I feel like I'm fucked in SOOO many ways. Like not only I'm a tranny. A ugly one at that. I mean if I was atleast fucking pretty no??? If I'm so stupid??? Bexase of fucking course I'm stupid as fuck I'm studying CS rn and I hate it sm. I fuxked up yet another exam and I hate myself so much for it. I can't learn as well as I could because I'm so fucking depressed. I don't even have the energy to try. anything. I mean if I wasn't depressed I'd maybe could get pretty. I don't even have the energy to do that. I just don't care about myself at all . I wish I was atleast smart If I'm so ugly. But nooo. I gotta be stupid as well. To add to this shit I also have BPD, probably OCD and DX'd ADHD. So parents have stopped caring about anything lately and let me just be , because they know I'm fundamentally useless. It's the only gift I'd want to give them is to finally be freed of the burden that I am
I had a "good" childhood why am I so fucked up? I mean i don't even remember rly much of it and my parents never supported me being queer or anything. Which i hate so much. Like if I had supportive parents at least. They keep calling me how did the exam go as if it's a some fuckjng game to them to silently laugh at me for how fucking stupid I am. Of course they don't show that but I think they rly do that.
I don't even have it that bad. Other people have it much worse. Like people who lost a lot of money. Even my non suicidal friends agree that they'd kill themselves over 16000€ lost if they'd lose that kind of money. So my situation is not that bad compared to other people. Bcuz idk but it is fixable !!! Somehow?!!! But being a ugly fucking tranny ?? i just hate it so much. There's no fucking hope.
Only thing I rly liked in this life was this thing I'm studying. And I'm not even good at it. I don't even like anything else. Or nothing I'd be good at . I play the guitar but I'm shit at it. I don't want to be a leech to society. I fucking have to ctb. I'm just a stupid fucking ugly tranny. Probably the worst combo. And it's not like I need to be smart in life. I guess i need to but. And people date even other ugly people. But I'm fundamentally undatable. I scare away everyone because i keep venting and saying shit to them and they decide to leave me .
There's only one friend that still is my friend for some weird fucking reason ??? I don't understand her at all. I wouldn't want to be friends w myself. We text each other a lot and even when I vent like this to her she isn't mad. Like wtf???? I don't get her at all. But she is so fucking sweet. She said that she'd put flowers on my grave if I ctb'd. I think she'll be sad but everyone will get over it. And be happier afterwards. A lot happier . I m just such a fuxking burden in everyone's lives anyway
Only thing that comforts me is this forum. And reading how to ctb. I like having an option to just fucking exit.
I had a "good" childhood why am I so fucked up? I mean i don't even remember rly much of it and my parents never supported me being queer or anything. Which i hate so much. Like if I had supportive parents at least. They keep calling me how did the exam go as if it's a some fuckjng game to them to silently laugh at me for how fucking stupid I am. Of course they don't show that but I think they rly do that.
I don't even have it that bad. Other people have it much worse. Like people who lost a lot of money. Even my non suicidal friends agree that they'd kill themselves over 16000€ lost if they'd lose that kind of money. So my situation is not that bad compared to other people. Bcuz idk but it is fixable !!! Somehow?!!! But being a ugly fucking tranny ?? i just hate it so much. There's no fucking hope.
Only thing I rly liked in this life was this thing I'm studying. And I'm not even good at it. I don't even like anything else. Or nothing I'd be good at . I play the guitar but I'm shit at it. I don't want to be a leech to society. I fucking have to ctb. I'm just a stupid fucking ugly tranny. Probably the worst combo. And it's not like I need to be smart in life. I guess i need to but. And people date even other ugly people. But I'm fundamentally undatable. I scare away everyone because i keep venting and saying shit to them and they decide to leave me .
There's only one friend that still is my friend for some weird fucking reason ??? I don't understand her at all. I wouldn't want to be friends w myself. We text each other a lot and even when I vent like this to her she isn't mad. Like wtf???? I don't get her at all. But she is so fucking sweet. She said that she'd put flowers on my grave if I ctb'd. I think she'll be sad but everyone will get over it. And be happier afterwards. A lot happier . I m just such a fuxking burden in everyone's lives anyway
Only thing that comforts me is this forum. And reading how to ctb. I like having an option to just fucking exit.
