Should I be the girl that jumped off the school's roof?

[Done_Surviving]

If I do, and hopefully actually succeed, then that would be it. My legacy, y reputation everything I've ever done in my life would be swiped away and replaced by the title of "the girl that jumped of the school's roof" a nameless ghost, a legend, a joke people will tell in halloween and will use ouija boards for cheap tricks and kicks. My parents will never be able to find peace with the legend hanging over their heads for decades to come, every time becoming more distorted to be scarier, dehumanizing and humiliating my memory. But then again, if I do it, if I do go on to be "the girl the jumped from the school's roof" the pain will end, and I would at least become somebody, finally, the place where I wasn't able to make any friends for 4 years will keep my memory alive constantly. I will become a living warning for the teachers that dismiss and ignore those like me, and my siblings who go to the same school, would finally have to keep me in mind instead of ignoring my exitance. Is it selfish? Is it desperate? Is it taky? Is it cringe? Is it just the antidepressants and the alcohol talking? Or am I just that stupid? It would be 5 story fall to solid concrete, if I manage to land head first I may be able to die instantly.

 

[SmollMushroom]

The answer you seek can only be found within yourself.
If you worry this much about your reputation tho, probably it's not a good time to ctb yet, that would be my take.
Maybe you need to think through it a bit more.

 

[Death is my goal]

i feel like you worry too much about other people

 

[ipmanwc0]

5 stories is not enough you want 150 feet

 

[Done_Surviving]

i feel like you worry too much about other people

Is the only reason why I'm still here

 

[Death is my goal]

Is the only reason why I'm still here

if you could change that it will help you

 

[Done_Surviving]

if you could change that it will help you

I know, but it's hard, I spend all my life seeking validation, and I don't want to disappoint anyone. Sometimes I feel that if I do ctb, no one would really be sad, they'll just be disappointed that I didn't end up where or how they wanted me to end up.

 

[epiousion]

5 stories is not enough you want 150 feet

The abstract of this scientific paper from 2018 cites a scientific paper from 1991 that I don't have the rights to.

Apparently, the 1991 paper says falls over 60ft "almost uniformly are lethal".

I'm also seeing online discourse from rock climbers and skydivers and such, who argue that velocity and impact surface are more important factors to consider than height.

 

[Done_Surviving]

The abstract of this scientific paper from 2018 cites a scientific paper from 1991 that I don't have the rights to.

Apparently, the 1991 paper says falls over 60ft "almost uniformly are lethal".

If I'm lucky I could manage to go a story higher, but I doubt the access to the roof isn't locked

 

[Death is my goal]

I know, but it's hard, I spend all my life seeking validation, and I don't want to disappoint anyone. Sometimes I feel that if I do ctb, no one would really be sad, they'll just be disappointed that I didn't end up where or how they wanted me to end up.

it's hard but not impossible, it's up to you whether you want to put the effort to improve or give up.
why are you seeking validation? why you don't want to disappoint anyone? it's your own life don't link it to other people. as long as you satisfied with yourself as a person what others think doesn't matter

 

[FilthyFlint]

A girl did ctb in the school I used to go to a few years back, I don't really know if this is an odd case but nobody really cares or remembers about her, certainly not to the degree at which you describe in the post. Nobody even remembers she used to exist, even her parents whom I meet on an almost daily basis no longer appear to be grieving her loss and seem completely "normal". I would really like to say that most probably none of what you mentioned would happen if you ctb, you would be forgotten among the abyss of all the many who leave this existence, maybe occasional mentions of your ctb would stay in the neighbourhood for a few decades but that would be it, nobody probably will care.

 

[Done_Surviving]

it's hard but not impossible, it's up to you whether you want to put the effort to improve or give up.
why are you seeking validation? why you don't want to disappoint anyone? it's your own life don't link it to other people. as long as you satisfied with yourself as a person what others think doesn't matter

Idk, it's like a deep rooted issue that I've been struggling since for ever. I would just compare myself to others, and try to please everyone around me, and try my best at everything constantly just to end up being "Not good enough", "mediocre" or "average". I always wanted to prove myself somehow, I always attended a lot of high academic demand schools, but I have autism and ADHD so I never managed to do something that was beyond average. No matter how hard I try it is never enough, that is part of the reasons I want to ctb. Sorry I'm just spilling out my fucking childhood trauma in here, and I just wanted to know if it would be okay to sort of drunkenly jump off a roof, lol.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

School?

How old are you?

 

[epiousion]

I understand the symbolic gesture of placing your body on the doorstep of those responsible. I'd like you to consider that you would traumatize whoever finds you, and that person is highly likely to be an innocent bystander who has nothing to do with the teachers that let you down. You would also harm, in decreasing order of how much I imagine you would care: The paramedics who come to pick up your body, whoever comes over to find out what's going on, and your family.

 

[Done_Surviving]

School?

How old are you?

college (21)

 

[ytaddict]

You will be forgotten, no doubt about it, the scenario you thought up is that of a movie

 

[HappyForever?]

Jumping from 5 stories is far from high enough. That said, there are two cases of successfully jumping from the 6th floor in my college, despite the height not being reliable enough either. From my experience, those who CTB on campus tend to be remembered quite fondly. It may seem that people will forget those who CTB, but it's simply because it's usually not an appropriate topic for conversation, so they are likely not brought up. However, you will not have too much impact on people. They will remember, but it's only a memory that have little effect on how they live their lives, unless you traumatize them with your body, or if they are someone close to you before your death.

 

[ipmanwc0]

The abstract of this scientific paper from 2018 cites a scientific paper from 1991 that I don't have the rights to.

Apparently, the 1991 paper says falls over 60ft "almost uniformly are lethal".

I'm also seeing online discourse from rock climbers and skydivers and such, who argue that velocity and impact surface are more important factors to consider than height.

I read that 1991 article and I don't see anywhere it says falls over 60ft are almost uniformly lethal. It does say that at 7 stories there is an abrupt increase in deaths. I attached it if you want to take a look. The 150 ft height comes from the book by Geo Stone, a trusted source on CTB. Whatever the case, every source agrees that 5 stories is likely to cripple instead of kill.

 

[sserafim]

I read that 1991 article and I don't see anywhere it says falls over 60ft are almost uniformly lethal. It does say that at 7 stories there is an abrupt increase in deaths. I attached it if you want to take a look. The 150 ft height comes from the book by Geo Stone, a trusted source on CTB. Whatever the case, every source agrees that 5 stories is likely to cripple instead of kill.

Yeah I heard you need at least 150 feet, but with jumping there are so many variables, like what you land on, how you fall, etc. Some people fall from much higher heights than the recommended minimum and still survive. I have access to a very high height (more than 50 stories/floors) but I'm scared to fail so I haven't done it yet…there are just so many factors involved in jumping, you always *could* survive

 

[ylenol]

If becoming a living warning to not dismiss the marginalized in your college is leaning the balance towards suicide, bringing you any comfort or makes you think you'll have a real impact you'd be mistaken, do not take this idea into consideration. Your teachers will all forget about you, won't feel an ounce of guilt after persuading themselves they couldn't have done anything nor had to, they aren't medical professionals and have too many students to be able develop any helpful relationship with them.
Maybe you should try for a bit more longer seeing how you think of your parents pain after you'd die. The cringe thing is the way you narrate your story as if you were romanticizing it but we blame the alcohol on that one.

 

[Foreverix]

However, you will not have too much impact on people.

The pun here was not lost on me. I'm sure it wasn't intended, and forgive me, but I found it darkly humorous.

@Done_Surviving I would hate for you to be the girl that jumped off the school's roof and lived. I can't imagine a more horrifying way to compound your problems.

 

[sserafim]

The pun here was not lost on me. I'm sure it wasn't intended, and forgive me, but I found it darkly humorous.

@Done_Surviving I would hate for you to be the girl that jumped off the school's roof and lived. I can't imagine a more horrifying way to compound your problems.

Yeah there's always a risk that you'd survive and end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. In that case it would've been better to have never even attempted in the first place…

 

[HighFlight]

@Done_Surviving - I'm so sorry that life has brought you to a point where you feel the need to have to make this decision. There's been a lot of technical information about the appropriate height and such. But before that, I have just a simply question:

Are you 100% sure?

I know its not easy to be the person in school feeling like they need to work harder just to be average. My time in school was very difficult with ADHD and PTSD from earlier traumatic experiences. I was always just an average student and constantly bullied. But school came to an end - I didn't (at least not at that time).

your opening post talks a lot about the two possible direction your reputation could take - a literally crossroads. One path (assuming it's successful) gives in infamy in the history of your school. But also comes with long term risks if its not successful. The other path gives you an opportunity to think about your options. To potentially help others like yourself find their way. And be that living warning to teachers and administrators that you cannot be ignored.

This decision is yours alone to make. And know that you have the support of this community in which ever path you choose. If you're not ready to make the decision today, that's OK too. Sometimes giving yourself the space to look at it objectively can help determine the best path.

But which ever decision you make, I wish that you can find the peace that you deserve.

 

[Done_Surviving]

I don't think I'll do it. At least not yet anyway, I was just thinking about it because it is pretty much the only "tall" building I have available. But I guess that I really need to plan this through, not just go "fuck it" and nose dive to concrete hoping for the best. I've been thinking that maybe I should give this life situation another go, I'm not angry at anyone, in fact I have had a lot of blessings in my life, and I feel like an ungratefully shit because despise the fact that pretty much everything was handed to me in a silver platter, I'm still here finding out how to end my life, being and feeling useless, and whatever thing I accomplish is never enough. I'm tiered of my mental state and I'm tired of my chronic illness, but I don't want to move on from the because it has become my comfort zone in a twisted way. I don't know anything that isn't self hatred and self rejection to the point that trying to be happy with myself feels unconfirmable, it feels fake, and I mean I know that I'm suppose to fake it till you make it, but it feels wrong. I want to try it though, maybe this time around it might actually work. But if it doesn't, or worse if I get another goddamn diagnosis (my psychiatrist told me that people on my stage of depression are on a slippery slope to schizophrenia, and apparently I might be developing tachycardia from my meds) That would be the sign I need, that would be God in all of his divine wisdom telling me "yeah you're just fucked, and you can try but I'll just fuck you harder, and not in the good way" and I would ctb with whatever method I come across first.

 

[cosifantutti]

It's unlikely the school roof is high enough. You'd probably end up injuring yourself.

 

[ButterToast]

If I do, and hopefully actually succeed, then that would be it. My legacy, y reputation everything I've ever done in my life would be swiped away and replaced by the title of "the girl that jumped of the school's roof" a nameless ghost, a legend, a joke people will tell in halloween and will use ouija boards for cheap tricks and kicks. My parents will never be able to find peace with the legend hanging over their heads for decades to come, every time becoming more distorted to be scarier, dehumanizing and humiliating my memory. But then again, if I do it, if I do go on to be "the girl the jumped from the school's roof" the pain will end, and I would at least become somebody, finally, the place where I wasn't able to make any friends for 4 years will keep my memory alive constantly. I will become a living warning for the teachers that dismiss and ignore those like me, and my siblings who go to the same school, would finally have to keep me in mind instead of ignoring my exitance. Is it selfish? Is it desperate? Is it taky? Is it cringe? Is it just the antidepressants and the alcohol talking? Or am I just that stupid? It would be 5 story fall to solid concrete, if I manage to land head first I may be able to die instantly.

Morally, no, you'd also traumatize other students who might be innocent. A possible solution is to make letters and make sure people will see it. One idea (there are others, but this one isn't too hard) is to set an email and a timer on when to send. You can write your letter here and CTB, when the time ends, it will send automated email to specified recipients. Be selective on what you write and to whom you sent it to. That can cause a lot of ruckus. The rumor is there, the 'legacy' is there, if you hate your parents and want to tarnish their reputation, check. Boom.