Venting "she has ugly legs. She should cover them up"

[Life_and_Death]

He is so fucking judgmental. I hate saying/doing certain things around him because of it. Said directly to someone or not how can he not see that his words hurt. I know I don't say anything but maybe that's because it scares me to.

Another time he said that people that can't have just one is weak (basically and in reference to a recovery alcoholic) I'm addicted to shit!!! Am I weak!? What kind of fucking husband calls his wife weak even indirectly. I wish he'd fuck off. I have to listen to this bs almost everyday and I'm so tired of it.

 

[plough22]

That is very tough, no partner in their life should be put down. It hits your self esteem. Keep strong as best and sending you good wishes

 

[Life_and_Death]

That is very tough, no partner in their life should be put down. It hits your self esteem. Keep strong as best and sending you good wishes

It hurts my brain trying to put up with it. He's trying to get better but growing up in a different time to deal with me he basically has to change everything about himself and I don't want anyone to change themselves for me. I'm the problem. I'm the one with disorders (not this specific thing just everything in general). He said "it's fine and maybe it's for the best" but I don't want to harp on it because that just makes me feel worse as well.... I can't win... I can never win.

 

[LunarPyotr]

In my opinion it's not okay to say such things.
Maybe that's because I have something that some of my school friends called "high acceptance" but it's not okay to just say such things to person who you like/love and that person supposes to be more supportive than abusive. What does he expect? Will his mean words make you stop this crap? Nope, it will even drive you even further into this rabbit hole :/

It's kinda like my mother acted when I was still lived at my parents house.
She said that I was fat and what happened? I developed an eating disorder and one day when I was driving to school, I lost consciousness while I was driving with my tractor to school and I drove into a house from an old lady and I felt so bad for her and I got blamed by my parents for "falling asleep while driving" while driving to school. I basically felt so bad that I drove her to the city that was 10km away from our village and collected old soda cans which I sold at junk yard, because my fucking parents didn't want to pay for the constuction workers who fixed that old lady's house

 

[Life_and_Death]

In my opinion it's not okay to say such things.
Maybe that's because I have something that some of my school friends called "high acceptance" but it's not okay to just say such things to person who you like/love and that person supposes to be more supportive than abusive. What does he expect? Will his mean words make you stop this crap? Nope, it will even drive you even further into this rabbit hole :/

Sorry if it wasn't clear enough. He didn't/wouldnt say mean things directly to me. It's things he says about others. I just take them personally because they are problems I have myself. It kind of leaves me wondering, if I wasn't his wife would he be making comments about me?

At first I was slightly annoyed. "someone else misunderstood, again. Big surprise there" but instead of getting upset I decided to explain it and I only mention my annoyance because I wanted to thank you for getting me to explain it. Maybe by explaining it the way I did to you maybe he will understand why mean comments hurt even when he doesnt realize or mean for them to. So thank you.

 

[LunarPyotr]

@Life_and_Death Ah, I see. Now I understand.



You could actually somewhat ignore if someone misunderstands you.
It's not your fault, it's more that persons fault. For example in my case, it was more caused to the fact that English is not my primary language and there are probably other people who have similar problems or didn't had English lessons at school like I did

 

[Symbiote]

Any person that judges or criticizes another person without knowing them or make snide remarks about their looks or personality is not a person I would associate with. Doesn't matter how old they are. Guy sounds immature and needs to grow up a bit. It's a red flag if a person I was out on date with dotes on me, but put downs the waiter and insults them all night. Those comments can reflect back on you because it hurts, if he has the propensity to say it to perfect strangers, then he can say it to you one day. If I were in your shoes, I would take him aside and ask him why he's an asshole. But that's just me.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[Worndown]

To steal a line from an Indiana Jones movie, you choose poorly. Get a new one!

 

[Life_and_Death]

@Life_and_Death Ah, I see. Now I understand.



You could actually somewhat ignore if someone misunderstands you.
It's not your fault, it's more that persons fault. For example in my case, it was more caused to the fact that English is not my primary language and there are probably other people who have similar problems or didn't had English lessons at school like I did

I typically do ignore it, it just gets to be a bit much when it's all the time
@Symbiote (not so much you) @Worndown

although nothing mean was said by either of you, a judgement of a stranger was still made and when it comes to my loved ones (people you know less about) I don't like that. We have tried to talk about it in the past and like I already said

He's trying to get better but growing up in a different time to deal with me he basically has to change everything about himself.....

While yes it does hurt me, he's trying to get better. He explained to me that anyone else he hung out with never stopped it and laughed at it as well. He was taught by social behavior that this is ok and I am the first and only one to try and change it after a lot of years. It's like an addiction, it's not going to go away over night.

So while I understand where you are both coming from, I ask you to not judge a stranger.