shitty night anyone awake?

[ronnyriggs2]

anyone else awake? my mind has just been going over drive lately
theres so much stuff to do before you ctb - so many loose ends to tie up, pressure to end relationships on a good note so nobody is really that close to you etc. etc.
anyone else feel overwhelmed sometimes?
sometimes i wish i would have been a better person these last 21 years - i cant help but think my depression is karma or something? i dont fucking know anymore
hope everyones doing their best - dec/jan are shitty months too lol

 

[mathieu]

I'm awake but it's only 6.41pm here. I feel overwhelmed too. I don't think depression is karma. Just bad luck a lot of the time.

 

[Kirbster]

Its around 2 am where i am rn. It seems the closer i get to eternal slumber the more restless i become, haha. Dont be so hard on yourself, friend-- at the end of the day all you have is yourself. There has to be some merit in that, right? When i feel like you do, i try to just let go of my worries and accept things as they are. I still have loose ends to tie up myself though....so thats always stessful. I hope things works out for ya!

 

[randomz]

it's 9:50 AM here, so I just got to work and preparing for another stresfull and anxious day. Karma could be anything really, but yeah, there could be a lot of reasons one is depressed.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. Mrs.Insomnia is with me. 5 am where i am

 

[Peacefulness]

yeah its all really horrible. never felt so sad and bad. crazy how our lives can be like this.

 

[HereToday]

I'm sorry things are so overwhelming. I can relate. I still have so much to do and I'm not quite sure where to start. It's never too late to become a better person, it's only too late when you're dead. So if that's something that weighs on your conscience, which it seems to, then go out and do some good deeds with the time you have left

 

[randomz]

I'm sorry things are so overwhelming. I can relate. I still have so much to do and I'm not quite sure where to start. It's never too late to become a better person, it's only too late when you're dead. So if that's something that weighs on your conscience, which it seems to, then go out and do some good deeds with the time you have left

This. Even if you think karma is the reason for your depression, karma can be "fixed"by doing good deeds.

 

[ronnyriggs2]

"if a saint can have a past a sinner can have a future" i saw that written on a building on my way home
- toronto canada

 

[Peacefulness]

your right but those good deeds your referring to can be accomplished by healthy folks not the dying i think. Threw my actions and my current situation, this body and mind have had enough I think. And it wants to finally rest I feel. just gotta let it find peace

 

[HereToday]

your right but those good deeds your referring to can be accomplished by healthy folks not the dying i think. Threw my actions and my current situation, this body and mind have had enough I think. And it wants to finally rest I feel. just gotta let it find peace

Sorry but I think that's an excuse. You don't have to be healthy to do good deeds. A good deed doesn't have to be a grand gesture, just something- anything- you do with the intention of helping others. Unless you're literally on your death bed, you still have time to become a better person. But as you say your body and mind has had enough and you simply want to 'rest' now, it seems that becoming a better person doesn't weigh on your conscience as it does for OP so maybe this won't apply to you and that's fine

 

[Peacefulness]

your probably right and being a good person has always been an noble act I believed in but maybe that belief has led me right here. that belief probably caused this sadness and hate without realising

 

[Thinker]

I respect the fact that you're trying to tie loose ends, very noble of you

I envy your ignorance

 

[HereToday]

your probably right and being a good person has always been an noble act I believed in but maybe that belief has led me right here. that belief probably caused this sadness and hate without realising

I can completely relate to that... I always lived a selfless life and put everyone else before me. I tried so hard to be a kind, loving, generous and just overall good person. It only got me used and abused. This world chew me up and spit me out. But at least I can die with a clear conscience knowing I tried my best, and be at peace with the person I am

 

[ronnyriggs2]

i have this huge paranoia too lately like what are people gonna say and think when the news gets out
i feel like so many people who claimed to be my "friends" but clearly weren't are gonna come out of the wood work and show fake remorse and try to speak on my life and shit "oh we could have helped him" etc.
this makes me wanna NOT meet up with a lotttttttt of people before i ctb - because i dont want anyone walking around with that sense of entitlement. Its crazy how people can use your shitty mental health/depression as something to make themselves look better but whatever
thanks for all the love everyone! new to this site and i already feel at home lmfao

 

[Schadenfreude]

I'm currently overwhelmed w/ shallow thoughts of self-indulgence w/ carnal desires at the moment since my time will be coming to an end soon and I want to enjoy what little there is left.

I respect the fact that you're trying to tie loose ends, very noble of you

I envy your ignorance

Ignorance?? Bro, you're being very condescending lol
How is the OP in any way 'ignorant'?

 

[voyager]

No, I don't think depression is karma, nor that one should punish oneself with these thoughts looking for meaning. There isn't any and this illness is punishemnet enough. I do agree that depression makes one more aware of past mistakes and supposed misdeeds, but it's not like the movies where this realisation then leads to some revelation and attonement followed by a happy end. Regrets are hindsight, things one has no control over in the flow of time, imho.

 

[jgm63]

I respect the fact that you're trying to tie loose ends, very noble of you

I envy your ignorance

Can you clarify "I envy your ignorance" ?
That statement sounds a little condescending...

 

[damned]

anyone else awake? my mind has just been going over drive lately
theres so much stuff to do before you ctb - so many loose ends to tie up, pressure to end relationships on a good note so nobody is really that close to you etc. etc.
anyone else feel overwhelmed sometimes?
sometimes i wish i would have been a better person these last 21 years - i cant help but think my depression is karma or something? i dont fucking know anymore
hope everyones doing their best - dec/jan are shitty months too lol

karma?
some poeple say don'T do to other what you don't want other do to you
but there another saying, ; to get what you give
but if you just be you, youi will not face poeple like you, you will get the contrairy of what you are
so, is this a karma crap?
as far i have understand just in the begining of tonght, time habe to change
..........
old story may take place to new rules pass 6000 years yet