Venting sexual trauma eating me alive

[azukigirl]

my whole childhood was so messed up in so many different ways quite literally until the second i turned 18 and i just left everything and i don't think this is a thing i will ever recover from. im tired enough from everything else. i cant stop reliving all of my sexual trauma. i was just a kid. i wish i had money for sn . i am trying to make a plan its just so hard by myself and im clueless. i tried to combine xanax with alcohol and other medications in a couple of attempts >_< knowing it doesnt work always but it's all i rlly have available aaagh

 

[King Ashoka]

I am very sorry to hear that. People are inherently bad and selfish.

Please make proper plan before execution.

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

I feel bad for you but you shouldn't do it, your just a kid. Wait till your 30 and then if your still serious then go ahead.

 

[azukigirl]

I am very sorry to hear that. People are inherently bad and selfish.

Please make proper plan before execution.

you are correct T_T tyy

I feel bad for you but you shouldn't do it, your just a kid. Wait till your 30 and then if your still serious then go ahead.

thanks friend, i think of it, but with everything else going on with me, the permanent things, and the short term things, im unsure if i can handle living on. it's really intense and im in a lot of pain for it feels all my life even if i am young. i mean like i dropped out and the only way i have anything is through disability aid. i am at high risk of being homeless

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

you are correct T_T tyy

thanks friend, i think of it, but with everything else going on with me, the permanent things, and the short term things, im unsure if i can handle living on. it's really intense and im in a lot of pain for it feels all my life even if i am young. i mean like i dropped out and the only way i have anything is through disability aid. i am at high risk of being homeless

That's really unfortunate, do you have any family left or friends who can support you? Maybe you could try to get a low skill job like cleaning.
Try to hang in there, i just don't want someone so young to do it. I'm already old so it's to late for me.

 

[azukigirl]

That's really unfortunate, do you have any family left or friends who can support you? Maybe you could try to get a low skill job like cleaning.
Try to hang in there, i just don't want someone so young to do it. I'm already old so it's to late for me.

i have no contact with any other family members and was aware of that risk when i decided to escape abuse. it makes me sad but it was that or just plain abuse every day. i'm staying at someone's house currently trying to get a visa so i can be elligble to work in the future. but i am overstepping my stay and it's getting worse. im belittled and i burden and i see the pain. no universities or colleges accept me despite being 19 (the "mature student" age) and i'm trying not to get in trouble panic doing papers since my first visa expired

That's really unfortunate, do you have any family left or friends who can support you? Maybe you could try to get a low skill job like cleaning.
Try to hang in there, i just don't want someone so young to do it. I'm already old so it's to late for me.

thank you for the kindness

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

i have no contact with any other family members and was aware of that risk when i decided to escape abuse. it makes me sad but it was that or just plain abuse every day. i'm staying at someone's house currently trying to get a visa so i can be elligble to work in the future. but i am overstepping my stay and it's getting worse. im belittled and i burden and i see the pain. no universities or colleges accept me despite being 19 (the "mature student" age) and i'm trying not to get in trouble panic doing papers since my first visa expired

thank you for the kindness

Bloody hell that's really really bad. Most of my trauma came from school, getting trauma from family would be even worse.

 

[azukigirl]

Bloody hell that's really really bad. Most of my trauma came from school, getting trauma from family would be even worse.

im so sorry you had to deal with that. i have trauma from school too, so even if i dont exactly understand your situation i know how it can be so hard. i know no one deserves the trauma they get. wishing you the best always, and wishing you peace

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

im so sorry you had to deal with that. i have trauma from school too, so even if i dont exactly understand your situation i know how it can be so hard. i know no one deserves the trauma they get. wishing you the best always, and wishing you peace

Thank you, you are very kind.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really so cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, it must had been so horrible what you've been through, I understand why you'd just wish to be gone. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Water-Lily]

my whole childhood was so messed up in so many different ways quite literally until the second i turned 18 and i just left everything and i don't think this is a thing i will ever recover from. im tired enough from everything else. i cant stop reliving all of my sexual trauma. i was just a kid. i wish i had money for sn . i am trying to make a plan its just so hard by myself and im clueless. i tried to combine xanax with alcohol and other medications in a couple of attempts >_< knowing it doesnt work always but it's all i rlly have available aaagh

I am so so so sorry you were violated and abused. As someone who came from a traumatic background, I can relate to the pain you're feeling. Once you become aware of certain things you can't unsee them and if changes your perception of yourself

The pain, the memories, it all becomes so painful. Being that you're 18, it would pain me to in any way encourage suicide. I'd ideally want you to see what resources can exist in your proposal. The pain and trauma will never go away but perhaps there can be resiliency gained. I can say from the years I've done therapy and medication that the pain never goes but, I guess with the clarity you gain better ways of coping. I'm a lot more social then I was before, for one

Of course, if you end up choosing to die as well I can't influence that decision. My only hope with death for us traumatized souls is peace.

I personally don't believe in heaven or hell or any "place" we go to. I feel we'll just be in a state of nothingness

If that is really what's in store, then I think we owe it to ourselves to give to us a life that brings happiness. And that can be found in the small things

Be it reading a book, eating good friends, or spending time with friends when able. Everyone has that one thing that gives them joy. Do you have something you can look forward to?

 

[Rouge4000]

my whole childhood was so messed up in so many different ways quite literally until the second i turned 18 and i just left everything and i don't think this is a thing i will ever recover from. im tired enough from everything else. i cant stop reliving all of my sexual trauma. i was just a kid. i wish i had money for sn . i am trying to make a plan its just so hard by myself and im clueless. i tried to combine xanax with alcohol and other medications in a couple of attempts >_< knowing it doesnt work always but it's all i rlly have available aaagh

I'm 18 and I'm in a similar boat. Unfortunately i actually see the person who sa me every day and it bothers me a fuck ton