin. I woke up still alive but unable to move my legs...

Thank you so much, you made me smile which is very hard recently. I am sorry you had to go through this.. and glad you also made 90% recovery. Life is really unfair.