She's Back And Worse Then Ever

[Mi Mi]

I was here about a year ago.

I lost my job and that for me was a sign it was time.

I had a plan but many people on this forum told me not to do it..said it was a bad idea.

I see many of those users are still here.

But I had a plan and was determined to see it through. I was terrified. But I stopped paying on any e bills. I packed many items in my apartment to help make it easier for my mom. I posted a good bye video on YouTube. Crazy how that video had the most views ever.

It was Christmas day I think. I went to visit with my family. Whole time I'm thinking they have no idea this would be what I thought was the last time they would see me alive.

I went home and poured antifreeze into a cup of ginger ail.

I drank as much as I could. It wasn't horrible buy it wasn't sweet and it was an odd taste. After I tried to swig one more gulp I couldn't because I gagged.

I quickly took the bottle and threw it out to leave no evidence and went to bed.

I slept off and on that night. To my surprise I only had 2 symptoms.
Dizziness when standing
Urinating often but not much output.

I basically lasted a whole night and into the afternoon.

No pain..no vomiting...nausea.
I panicked so like an idiot I called my ex husband and he called my sister.

My sister came and we sat on the couch and she asked me what I've done and why.

I told her and she begged me to go to the hospital. She begged for at least another 30 minutes. I gave in and went.

The ER was so full and my sister didn't tell them what I drank she just said poison. They told us we had to wait.

Honestly I didn't mind and stalled thinking maybe I'll wait so long that I die.

Still no pain..nausea subsided...not too dizzy...still able to function.

My mom got there and rushed her way in to say what I done and immediately they took me in.

Once everything was done you know what happened after that right?

Off to the physch ward.

That day has definitely changed my life..my perspective.

I have this deeper understanding now that I didn't have before.

And honestly it sucks because I have more questions than ever.
More doubt than ever.
Anger and hate that were never here before but now are extremely intense.

A constant fear that eats at me.

I cry easily 2 to 3 times a day and I have moments where I can't cry.
I just sit and stare.

I have no problem saying when I'm wrong and I was wrong. I should of listened to the users here. I was so convinced my plan would work because I did research for years.
And had I not switched on myself it may have but I didn't have the patience and balls to wait it out.

I was proud I did it cs it's definitely scary.
I'm upset I failed.
But if you think that's something you want to try at least you can take my experience and do with it what you will.
Unless you're will to risk the damages and 3 days for death...I do not recommend.

 

[UKscotty]

You made an attempt, that's more than most people. Also not the first or last person to use an unproven method.

Don't beat yourself up, we are all unsure until the very end.

Contacting people for help was the right call in my view. Best not to risk some agonising poison for days curled up.

Like you say, you now have a deeper understanding, that's worth a lot.

Good luck in the future.

 

[Goku Black]

I still remember your goodbye thread like yesterday and I'm so sorry things have been difficult since then, all the anger and hate as such and I implore you to not beat yourself up over this, you've been through enough and deserve all the support you need.

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

I was here about a year ago.

I lost my job and that for me was a sign it was time.

I had a plan but many people on this forum told me not to do it..said it was a bad idea.

I see many of those users are still here.

But I had a plan and was determined to see it through. I was terrified. But I stopped paying on any e bills. I packed many items in my apartment to help make it easier for my mom. I posted a good bye video on YouTube. Crazy how that video had the most views ever.

It was Christmas day I think. I went to visit with my family. Whole time I'm thinking they have no idea this would be what I thought was the last time they would see me alive.

I went home and poured antifreeze into a cup of ginger ail.

I drank as much as I could. It wasn't horrible buy it wasn't sweet and it was an odd taste. After I tried to swig one more gulp I couldn't because I gagged.

I quickly took the bottle and threw it out to leave no evidence and went to bed.

I slept off and on that night. To my surprise I only had 2 symptoms.
Dizziness when standing
Urinating often but not much output.

I basically lasted a whole night and into the afternoon.

No pain..no vomiting...nausea.
I panicked so like an idiot I called my ex husband and he called my sister.

My sister came and we sat on the couch and she asked me what I've done and why.

I told her and she begged me to go to the hospital. She begged for at least another 30 minutes. I gave in and went.

The ER was so full and my sister didn't tell them what I drank she just said poison. They told us we had to wait.

Honestly I didn't mind and stalled thinking maybe I'll wait so long that I die.

Still no pain..nausea subsided...not too dizzy...still able to function.

My mom got there and rushed her way in to say what I done and immediately they took me in.

Once everything was done you know what happened after that right?

Off to the physch ward.

That day has definitely changed my life..my perspective.

I have this deeper understanding now that I didn't have before.

And honestly it sucks because I have more questions than ever.
More doubt than ever.
Anger and hate that were never here before but now are extremely intense.

A constant fear that eats at me.

I cry easily 2 to 3 times a day and I have moments where I can't cry.
I just sit and stare.

I have no problem saying when I'm wrong and I was wrong. I should of listened to the users here. I was so convinced my plan would work because I did research for years.
And had I not switched on myself it may have but I didn't have the patience and balls to wait it out.

I was proud I did it cs it's definitely scary.
I'm upset I failed.
But if you think that's something you want to try at least you can take my experience and do with it what you will.
Unless you're will to risk the damages and 3 days for death...I do not recommend.

Oh god yeah I remember you and I watched your video (we don't get to see what many users on here look like let alone see a video of them). I think I figured you was dead and despite psychiatric incarceration I'm glad you're okay (well physically anyway). You were definitely brave doing what you did, of misguided. Did your stay at the psych ward convert you to pro-life or do you still plan on researching new methods? What was your old username again btw?

 

[rozeske]

Hi mimi, I still remember your last thread like it was yesterday. Your username noonelovesmimi kind of stuck in me with your pp in white. I loved following your journey on youtube but my own disaster kind of pulled me back recently. I hate that you are back but also happy to see you

 

[Olisop21.]

I wish I could just do it now. I'm a loser to the max

 

[theboy]

Interesting story. I hope you are better now and can come out of your torment.

 

[Mi Mi]

You made an attempt, that's more than most people. Also not the first or last person to use an unproven method.

Don't beat yourself up, we are all unsure until the very end.

Contacting people for help was the right call in my view. Best not to risk some agonising poison for days curled up.

Like you say, you now have a deeper understanding, that's worth a lot.

Good luck in the future.

Wow
Thankyou
I need to remind myself not to beat myself up
Thankyou

Interesting story. I hope you are better now and can come out of your torment.

Unfortunately no
I'm still in pursuit of freedom
But everyday is more torture for me
But I appreciate your kindness

I wish I could just do it now. I'm a loser to the max

I understand completely. Everyday I wanna try again but the fear of failure is overwhelming.

Hi mimi, I still remember your last thread like it was yesterday. Your username noonelovesmimi kind of stuck in me with your pp in white. I loved following your journey on youtube but my own disaster kind of pulled me back recently. I hate that you are back but also happy to see you

Being remembered always shocks me.
Yes it's still noonelovesmimi
I hate that I'm back but maybe this time will be the last

Oh god yeah I remember you and I watched your video (we don't get to see what many users on here look like let alone see a video of them). I think I figured you was dead and despite psychiatric incarceration I'm glad you're okay (well physically anyway). You were definitely brave doing what you did, of misguided. Did your stay at the psych ward convert you to pro-life or do you still plan on researching new methods? What was your old username again btw?

No way I'll ever be pro life.
I don't really understand them.
My time in the ward made me understand that mental health really doesn't matter. Especially if you're black. I'll explain more in a post but I definitely will pursue my freedom.

I still remember your goodbye thread like yesterday and I'm so sorry things have been difficult since then, all the anger and hate as such and I implore you to not beat yourself up over this, you've been through enough and deserve all the support you need.

Oh my god
Thankyou

 

[Raven2]

Sorry your back mimi, I remember you from before and your YouTube vid. I cant believe that a year has gone by already. I hope you find some form of comfort being back on the site.

 

[Mi Mi]

Sorry your back mimi, I remember you from before and your YouTube vid. I cant believe that a year has gone by already. I hope you find some form of comfort being back on the site.

Yeah
It's amazing and scary how fast time goes and then certain times it drags on forever.

 

[restless.dreams]

Nice to meet you Mimi! I wish it was under better circumstances <3

 

[Mi Mi]

Nice to meet you Mimi! I wish it was under better circumstances <3

Same