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Lavínia

Lavínia

plalace
Feb 19, 2024
70
I'm starting to panic a little thinking I'm going to have to go to work tomorrow, after some pending issues that are eating me alive there. So I remembered and thought of sharing a story:
At my old job (see, see, work is something that really gives me a certain amount of agony) I started sh again. It was a silly thing, during my break I would do a little cuts on the creases of my fingers while walking around, with my heart exploding and trying to memorize a thousand things to occupy my mind. A little blood would come out, there was a little pain and the day went on. However, I started having more crises, more anxiety and more agony. So I needed to increase the intensity, and at one point, I went to the bathroom, shaking, cut my tongue in the middle... and it started to bleed... a lot?
Look, I'm not stupid, but I really didn't expect that there would be so much blood. I washed it, swallowed a lot and had to go back to the office. Most of it was chat or e-mail, however, as soon as I sat down in my chair the phone rang. Now, think about it: How can you have a serious conversation while swallowing blood every 5 seconds? You do it.
I answered, introduced myself, asked how I could hel- *loses the ability to speak and sounds like a babbling child, stop, swallows blood* -and asked how I could help again.
For 5 seconds I was a coherent human with the ability to speak, and for two seconds I was a monkey. Like, "Hello, how can I help you withuy ghuylgy?"
when I shared this with my ex he laughed so bad, I miss him.
And then it only got worse, another phone call, talking at home... eating... I tasted blood for 3 whole weeks, it was an experience I'll never have again. Even at a barbecue, I ate meat and only tasted my blood there, it was very philosophical.
Whenever I do something destructive on impulse, it turns into a funny story. But the person I talked about and could make laugh with, I abandoned and removed from my life. He would laugh at this either.
 
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kitia973

kitia973

From China
Dec 24, 2024
88
That sounds awful. Why would you cut your tongue though?
 
Lavínia

Lavínia

plalace
Feb 19, 2024
70
That sounds awful. Why would you cut your tongue though?
It was an impulse. Whenever I hurt myself, I do it in a place that is not visible, that I can at least hide with clothes. That day, with my mind spinning and not knowing what to do, I tried to hurt myself in a place that was "easy to hide", since I could just close my mouth... ok, I was just stupid.
 
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2messdup

2messdup

Enlightened
Feb 10, 2024
1,257
It was an impulse. Whenever I hurt myself, I do it in a place that is not visible, that I can at least hide with clothes. That day, with my mind spinning and not knowing what to do, I tried to hurt myself in a place that was "easy to hide", since I could just close my mouth... ok, I was just stupid.
I've just cut my tongue (nothing to do with op, saw it on wpd). Quite satisfying in the taste of blood. Not painful though. Wouldn't cut the major tongue vessels though unless you want to die
 
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Lavínia

Lavínia

plalace
Feb 19, 2024
70
I've just cut my tongue (nothing to do with op, saw it on wpd). Quite satisfying in the taste of blood. Not painful though. Wouldn't cut the major tongue vessels though unless you want to die
It's a little warm and comforting, no pain. The problem is that it lasts a long time... like, 2 hours of swallowing blood? Nice, vibe. Now 2 weeks? It's complicated, at least while I need to talk and do things I don't want... curse you work.
 

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