Share how life has gotten worse since...

[HGL91]

Share how life has gotten worse since you were last suicidal.

I was last suicidal in 2014. However, I got help because I was told "Life could get better".

Since then, all the friends and family members I cared about died, moved out of state or to another country, I am in a very BAD financial situation because I let my ex-boyfriend take advantage of me, gotten older and less attractive, just left an abusive relationship of almost 3 years living together, ran a failing business, my car that I absolutely loved for 6 years was totaled because I couldn't afford new tires and I spun 4 times in the rain and crashed into a wall on the freeway, I'm in a lot of pain and can't afford health insurance, and was almost homeless but was saved by the good graces of my mom letting me stay with her. However, I think me becoming homeless is inevitable and I'd like to CTB before then.

So much for life getting better, social workers and psych doctors! Such BS.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I got better after being suicidal. Some people can get help. I'm sorry that it didn't work for you.

 

[Rollinggirl]

Actually I got better and could have been normal already, but my toxic house(not my family), brought me back to square one(what the actual flying fuck), and then I asked my mom to rent another house for me(but now I got financial stress because I feel responsible for the rent). All I wanted is a quiet and peaceful house gd for my mental health, not a rented one because a rented one is never ours. So, I don't feel a sense of belonging, which creates identity crisis( which i would not have if I lived in a house that had good environment), anxiety, stress, overthinking, negativity. It's like I found the secret to good mental health and a fulfilling life, but this one things brings everything to shit. It's this one thing...

 

[not_a_robot]

Worst worst worst mistake I ever made, to seek help. My social workers constantly force me into situations custom-made to make me CTB.
The healthcare industry attracts the worst of sadists and scavengers.
I have no doubt that there's a far higher percentage of psychopaths in a medical school or psychology program than in any prison.
I can't even talk about it, it upsets me too much. The whole point of gaslighting is to present the victim with a situation so bizarre that not only will they not be believed if they report it, but also ruled insane. Once that happens, they can get away with whatever they want. And they do.

 

[Mbound]

The healthcare industry attracts the worst of sadists and scavengers.

This is the damn truth. Anyone who's interacted extensively with them knows this to be true.

 

[not_a_robot]

This is the damn truth. Anyone who's interacted extensively with them knows this to be true.

They will kill you on purpose, or kill you accidentally with their incompetence. Either way, they're gonna kill you.

 

[HGL91]

Worst worst worst mistake I ever made, to seek help. My social workers constantly force me into situations custom-made to make me CTB.
The healthcare industry attracts the worst of sadists and scavengers.
I have no doubt that there's a far higher percentage of psychopaths in a medical school or psychology program than in any prison.
I can't even talk about it, it upsets me too much. The whole point of gaslighting is to present the victim with a situation so bizarre that not only will they not be believed if they report it, but also ruled insane. Once that happens, they can get away with whatever they want. And they do.

So true. They use their knowledge of psychology to manipulate. I get the worst panic attacks when communicating with a Health Scare Professional. Sorry, I mean "Health Care Professional".

 

[Charlielodge]

Worse thing I ever did was go my GP.. now these people turn up to my house at 3pm and just make me drag up all the things I don't want to talk about, nod their head a few times and leave and leave me feeling worse than I did before they came

Worse thing I ever did was go my GP.. now these people turn up to my house at 3pm and just make me drag up all the things I don't want to talk about, nod their head a few times and leave and leave me feeling worse than I did before they came

3pm everyday too

 

[Jon86]

Suicidal everyday since 2010, what's gotten worse....bankruptcy, lost my hair, lost all my friends (isolation), haven't had a gf in years, recently quit my construction job because of old injuries/hopelessness, hopefully that'll be enough to push me over the edge and end my misery.

 

[not_a_robot]

So true. They use their knowledge of psychology to manipulate. I get the worst panic attacks when communicating with a Health Scare Professional. Sorry, I mean "Health Care Professional".

I found out that for the past year they have been falsifying records to imply that I'm incompetent to manage my own money. Ever since the day they found out that I *might* be eligible for a large inheritance. And several agencies have been colluding to do it so I can't report any of them to each other. They will deliberately instigate situations to try to make me angry or laugh, then step away and video me on cellphone to try to get "evidence" of me "acting crazy". For a year I kept telling myself
"No, I'm being paranoid, this must be why they keep calling me paranoid, they would not do what I am thinking, that is crazy."
A few months ago I got sick, asked psych/social workers for help communicating with my doctor, because doctor always tries to prescribe me steroids which will harm me if I take them (I did not realize yet that psych/social workers/doc were colluding). All I wanted was additional diagnostic testing to show them why steroids will harm me.
Well they thought this was their big
chance, me weakened by illness and fever, they really thought they are gonna "get me", all week long every time I talked to them, they would start mumbling into their cellphones (while I'm in the middle of explaining my medical illness & symptoms and what tests I need referral for to prove it)
"oooh we got her. we got her. haHA, ooh we have got this bitch."
(there would only be two of us in the room and they would do this, thinking I could not see that they were actually talking to someone else on cellphone while holding cellphone camera pointed at me).
Then when I pause and say "sorry, are you saying something?"
They go "No, I said nothing."
I kept laughing at it, at first, because while filming me they are also filming themselves harassing a sick person.
But I figure they planned to edit out anything that exposes them.

Anyway when I confronted them and started videoing them back, they tried to have me committed to psych hospital. This did not go well for them, because I had already made reports days earlier about their behavior, to the agency who enforces psych holds.
My stupid social workers must have got reprimanded, because they have been *kissing my ass* hard ever since.
Fucking bitches had no idea who they were tryna fuck with, but they know now.

 

[HGL91]

I found out that for the past year they have been falsifying records to imply that I'm incompetent to manage my own money. Ever since the day they found out that I *might* be eligible for a large inheritance. And several agencies have been colluding to do it so I can't report any of them to each other. They will deliberately instigate situations to try to make me angry or laugh, then step away and video me on cellphone to try to get "evidence" of me "acting crazy". For a year I kept telling myself
"No, I'm being paranoid, this must be why they keep calling me paranoid, they would not do what I am thinking, that is crazy."
A few months ago I got sick, asked psych/social workers for help communicating with my doctor, because doctor always tries to prescribe me steroids which will harm me if I take them (I did not realize yet that psych/social workers/doc were colluding). All I wanted was additional diagnostic testing to show them why steroids will harm me.
Well they thought this was their big
chance, me weakened by illness and fever, they really thought they are gonna "get me", all week long every time I talked to them, they would start mumbling into their cellphones (while I'm in the middle of explaining my medical illness & symptoms and what tests I need referral for to prove it)
"oooh we got her. we got her. haHA, ooh we have got this bitch."
(there would only be two of us in the room and they would do this, thinking I could not see that they were actually talking to someone else on cellphone while holding cellphone camera pointed at me).
Then when I pause and say "sorry, are you saying something?"
They go "No, I said nothing."
I kept laughing at it, at first, because while filming me they are also filming themselves harassing a sick person.
But I figure they planned to edit out anything that exposes them.

Anyway when I confronted them and started videoing them back, they tried to have me committed to psych hospital. This did not go well for them, because I had already made reports days earlier about their behavior, to the agency who enforces psych holds.
My stupid social workers must have got reprimanded, because they have been *kissing my ass* hard ever since.
Fucking bitches had no idea who they were tryna fuck with, but they know now.

Hah!! Good for you showing them who's boss!! Yup. Sounds like they were trying to screw you over.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

It has actually... Gotten better for me, not because of being locked in some fucking psych ward or pills being shoved down my throat, but because I'm now living alone and school is no more, and let's just say I've gotten incredibly lucky. I once could not get a moment of peace, now I can. I'm incredibly lucky to be where I am today, and I kinda feel bad that things are ok for me, while many other's lives here are so horrible.

My life is ok, but I'm still depressed as hell, doing the same old shit over and over again, and for what though? I don't even know what I want. I stopped being suicidal when I got deep into the possibilities of what happens after death. Most of them don't sit well with me, so I don't want to risk it. I'm not suicidal, that could change, I don't know, but not a day goes by where I don't think about life, the universe, and death, and why the fuck we are all here. I keep cooking up theories, but then each and every single one of them, I find a way to call bullshit.

 

[not_a_robot]

Hah!! Good for you showing them who's boss!! Yup. Sounds like they were trying to screw you over.

Yeah, the saddest part was that this was obviously routine behavior, they are accustomed to getting away with it because they normally deal with people who can't defend themselves; that's why they like those jobs, to bully defenseless people.
But when bullies get beaten at their own game, they just get mad and more determined to find ways to hurt me. I have dealt with bullies my whole life, I know they will already be trying something new.
And that's ok, they can try. I already have more nasty surprises in store for them. But the main thing is to exit the state and care system, so they have no more hold over me. I'm moving as far away from here as I can get within the continental US, I even calculated the miles to be sure

Lol I told them when the psych hold refused to take me
"Maybe next time you'll think twice before you pick on the autistic kid, dummies."

 

[Jumper]

I was last seriously suicidal in 2015 due to job circumstances and mental illness. My life improved until I was struck with a permanent physical injury last year. I now have chronic pain in addition to my other problems. Wish I was able to CTB back in 2015, when I lived on a high floor and had access to guns.

 

[HGL91]

Yeah, the saddest part was that this was obviously routine behavior, they are accustomed to getting away with it because they normally deal with people who can't defend themselves; that's why they like those jobs, to bully defenseless people.
But when buies get beaten at their own game, they just get mad and more determined to find ways to hurt me. I have dealt with bullies my whole life, I know they will already be trying something new.
And that's ok, they can try. I already have more nasty surprises in store for them. But the main thing is to exit the state and care system, so they have no more hold over me. I'm moving as far away from here as I can get within the continental US, I even calculated the miles to be sure

Lol I told them when the psych hold refused to take me
"Maybe next time you'll think twice before you pick on the autistic kid, dummies."

Yeah. They do like to feel powerful over those who are insecure. Glad you put them in their place and are freeing yourself from them!

I was last seriously suicidal in 2015 due to job circumstances and mental illness. My life improved until I was struck with a permanent physical injury last year. I now have chronic pain in addition to my other problems. Wish I was able to CTB back in 2015, when I lived on a high floor and had access to guns.

Right? I had much better resources for CTB back in 2014. And I was fresh out of college, was on my mom's amazing health insurance, had access to meds and was so knowledgeable about pharmacology that would have helped with suicide.

Guess we won't make the same mistake twice! Think we know now that life is just gonna double in awfulness even if it gets better for a while.

 

[wanttodie]

Suicidal everyday for over 20 years and want to die more and more evary day ​

 

[everrgreenn]

i started to get better for awhile, but recently ive fell in with the wrong people. i thought they were my friends but they've only just been manipulative. forcing me back into this state that i worked so hard to get out of.

 

[Ratbat]

My meds were really helpin me since i last lost my mind but now they have givene anorgasmia and i fap and m all alone and i feel nothing down there now so i stopped meds to see if it helpz but then i go nuts i have schizophrenia and im broken.hesrted

 

[HGL91]

i started to get better for awhile, but recently ive fell in with the wrong people. i thought they were my friends but they've only just been manipulative. forcing me back into this state that i worked so hard to get out of.

I'm sorry to hear that :/ In my experience, every person I've gotten to know well has become manipulative over time whether a family member, friend, or boyfriend.

I think it's part of human nature unfortunately. The people get comfortable with you and see how far they can push boundaries until a person gets angry, and then back off a bit and then try to push boundaries again, like a cycle.

How were they being manipulative?

My meds were really helpin me since i last lost my mind but now they have givene anorgasmia and i fap and m all alone and i feel nothing down there now so i stopped meds to see if it helpz but then i go nuts i have schizophrenia and im broken.hesrted

Could you switch meds? Meds have different side effects. I took an antidepressant called Lamictal that gave me a horrible rash and switched over to Lexapro, and no longer get a rash. Still get side effects but very minimal ones like dry eyes and nausea if I take it on an empty stomach.

 

[RM5998]

Since 2010, I've simply degenerated in pretty much all respects. I'm simply less than what I was at 12. The only thing that has increased is self-awareness.