Discussion Sex as self harm

[Journeytoletgo]

Whenever I'm lonely and depressed which is all the time I use sex as a way to cope with lonely feelings and rejection and isolation because I have bad self esteem and bad social skills and I'm very negative and hate myself and think I deserve it to be used by men. Anyone else the same? I can't forgive myself either

 

[CommitSudoku]

How are you able to talk to those people or find them? Just curious. I can barely leave the house not to mention no one is really interested in me. Plus I guess I'm demi-sexual, the thought of sex with anyone I don't have a very strong bond with is revolting. So not the same, I can only imagine how such a way to cope could hurt you.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

How are you able to talk to those people or find them? Just curious. I can barely leave the house not to mention no one is really interested in me. Plus I guess I'm demi-sexual, the thought of sex with anyone I don't have a very strong bond with is revolting. So not the same, I can only imagine how such a way to cope could hurt you.

Sometimes guys talk to me when I'm out and about. And then when I meet them I offer them a hook up then I feel horrible regretful and abandoned and hurt and hate myself

 

[Sea Turtle]

I used to do the same when I was younger, but online not in person. Crazy how many older men were willing to break laws.. I was a minor. Form of needing validation … stopped years ago but it's effects still persist. Still hurts me deeply and screws with me every day.

 

[lili]

I'm sorry your all going through this. I have a history of sleeping around with people too and it usually feels empty and harmful. I do the same now but a different approach. Usually with people around my social circles. Which always creates a lot of turbulence amongst all parties involved.

It is a very painful way to deal with loneliness. I guess for me it serves as a reminder of how people only care about themselves not others.

I am dealing with a messy mix up of multiple people at the same time and it is really difficult. One of them I've been sporadically with but they are really awful and cruel towards me. Many people ask why I've been sleeping with this person if he's so awful. I guess it's just one of the few people that is willing to pay attention to me. Even though I know he doesn't care about me and it's clear.

I feel your pain though. Hopefully we will get over this endless painful cycle.

 

[Rational man]

Sometimes guys talk to me when I'm out and about. And then when I meet them I offer them a hook up then I feel horrible regretful and abandoned and hurt and hate myself

There must be something about you that complete strangers feel that they can approach you!?. I ve always found it difficult to talk to strangers at least when i was younger.

 

[Al Cappella]

I used to do it so I could feel something, anything, inside. Now my don't, and so those feelings of emptiness are really intense. Of course trolling never helped in the long run, but there you are.

And ya, the self-harm came in doing things i really didn't want to do, etc…

 

[NoLightRemains]

I used to have sex with lots of men because I was lonely and desperately wanted validation. I was used and my self-esteem dropped instead of being raised up. My experiences have definitely messed me up and now I'm quite asexual and loathe male attention. I have a romantic female partner now but we don't engage in most typical sex acts.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

I use pornography as self harm it is like cutting yourself with razor but all scars are hidden in your head. To feel anything other than being numb .First of all you deserve respect. You deserve to be treated with kindness and tenderness by man. In my humble opinion you should go to sexologist or psychologist. Maybe something in your past was a trigger for such behaviour pattern finding this can help you overcome this scheme. You can try overcome lonliness without sex. Do you have any friend or close one that you can open up about it? I know you are probably feel terrible ashamed about it but gaining acceptance of ourslelfs from other person can be truly liberating. It was game changer for me when I told my closest friends about my porn addiction they accepted me and i stop seeing myself as a unlovable monster. You can also try physical intimacy without sex. Hugging, kissing, carresing other person and reciving the same can be wonderfull and healing. I wish you expierience of true love and tenderness.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

There must be something about you that complete strangers feel that they can approach you!?. I ve always found it difficult to talk to strangers at least when i was younger.

Skin disease and low self esteem

 

[Umeboahi]

Masturbation to conceal the feelings

 

[Belljar]

I did this and there is no faster way to mess you up. These men usually treat you like garbage too...they would insult me right after sex. Then there are the guys that push boundaries. I really believe getting into this lifestyle of being used and then being in the sex industry ruined my entire life.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I did this and there is no faster way to mess you up. These men usually treat you like garbage too...they would insult me right after sex. Then there are the guys that push boundaries. I really believe getting into this lifestyle of being used and then being in the sex industry ruined my entire life.

I am so sorry for your situation.

 

[thereisthemist]

even trying to reply in this thread is difficult for me lmao

I was in a mindset to use random sex to get HIV and commit a slow + painful suicide
It did not work, I get scared in the end, so I am a slut fem boi *and* a coward

now it just seems so meaningless, the ideology on how i would never recover from that mindset has to result in me being lonely forever, there will be no more sex, no intention to have sex

will the hookup stuff hurt me anymore? sure.
will I now use that to cope my shits now? not any more.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I'm also demisexual, like @CommitSudoku, so hookups (strangers from online dating apps) are/were a form of emotional self harm to me. Pros: temporarily feel wanted and useful. And to get human contact during the pandemic. Cons: fucks with your perception of intimacy. Worse self esteem due to shame and poor body image.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Unfortunately yes I did that a lot but not anymore. I decided to stay just by myself for a while.