She left me and said awful awful things to me

[😞 🔫]

I've spent the last month and a half begging for her to stay but she has left me now after 6.5 years together. We are each others firsts and I fucked it up so badly. I wish I could go back in time 2 months and my life would still be livable. Now it is absolutely destroyed. Shes everything I have and I always knew I would off myself when she left.

I am going to slit my throat and jump from a high place nearby to make sure I dont survive, at some point in the next few days. I can't believe this is actually happening I am fucking terrified. I fucking needed her. Anything else I care about is worthless if I dont have her. She essentially told me how much she hates me and is desperate to get away from me as soon as possible.

 

[passer-by]

In the end it's not as personal as it feels. People both get together and break up purely out of their own self interest. Every relationship is a mere transaction.
That being said, I know how real the pain feels. It's one of my ctb reasons as well, or more a realisation that came out of it.
I wish you find some relief, in whichever form you seek for it.

 

[CatLvr]

As someone who is old enough to have been through more than one break-up (one relationship lasted 13 years and another -- the one I am currently in that has fallen completely apart -- 25 years) while it feels like the end of the world, it is not. The fact that she felt she had to hurt you so much with her words as she was leaving tells me she is not worth you giving her a second thought. Easier said than done, I know.

Give yourself a time to grieve what is now gone and then give yourself permission to move on. This may take a while. Be gentle with yourself. Just take one day at a time. One hour, one minute, if you must, but please know we are here for you to vent as much as you need.

 

[greebo6]

People can say and do things (even the most terrible things ) they don't actually mean , not deep down , when they are angry and hurting. Could be the case here to at least some degree.
But you cant force someone to be with someone if they don't really want to. To stay when that is the case causes even more pain eventually.
It doesn't help right now I know but the only thing that heals a broken heart is time.
But try to remember the first couple of lines...she probably doesn't actually hate you and also its not your fault its ended. Its just relationships ..they are like that.

 

[golddustwoman]

this is what i've been going through too. relationships are never worth the effort, especially involving people as broken as us. it's not your fault and i'm so sorry this happened to you, it sounds like it was your worst nightmare. it certainly was mine too, after 5 years i too wish i could just rewind the clock and fix it all before it was destroyed.

i can't tell you that it'll be okay because personally i don't know. but i will tell you that you're not alone and that you did a good thing posting here. knowing others are going through the same pain i am is ironically comforting, it helps me feel less lonely. i hope that knowledge helps you too. you have a right to feel depressed right now and i hope peace finds you in whatever form is meant for you, as you deserve it. nobody should have to go through this kind of suffering.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Don't take it personnaly.
In my case I'm angry with my mother but in the end she's the only one person who ever helped me. But it's different from as I see now. But it's not the truth. I use my last force to take her away from my mind. I know it's bad bc she will think about our last conversations when I'll be dead.

 

[😞 🔫]

thank you for the replies everyone. I dont truly know anyone apart from her. I have been begging and begging and begging for these last few days but she will not budge and it is the worst thing Ive ever felt. It's all my fault. its all my fucking fault I ruined my life so quickly and so easily. All I had to do was treat her differently 2 months ago and it wouldnt have escalated into what is currently happening. I want to be able to turn back time but I cant. I cant stop fucking crying I love her and I fucking need her. I think thursday is probably the day. I have booked time off work and I will do it then.

I wish I ordered some SN earlier so i could use that as I am so fucking scared of jumping but I dont really have any other options. Any alternative suggestions for huge pussies like me are extremely welcome.

or if theres anywhere I can get SN fast in the uk please can someone let me know

 

[Wkoncuodejde]

I am in a similar situation only that I screwed up not the first time, but hopefully the last time in my life, take care

 

[cotton]

Christ... Give her a few days... See her
..big gesture...

It's been a matter of hours... Saying to be patient with yourself might destroy a chance to fix sh*t