Venting sharing a fear

[Lavínia]

I hate children. The general idea of something in the beginning, the very consensus of the stage of becoming, in the image of a creature with sense, terrifies me. An agony, yes, luminous and unpredictable. It likes to burn my image, consuming my blue. They are direct, they understand my lies when seeking depth, digging. They are curious, of course. I cannot be reckless around them, a mistake will leave a scar, in me or in them. A blank canvas, anything you do can affect them. I do not want to build the concept of them being fragile and useless, depending too much on already cooked influences. What exists they will take, and that is my problem. My fear, my failure, carelessness or even assertive decision, can paint them. A stripe, they have something in their eyes now, a frivolous darkness, reminiscent of a rainbow killed by lynching. Contrite friction, they lost a leg, in its place there are needy, bouncy tendons. Watercolor, they remain staring at others, reading souls instead of books, converting stories, emotions and pain into life plans.
- Come on! Come on! Come on! A spinning wheel! Spinning round and round! A game! That's all! Turn suffering, pain and despair into a soup! What would death be if not a soup. Stir! Then stir! Drown, lose! Lose! No one needs teeth in hell!
And they continue looking, I don't know how to talk to them. Adults assume things, blindfolded in their truths, believe in certainties. Children... Such nausea, I have dry contractions, the pattern needs to be expelled. I tend to pay too much attention in these cases, insecure protection, which always leads to disappointment.
the saddest part about this is that my biggest dream was to be a mother

 

[platypus77]

That's one of the dreams that died in me, growing up made realize I would be a shitty father and also can't exclude the horrible generic affinity towards mental disorders that runs in the family.
I feel bad for my parents, I don't want it and my sister can't have one. So no grandchildren in this life.

 

[ItsAllSoTiresome]

I hate children. The general idea of something in the beginning, the very consensus of the stage of becoming, in the image of a creature with sense, terrifies me. An agony, yes, luminous and unpredictable. It likes to burn my image, consuming my blue. They are direct, they understand my lies when seeking depth, digging. They are curious, of course. I cannot be reckless around them, a mistake will leave a scar, in me or in them. A blank canvas, anything you do can affect them. I do not want to build the concept of them being fragile and useless, depending too much on already cooked influences. What exists they will take, and that is my problem. My fear, my failure, carelessness or even assertive decision, can paint them. A stripe, they have something in their eyes now, a frivolous darkness, reminiscent of a rainbow killed by lynching. Contrite friction, they lost a leg, in its place there are needy, bouncy tendons. Watercolor, they remain staring at others, reading souls instead of books, converting stories, emotions and pain into life plans.
- Come on! Come on! Come on! A spinning wheel! Spinning round and round! A game! That's all! Turn suffering, pain and despair into a soup! What would death be if not a soup. Stir! Then stir! Drown, lose! Lose! No one needs teeth in hell!
And they continue looking, I don't know how to talk to them. Adults assume things, blindfolded in their truths, believe in certainties. Children... Such nausea, I have dry contractions, the pattern needs to be expelled. I tend to pay too much attention in these cases, insecure protection, which always leads to disappointment.
the saddest part about this is that my biggest dream was to be a mother

While I wouldn't say that I hate children exactly, I don't feel comfortable around them and find them noisy and annoying, and I have never wanted to be a father. This has caused problems for my relationships in the past, as my exes eventually began to want children, it seems almost every woman does once she gets to a certain age.

 

[CatLvr]

Yep, I understand completely. I had always said I would never have children. When the doctor puts you on the Pill I would very strongly suggest you still use a rubber.

I have children (they are all grown now) that I would die for. I have spent their entire existence grateful for them because they saved me. I would have been long gone -- probably at some evil guy's hand -- if it hadn't been for them.

But, yeah, other people's kids drive me daft. Too much coddling nowadays. Too many kids get what they want just by throwing a temper tantrum and screaming at the top of their lungs. I'm sorry -- it sounds like they have a bug on their ass that needs to be knocked off.