Dusk till dawn
Experienced
- Sep 7, 2018
- 232
The more i grow up the more i realise life is empty
Life is empty, boring, dull, meaninglessness, without a clear purpose
When i was younger i used to participate in a lot of meaningless activites just to cure my boredom, i knew i was empty and shallow, i just didn't have a strong motivation to commit suicide because there was no particular event in life that scarred me beyond repair, i got over losing my childhood friends, it's fine to me
But ever since then, what was the purpose of my life? I clearly don't produce, i only consume, i'm isolated that it become a part of me, i can't bring myself to open up to anyone to try to befriend anyone, i was never brave to open up for various purposes although i wanted to try to make friends, but a part of me saw these friendships as meaningless, they won't last forever
I just feel like maybe nothing will ever make me feel fulfilled on a deeper level, and maybe that's true
Existence is arbitrary to me
During the last few years, i just become dead and alive, or maybe i was dead but alive and only now figuring it out?
I'm not even trying hard, i don't care about therapists or getting "help" or recovering because it's not worth it to me, i didn't put any effort into recovery because i can't see why it's worth putting effort when i have no attachments to anything, it's just a waste of effort to me
There's nothing that'll ever make me feel complete and fulfilled
I'm tired of repetitive activities, yet at the same time i feel some nostalgia
Sometimes feeling emotions is just better than the void i'm in, even if it's harmful emotions
A very important piece of me is lost, it's the reason i feel so unfulfilled, so incomplete, so shallow and empty, so bored and dull, but i can't grasp what's the thing that i crave, the thing that'll make me feel fulfilled, i'll probably never understand why, maybe it's because i had high expectations from life but i was disappointed to realise i'm just living in dream
I feel incomplete as a person, without a genuine purpose or reason to feel happy
The only times i genuinely feel happy is during my dreams, where i have weird dreams that depicts me in scenarios when i feel complete, with real friends that i can connect with on a deep level, when people care about me
The only times when i feel so relieved is when i'm thinking of going back to where i was before i was brought to life
I feel like happiness, feelings of fulfilment are fake no matter what, even if they seem real to you, those emotions are still fake
I hardly can understand my emotions, it's only when my subconscious gives me dreams that i get an idea of my emotions on a deeper level
I can't understand those who desire life or feel genuinely happy and fulfilled
I just want to jump off a high building, close my eyes, then never wake up again
Life is empty, boring, dull, meaninglessness, without a clear purpose
When i was younger i used to participate in a lot of meaningless activites just to cure my boredom, i knew i was empty and shallow, i just didn't have a strong motivation to commit suicide because there was no particular event in life that scarred me beyond repair, i got over losing my childhood friends, it's fine to me
But ever since then, what was the purpose of my life? I clearly don't produce, i only consume, i'm isolated that it become a part of me, i can't bring myself to open up to anyone to try to befriend anyone, i was never brave to open up for various purposes although i wanted to try to make friends, but a part of me saw these friendships as meaningless, they won't last forever
I just feel like maybe nothing will ever make me feel fulfilled on a deeper level, and maybe that's true
Existence is arbitrary to me
During the last few years, i just become dead and alive, or maybe i was dead but alive and only now figuring it out?
I'm not even trying hard, i don't care about therapists or getting "help" or recovering because it's not worth it to me, i didn't put any effort into recovery because i can't see why it's worth putting effort when i have no attachments to anything, it's just a waste of effort to me
There's nothing that'll ever make me feel complete and fulfilled
I'm tired of repetitive activities, yet at the same time i feel some nostalgia
Sometimes feeling emotions is just better than the void i'm in, even if it's harmful emotions
A very important piece of me is lost, it's the reason i feel so unfulfilled, so incomplete, so shallow and empty, so bored and dull, but i can't grasp what's the thing that i crave, the thing that'll make me feel fulfilled, i'll probably never understand why, maybe it's because i had high expectations from life but i was disappointed to realise i'm just living in dream
I feel incomplete as a person, without a genuine purpose or reason to feel happy
The only times i genuinely feel happy is during my dreams, where i have weird dreams that depicts me in scenarios when i feel complete, with real friends that i can connect with on a deep level, when people care about me
The only times when i feel so relieved is when i'm thinking of going back to where i was before i was brought to life
I feel like happiness, feelings of fulfilment are fake no matter what, even if they seem real to you, those emotions are still fake
I hardly can understand my emotions, it's only when my subconscious gives me dreams that i get an idea of my emotions on a deeper level
I can't understand those who desire life or feel genuinely happy and fulfilled
I just want to jump off a high building, close my eyes, then never wake up again
