Should have CTB years ago.

[Anon1337]

Life just got worse over the years. It didn't get better, only worse. Everything about my life is worse. I have been suicidal every single day for years now. I did hold out hope that maybe life would change but it never did. Life won't change for the better. I don't like how society is and I never felt comfortable. Always struggled. I've been depressed ever since my childhood ended when I had to grow up. Life isn't for me. I can't change and the world can't change for me.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Same case for me. Been suicidal since I was 14/15; would've taken my head off at sixteen with a shotgun if my best friend at the time hadn't convinced me "things will get better". It was said with the best of intentions but it was a lie. I'm almost thirty now and things just got worse and worse over time since then. I wish I had CTB'd then, would've saved me a lot of suffering.

I'm sorry you share the feeling, Anon.

 

[divinemistress36]

Hope is the biggest tease. I feel the same way <3

 

[Hunter2005]

Yeah same I should've done it after I graduated after high school.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Life just got worse over the years. It didn't get better, only worse. Everything about my life is worse. I have been suicidal every single day for years now. I did hold out hope that maybe life would change but it never did. Life won't change for the better. I don't like how society is and I never felt comfortable. Always struggled. I've been depressed ever since my childhood ended when I had to grow up. Life isn't for me. I can't change and the world can't change for me.

We used to believe that there is no place for us in this world, now we feel like this world doesn't deserve to have us.

Sorry you're in so much pain. Be well on your journey.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I feel this very same way and that's going to change very soon.

 

[Vicolo cieco]

Emil Cioran wrote that it is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late. Maybe it's true. When we reach the point of wanting to kill ourselves, we have already experienced too much pointless suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly isn't for me as well and I understand that it's dreadful suffering in this existence but anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[tinydancer]

I've been suicidal since 2000, when I was a young teenager. I've attempted a good few times but failed obviously, I wish I'd ended it that day in 2000 or in 2005 , there are too specific dates in those years that sit in my mind where I remember sitting being right in the zone, ready to end things but didnt… fear mostly and not wanting to get in trouble if it went wrong.
I'm muhc worse off now and seen experienced many horrible things in the years since then , these extra 20/25 years have not been worth it, I'm ending it this year for definite, I just need to find the right method and right moment.

 

[Vesiira]

I couldn't relate more. The time I got the closest to CTBing was in 2020 (no surprise there). Even if good things have happened since then, the bad has outweighed the good. There are so many things I went through and mistakes I made that I would have been better off if it worked. Things that made me wish so badly that I followed through completely. I really wish I completed the job because staying alive is harder than people think. All the feelings we have to feel that we don't want to. I am sorry you are going through these feelings right now, but so many of us understand you and support you. You aren't alone, but sometimes that is hard to realize. Sending love. <3

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I feel you. I should've ctbed in late 2022 but chickened out. Then I was tricked by "it gets better". I guess I'll try one more time before I throw my life away, but the chances of having success and avoiding ctb are really small.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Not advocating anything, but I live with the motto "the mistakes of the past don't have to be the mistakes of the future".

 

[silence ends]

Same here.
First serious suicidal thoughts and attemps at age of 25.
Now, ten years later and last 2 years suicidal every single day i couldnt even imagine things and life can become so horrible as they are now.
During this 10 years period there was good times and got a bit better as human at some point but overall its gone worse and worse every year.
Im sure i will ctb this year succesfully but indeed i wish i had done it way earlier so i wouldnt have to see this madness i've become