Venting she chose dick over me (again)

[fruitvampire]

I have a best friend. She's one of the few people I can feel at ease with. I love her so much, and she barely remembers I exist. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she ditched me because "she is sick". She's not sick, she (haven forgotten she lied to me) asked me what to wear to some retarded party, so she can get the attention of some guy she wants to hook up with. She didn't even invite me to the party (why would she?). It's friends days, everyone I know went out with friends, and I didn't even get a "happy day" from anyone because I don't fucking have friends. She ditched me on my birthday, and now this? I'd ask when is she going to ever make it up to me, but I know the answer: the next time she needs to vent about her stupid boyfriend, who I don't give a shit about.
That's her, y'know, she's only a good friend when she's not obsessed over some random guy. The second a man appears, I'm invisible. She didn't care that I saw my rapist the last time we went out, something that stressed me out so badly I threw up, she still left me alone in the bathroom crying, so she could go make out with this random dude. And the funniest thing is: he didn't even love her, she thought he was the love of her life, but he ditched her the second he could and admitted to only using her. But I do lover her. I wish she could see that. I wish she could put me first. I'm the one who bakes cookies for her, the one who takes cute selfies for her Instagram, the one who listen to her cry and rubs her back to sleep. Why can't she love me the same? I feel like I just got dumped. I'm so heartbroken, I want to die.

 

[CC123]

she uses people
you are just a pawn, as are other people
totally expendable
you are better off without her

 

[saddestbunny]

if people can't use you for something they don't want to talk to you or be your friend

 

[CC123]

"friend"

 

[no.hope]

I have a best friend. She's one of the few people I can feel at ease with. I love her so much, and she barely remembers I exist. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she ditched me because "she is sick". She's not sick, she (haven forgotten she lied to me) asked me what to wear to some retarded party, so she can get the attention of some guy she wants to hook up with. She didn't even invite me to the party (why would she?). It's friends days, everyone I know went out with friends, and I didn't even get a "happy day" from anyone because I don't fucking have friends. She ditched me on my birthday, and now this? I'd ask when is she going to ever make it up to me, but I know the answer: the next time she needs to vent about her stupid boyfriend, who I don't give a shit about.
That's her, y'know, she's only a good friend when she's not obsessed over some random guy. The second a man appears, I'm invisible. She didn't care that I saw my rapist the last time we went out, something that stressed me out so badly I threw up, she still left me alone in the bathroom crying, so she could go make out with this random dude. And the funniest thing is: he didn't even love her, she thought he was the love of her life, but he ditched her the second he could and admitted to only using her. But I do lover her. I wish she could see that. I wish she could put me first. I'm the one who bakes cookies for her, the one who takes cute selfies for her Instagram, the one who listen to her cry and rubs her back to sleep. Why can't she love me the same? I feel like I just got dumped. I'm so heartbroken, I want to die.

not sure how much of a friend she is. sounds like a pathetic person rather be alone than be her friend

 

[ApparentlyNot]

Well we all know why she's terrible, so what is keeping you there? Where is the love you have for her coming from? Is it that you really value her? Or is it that you rely on her and fear abandonment? If you had a real friend that actually cared about you, would you still be holding onto her so tightly?

 

[figure8]

Sounds like she's not worthy of anyone's love. I know it's hard, and you probably didn't just choose to love her, but it would be the best if you tried to cut off contact with her and forget about it all. Sometimes it's better to be alone. What's the point in staying with someone who does nothing besides inflicting mental pain on you?
You might think there are still reasons to love her. Maybe she used to be different, and that's why you got so attached to her. But she either changed, or revealed her flaws to you. If she treated you like this to begin with, then I don't know what to tell you.
This could be obvious, but have you tried talking to her about this? People often forget something they should do first things first.

 

[Idkwhatonamemyself]

God. The world would be so much better if people had friends like you, fruitvampire. She doesn't deserve you, and you are better off without her.

Though I was in a similar situation and I know this sounds pathetic but next time she comes to you just say how she is making you feel and that a friendship going both ways.

 

[fruitvampire]

Well we all know why she's terrible, so what is keeping you there? Where is the love you have for her coming from? Is it that you really value her? Or is it that you rely on her and fear abandonment? If you had a real friend that actually cared about you, would you still be holding onto her so tightly?

I think I'm too scared of being alone. You're correct.

Sounds like she's not worthy of anyone's love. I know it's hard, and you probably didn't just choose to love her, but it would be the best if you tried to cut off contact with her and forget about it all. Sometimes it's better to be alone. What's the point in staying with someone who does nothing besides inflicting mental pain on you?
You might think there are still reasons to love her. Maybe she used to be different, and that's why you got so attached to her. But she either changed, or revealed her flaws to you. If she treated you like this to begin with, then I don't know what to tell you.
This could be obvious, but have you tried talking to her about this? People often forget something they should do first things first.

I tried to beg for her friendship, her time. It's in vain. I think she changed in the past months. We used to he inseparable.

God. The world would be so much better if people had friends like you, fruitvampire. She doesn't deserve you, and you are better off without her.

Though I was in a similar situation and I know this sounds pathetic but next time she comes to you just say how she is making you feel and that a friendship going both ways.

Thank you

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Humans are hard-wired to be attracted to someone, and want relationships with someone. The only people who really understand what we are going through are other people who want to CTB, otherwise they will view us as weird outsiders or nuisances. This is why I love this forum.

 

[ever so lonely]

again you say ?!, damn, unless you wanna be a glutton for punishment eliminate this bitch from your person asap op, how many side men she got in tow, is this the only fool your aware of ?, i think what most women fail to realise fella when men lavish them with attention and often dare i say it gifts, is that for the most part, men just want to fuck them quick time and then discard them just as quickly, viewing it as a type of conquest, they can gloat to eachother yh i had her, she was easy etc, you hear this shit so much, well i hear this type of thing a lot amongst dudes, when i was in the work environment, i often used to think that if ladies knew what men say in blokey type work environments they would be severely shocked, most men just want to pump and dump, fuck them silly too, obv not us, i mean in my case i am far too anxious, well kinda lol, but yh most women fail to see this, most men are out for what they can get, to get there needs met, this chick sounds horrendous, and your better off fucking her off out of it on a very permanent basis op, she clearly holds no respect for you, so do her a kind deed and promptly remove her from your life, trust me my man she wasnt thinking of you when she was playing hide the salami by the sounds of it with this next man, people are truly terrible, well most of em anyways, i hope you can do better for yourself and remember my friend, just because she doesnt reciprocate and feel the way about you the way you do about her, doesnt mean the next lady to rock up into your life wont, looks are subjective friend, just because she doesnt like you and that seems clear here, the next lady just well might, and there is always a next lady, dont fret or worry about her, she sounds a toxic venemous lump of s*%#, best avoided, take care of your self and your own mental well being, take pride in you, practice decent self care, dress well, and the rest will click into place, but seriously fuck this woman, not in a literal sense of course, lol, sounds like shes doing plenty of that by herself, eliminate those who try to play with you, and your emotions, kind regards, no ifs buts maybes about it, take care, terry

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello @fruitvampire,

First of all, thanks so much for opening up

I'm a bit late, and I'm so sorry to hear what you've endured. I could crucify your friend here, but I wouldn't because I guess she's still important to you.

Do you feel like you have no friends?
You could focus on something else if you were enthusiastic about something (studying, hobbies etc.) but you said you can't "read more than a few paragraphs without getting a headache" in an another thread, so having a loving friend is even more important to you.

I guess online friends can't substitute your IRL friend.
Sometimes we have no words to solace each other, but IRL friends could hug you, or just be by your side. So you still can feel lonely even if you have online friends.

God. The world would be so much better if people had friends like you, fruitvampire. She doesn't deserve you, and you are better off without her.

I agree with @Idkwhatonamemyself, and your friend seems to be taking advantage of you because you are really caring. I wish I could be a friend with a person like you IRL.

You are afraid of ending up disabled (as you wrote in another thread) when you attempt, so you might be feeling like you're trapped on this cruel world.
Sorry, I couldn't come up with any useful advice or words that ease your torment, but thanks for reading, and I hope your days will be a bit less unbearable

Love,
LoiteringClouds

 

[hellispink]

Seems to me like you are codependent. What she does controls your emotions to the point of wanting to die. If she cares if she doesn't everything revolves if she appreciates you or not. That is a shitty hole i know because i lived it. But you need to accept she has other priorities. You cannot force her to care. There is people that will only use you. And she seems to be one of those maybe. Its one responsibility to decide who we stay close to and who we walk away from. If you keep being there it will continue happening. You invest too much into this relationship given that its your only one (that you said you didn't have more friends). But doesn't seem healthy to me from both ends. But after all only you know your life and what decisions will work or not

 

[brokeandbroken]

I have a best friend. She's one of the few people I can feel at ease with. I love her so much, and she barely remembers I exist. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she ditched me because "she is sick". She's not sick, she (haven forgotten she lied to me) asked me what to wear to some retarded party, so she can get the attention of some guy she wants to hook up with. She didn't even invite me to the party (why would she?). It's friends days, everyone I know went out with friends, and I didn't even get a "happy day" from anyone because I don't fucking have friends. She ditched me on my birthday, and now this? I'd ask when is she going to ever make it up to me, but I know the answer: the next time she needs to vent about her stupid boyfriend, who I don't give a shit about.
That's her, y'know, she's only a good friend when she's not obsessed over some random guy. The second a man appears, I'm invisible. She didn't care that I saw my rapist the last time we went out, something that stressed me out so badly I threw up, she still left me alone in the bathroom crying, so she could go make out with this random dude. And the funniest thing is: he didn't even love her, she thought he was the love of her life, but he ditched her the second he could and admitted to only using her. But I do lover her. I wish she could see that. I wish she could put me first. I'm the one who bakes cookies for her, the one who takes cute selfies for her Instagram, the one who listen to her cry and rubs her back to sleep. Why can't she love me the same? I feel like I just got dumped. I'm so heartbroken, I want to die.

First of all I'm tremendously sorry that sounds horrendous and a lot to go through. Second, pull away. Don't end the relationship but stop investing in it. Maybe if you pull away she'll come back and ask why. Or she'll drop you and you'll know the relationship was one sided.

Use that time to find someone else.

 

[fruitvampire]

Hello @fruitvampire,

First of all, thanks so much for opening up

I'm a bit late, and I'm so sorry to hear what you've endured. I could crucify your friend here, but I wouldn't because I guess she's still important to you.

Do you feel like you have no friends?
You could focus on something else if you were enthusiastic about something (studying, hobbies etc.) but you said you can't "read more than a few paragraphs without getting a headache" in an another thread, so having a loving friend is even more important to you.

I guess online friends can't substitute your IRL friend.
Sometimes we have no words to solace each other, but IRL friends could hug you, or just be by your side. So you still can feel lonely even if you have online friends.


I agree with @Idkwhatonamemyself, and your friend seems to be taking advantage of you because you are really caring. I wish I could be a friend with a person like you IRL.

You are afraid of ending up disabled (as you wrote in another thread) when you attempt, so you might be feeling like you're trapped on this cruel world.
Sorry, I couldn't come up with any useful advice or words that ease your torment, but thanks for reading, and I hope your days will be a bit less unbearable

Love,
LoiteringClouds

Thank you for this sweet message. It means a lot, truly.

 

[voldussy]

i'm sorry, i wish i could be your friend, we both need it