Discussion Sex is Overrated

[stellabelle]

I do feel asexual and have for much of my life. Ive has times where I do want it, but I don't know why because it's not always physically appealing to me. Sometimes i think it's just hormonal imbalances. Getting on a sexual kick for a while, and then back off of it.

I think people enjoy it and obsess over it so much because it is fun to them (or it can be to some!), it is an awesome physical feeling, and having exclusive attention from someone can be fulfilling to both partners. I think much of it also has to do with hormones and chemicals that the brain releases before, during, and afterwards.

To me, there's a huge difference between sex and intimacy - I prefer the intimacy side of it.

 

[fettuccinee]

I can't enjoy it like I used to, I just smoke and drink many of my nights away.

Idek why I still have a girlfriend sometimes because I think she's emotionally/mentally abusing me..idk.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Sex is not everything until you rarely get it. Then it becomes everything.

Or not at all.

 

[clownangel]

Sooo is it a dealbreaker or possible to have a relationship without/limited sex?

Ace here. Definitely depends on the relationship - I'm not sex repulsed just pretty indifferent/uninterested (echoing your first post - it's not like I don't have nerve endings it's just....who even gives a shit lmao) and communicating that is terrifying/important.

I've had it blow up in my face before, and I've had partners with lower sex drives that I did alright with, but even in "good" situations (partner understand, but isnt asexual as well, might have a lower libido) I occasionally feel like an absolute asshole for not wanting to & feeling obligated. (Cuz yeah, I think a lot of it is just...people are overexposed to shit and it's pushed to the front of our heads wether we like it or not so even though I have no interest I still feel like it is somehow Super Fucking Important and that I should Feel Terrible About It if that makes any sense)

 

[Kolanthel]

Ace here. Definitely depends on the relationship - I'm not sex repulsed just pretty indifferent/uninterested (echoing your first post - it's not like I don't have nerve endings it's just....who even gives a shit lmao) and communicating that is terrifying/important.

I've had it blow up in my face before, and I've had partners with lower sex drives that I did alright with, but even in "good" situations (partner understand, but isnt asexual as well, might have a lower libido) I occasionally feel like an absolute asshole for not wanting to & feeling obligated. (Cuz yeah, I think a lot of it is just...people are overexposed to shit and it's pushed to the front of our heads wether we like it or not so even though I have no interest I still feel like it is somehow Super Fucking Important and that I should Feel Terrible About It if that makes any sense)

Makes perfect sense Ace to Ace. Couldn't have said it better.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Well I'd have no idea since I've never had sex. At 15-17 I had a really bad bought with OCD. Plus there was no one in my high school I was going to sleep with. The most immature bunch of boys I've ever met. Then at 18 I pursued a guy who had no interest in me. Then at 19 I was ready to sleep with this guy and he told me that he planned on sleeping with other girls besides me. Well that just didn't fly with me. I'm a very sensitive person. I may actually tough but I'm sensitive inside and that really hurt me. So I stopped seeing him. Then at 20 I got sick with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and went on a search all over the country trying to find out what was wrong with me. I was in such pain I couldn't leave the house. Then my condition got worse and worse and it spread in between my legs. It's a nerve condition. So I couldn't have sex if I wanted to. It makes me sick that I'm going to die not knowing what love is and what it feels like not just physically but emotionally, to be with a man. But I was never this sex starved horny girl looking for it wherever I could get it. I've done everything else but sex and to me it's just a bunch of work. I don't need it to feel close to someone.

 

[Blackjack]

Sex is meaningless without an emotional connection.

 

[LastFlowers]

I've had an aversion to sex for as long as I can remember, only got stronger with age. I don't mind that other people partake but I do not want to participate. Not that anyone would want me to in the first place lol I'm hideous. So really it's not a problem for me, but it does become irritatingly ubiquitous. It's just another big disconnect I have from other people. I dont connect it to love or affection. To me, it is so separate.

Perhaps if I could solve the problems causing me to CTB, it would bother me more. But as of now, my lack of understanding for sex and its prevalence is just a part of me that I don't mind at all.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Life is overrated.

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't mind that other people partake but I do not want to participate.

That's a very odd statement.

 

[blanketyblk]

Food is better than sex
Shoe shopping is better than sex
Sleep is better than sex
SS is better than sex

Sex is shite!

hold your horses, shoe shopping is literately better than anything on that list..:-)

as for sex. the ack i can take it or leave it, but the part that i do enjoy about it is the other person is craving your body and your craving their body. it's the animalist emotions take over. thats the part i enjoy about it.

 

[deflagrat]

I am aromantic. I don't even know what love is supposed to be, or why I am supposed to want it. I used to masturbate several times / day until I ended up with sexual anhedonia for an unknown reason (probably psych meds). After that I never had any interest in the opposite sex. In 2017 I developed flat affect (probably due to schizoaffective disorder), so love it's even harder to understand. Sometimes I play Japanese Visual Novels and I find myself liking the heroine, but then the story ends and 2 days after that I lose all interest.

 

[Heart of Ice]

Funny, one of my friends with wealthy parents said the exact same words about money.

 

[clownangel]

Makes perfect sense Ace to Ace. Couldn't have said it better.

I'm glad it didn't read as absolute wordvomit and made sense aha. But yeah it's just....a pain in the ass re:navigating relationships.

I don't mind that other people partake but I do not want to participate.

Exaaaactly this for real. (Also same about having it be disconnected from love/affection. I just...yeah nope. Pass.)

 

[Brainpain]

I can get sex anytime I want it and elect not to. I find it boring and a chore. I have no sex drive at all nor do I want one.

 

[Brainpain]

I had a very strong sex drive during my living years and zero outlet. It's one of the many curses of being an ugly male. My sex drive was never in pursuit of orgasm, but for touch, connection, etc. Depressed women can understand that need for validation, but I don't think they can understand how out of reach it is for some men. If I was a woman I would have been hooking up every other night of the week just to feel that I mattered to someone rather than rotting away in monk mode.. At my age, I now know that I don't matter and never have, I have no value which is why no one has ever shown any interest in me, and I'll take that sadness as one of the greatest of my pains to my grave.

It's too late for me. But I say to women: if you are going to sleep around, sleep with lonely dudes who need it. Do some good. If I were ever given that, who knows - maybe I wouldn't have ended up so broken in the head. Go onto Virginity Exchange and make someone's year. Or don't. Whatever.

Women can have sex or not have sex with whomever they want. Sex shouldn't be a favour to be handed out. There are paid workers who happily provide that service as a job.

 

[Mokocchi]

Oh come on now buddy, that's a slap in the face if I've ever seen one.

If I knew someone desired me enough to partake in the most intimate of human on human interaction (IE sex), not for money or anything like that, I wouldn't be here right now, I'd be happy, confident in myself as a person to finally know I matter to someone else.

And that's not even going into the biological effects of sexual release (NOT masturbation), of which there are numerous and powerful.

 

[LastFlowers]

Oh come on now buddy, that's a slap in the face if I've ever seen one.

If I knew someone desired me enough to partake in the most intimate of human on human interaction (IE sex), not for money or anything like that, I wouldn't be here right now, I'd be happy, confident in myself as a person to finally know I matter to someone else.

And that's not even going into the biological effects of sexual release (NOT masturbation), of which there are numerous and powerful.

Some people don't consider that the most intimate of human/human interaction. I certainly don't.

I consider a great many things more powerful and more important than sex. And many relationships that are not sexual, I would hold above any sexual one.
If the lack of it in someone's life is their reason for being here, I truly do not understand.
However, everyone has their reasons, and their feelings on things. We are all different. I doubt OP meant his post to be a slap in the face to anyone.
He just feels differently than you do and prioritizes different things.
He is probably "slapped in the face" 24:7 by sex being so mindlessly paramount in everyone else's lives, in media, and in general. He just wants to know that he's not alone.

Being wanted, having significance or wanting to be close with someone, I get. But simply the act of sex being life or death, I do not.
Unless you were raped, which puts a whole different spin on the subject.

Ace here. Definitely depends on the relationship - I'm not sex repulsed just pretty indifferent/uninterested (echoing your first post - it's not like I don't have nerve endings it's just....who even gives a shit lmao) and communicating that is terrifying/important.

I've had it blow up in my face before, and I've had partners with lower sex drives that I did alright with, but even in "good" situations (partner understand, but isnt asexual as well, might have a lower libido) I occasionally feel like an absolute asshole for not wanting to & feeling obligated. (Cuz yeah, I think a lot of it is just...people are overexposed to shit and it's pushed to the front of our heads wether we like it or not so even though I have no interest I still feel like it is somehow Super Fucking Important and that I should Feel Terrible About It if that makes any sense)

You shouldn't have to feel terrible about it. If you aren't comfortable with it, don't feel obligated to do it.
It's rather disgusting that we live in a world where you should have to feel that way. But society-and people-are already so problematic, the pushy prevalence of sex is just one of many things wrong. And in the minds of most people, it is unfortunately tied to several more of those things.
I've even heard of asexuals themselves being offended if someone didn't at least WANT to have sex with them. Not wanting to can make the person think they're not desirable enough for much of anything, nevermind sex.
This is where the idea of sex becomes more understandable, even if the act itself is not.

 

[Eurus]

In my case I desire sex yes,but I desire a relationship with someone more,I'm so alone

 

[Eurus]

^^Thank you for agreeing. I don't think women understand it really. How could they? Irony is, so many women with depression sleep around for validation, so they do kinda get it at some level. Yet if a man says it would be nice to have a little validation that he exists/has value from the opposite sex rather than a complete lack of any interest suddenly he's entitled creep and no one owes him anything.

I think I'd be a completely different person if women "noticed" me when it mattered (it doesn't any more: my fate is sealed). This is why I joke that if I am reborn as a promiscuous woman I would seek out the lonely dudes who need sex, and do a little good at minimal cost to myself.

"Being wanted, having significance or wanting to be close with someone, I get. But simply the act of sex being life or death, I do not."

Obviously that is what people mean by sex. Sex is the ultimate expression of those things. But if you are to challenge it, you have to challenge all the women getting validation through sex, not only the men who aren't. Why are so many people who claim that sex is overrated, still having it? Almost every person here saying that sex is overrated are likely having it, at least semi regularly. Men who aren't having sex (if they are sexual) aren't having anything - it's not the absence of sex, its the absence of any recognition that they matter enough for someone to take a gamble on them, intimately.

You maybe don't understand it, because you are female. Sex may not have the significance, because you can get it (almost likely) whenever you like. So as such it borders on a hollow compliment and gets reduced to whether it is "satisfying" or not. But worrying bout whether sex is physically rewarding is ultimately a shallow luxury. For sexless men, it's a different matter. It's not about bashing genitals, that's a cover for the real urge. It's more like "Oh wow it's a goddamn miracle from the heaven's, for the first time in my life someone actually recognized I exist, and enough to want to be intimate with me". Like the old joke. it's oxygen. you don't fully understand how important it is unless you live life for extended periods without it.

Almost everyone saying that sex is "overrated" will be pulling their hairs out of their heads when they go a measly 2-5 months without it. I see that all the time. Sex is so overrated, we hear, yet people who can, have it all the time or did have it, at certain points in their life, etc. Hmmm....

I hear you,I wish I could be held,I wish there were those hugging groups around my area I'd go to those just to be near someone one

 

[kkatt]

Sex never has meant very much to me personally. As a young woman,it can become a means to acquire shiny things.
My children's father only ever wanted the kids and I was stupid enough to go along with him and despite the restrictions due to his disability, 2 creative attempts at a kind of sex produced 2 amazing kids.
Like most people,I enjoy intimacy and bonding. But I am extremeley selfish and would suffer the loneliness just so as not to have to take anyone else into consideration in my daily life.

 

[737492]

The act itself isn't that great to me, but it's probably because of trauma I have from sexual abuse.
Having sex with someone who loved me and understood me was great. Too bad it was two years ago and won't ever happen again

 

[OnlyMercy]

Sex is overrated, but understandably so. There isn't much else that's legal to provide such a release of pleasure and escape from reality.