Help Should I choose a different way so family won't find me?

[WordsAreHard]

I am finding it difficult to decide how to go about this. My favorite idea is to walk out to where my son was found and use the same method he did. I can easily get a gun and have researched guns, ammo, and aim. My main problem with this is that my family would definitely find me. When we found my son, I thought he looked peaceful. Almost like he had just fallen asleep but not everyone saw it that way. Some have told me how they can't get it out their head or keep having nightmares about it. I have a wonderful family and I would like to cause as little pain as possible. I thought of calling it in first but worry if something goes wrong. I don't want to be stuck here and lose all my options. Maybe even if I messed up I would still bleed out in time.

Should I give up on this? I could easily get a hotel room or just walk in front of a train as I live right next to the tracks. Would that really be any better for my family?

I have told them all that I just want to die and I pray for god to take me. I think they actually understand. They don't want me to die but living another month or year without my son is the worst future I could ever imagine. I have lost all interest in life. Nothing that mattered before does now. Even the love I have for those who care about me is different. Everything I do I force myself to because I don't want anyone to worry about me and possibly restrict my options.

 

[cranberrys]

I dont have advice but I just came to say that I get how you feel. It's not exactly the same as losing a child, but I lost my little sister that I basically raised. It's awful and I've never felt the same since. I hope that whatever happens, you manage to find peace

 

[KatzeK4]

If you don't mind me asking, where did your son CTB? I want to help you still use the same location, but its hard without knowing the circumstances.

 

[dinosavr]

I'd choose a different place if I were you. The idea of traumatizing someone in general isn't that awful until you realize that it will actually be your face and body they'll see in their nightmares. So I guess the choice depends on how much that disturbs you + how much you care about your death to be as you've imagined it. After all, suicide is still quite generous when it comes down to choosing your comfort conditions compared to other deaths. So I don't know. I'm sorry you've been through all that and that you are where you are right now:( I hope everything goes well!

 

[WordsAreHard]

If you don't mind me asking, where did your son CTB? I want to help you still use the same location, but its hard without knowing the circumstances.

It a wooded area that is about a 10 min walk from closest parking if you know exactly where you are going.

 

[KatzeK4]

It a wooded area that is about a 10 min walk from closest parking if you know exactly where you are going.

I see. If I were you, I would write a message that would automatically send at a certain time, maybe 1 - 2 hours after the attempt to either your family or emergency services.

 

[WordsAreHard]

I see. If I were you, I would write a message that would automatically send at a certain time, maybe 1 - 2 hours after the attempt to either your family or emergency services.

How do you do that? That would be very helpful.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

That's a tough one. I think no matter which way you decide to go, they'll still be traumatized from the fact that you're actually gone and there was nothing they could do about it. If the police find you first, does someone from your family have to go the morgue and identify you?

 

[WordsAreHard]

That's a tough one. I think no matter which way you decide to go, they'll still be traumatized from the fact that you're actually gone and there was nothing they could do about it. If the police find you first, does someone from your family have to go the morgue and identify you?

I'm not sure about the identity thing but I guess either way I'm sure family would see my body at some point. I know it will hurt them either way.

 

[KatzeK4]

How do you do that? That would be very helpful.

It honestly depends on what app you would like to use and what phone, if u want to share that I'll try to search up a good way / script

 

[WordsAreHard]

It honestly depends on what app you would like to use and what phone, if u want to share that I'll try to search up a good way / script

Thank you but I've been looking and think I've got it figured out. I appreciate the help.