Discussion Setting a determined age to kill yourself

[lovelypirategirl]

Hello again dear SS friends,

In the past few days I've been overthinking stuff and analyzing my feelings and in general my life.

Since I have memory, I've always felt suicidal. Right now I'm 27 years old and I've had some serious attempts in my life. When I was younger, I always fantasized of taking my life when I was 27... partly romanticizing the 27 club. Even though I would love to be dead right now, I don't have plans to CTB on purpose in the near future.

My father unfortunately died 5 years ago and it has deeply affected me. Due to my deep depression and severe anxiety, I haven't been able to finish all the paperwork related to his death, like finishing the acceptance of inheritance, putting things he left me under my name and that kind of stuff. I'm hoping this year I can finally do it so I can be able to leave this world in peace. Also I don't want to leave all this legal mess to my mom and sister.

Right now, even though I feel miserable and like shit, a tiny part of me has hope. So in order to have goals and live my life to the maximum, I've set a new age limit for me to CTB. I'm considering resisting until I get 35... if by the time I turn 35 I'm still feeling like this and my everyday life is still just "surviving" every single day, I'll definitely won't give life a second chance. A part of me feels relieved of having thi age limit, so my life choices are easier considering I won't be alive after I'm 35.

Has anybody here an age limit so as I do? It would be so interesting to read your opinions.

Thank you very much as always,

Xoxo

LPG


PS: pleas ignore my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue

 

[KibblesNBits]

Hello again dear SS friends,

In the past few days I've been overthinking stuff and analyzing my feelings and in general my life.

Since I have memory, I've always felt suicidal. Right now I'm 27 years old and I've had some serious attempts in my life. When I was younger, I always fantasized of taking my life when I was 27... partly romanticizing the 27 club. Even though I would love to be dead right now, I don't have plans to CTB on purpose in the near future.

My father unfortunately died 5 years ago and it has deeply affected me. Due to my deep depression and severe anxiety, I haven't been able to finish all the paperwork related to his death, like finishing the acceptance of inheritance, putting things he left me under my name and that kind of stuff. I'm hoping this year I can finally do it so I can be able to leave this world in peace. Also I don't want to leave all this legal mess to my mom and sister.

Right now, even though I feel miserable and like shit, a tiny part of me has hope. So in order to have goals and live my life to the maximum, I've set a new age limit for me to CTB. I'm considering resisting until I get 35... if by the time I turn 35 I'm still feeling like this and my everyday life is still just "surviving" every single day, I'll definitely won't give life a second chance. A part of me feels relieved of having thi age limit, so my life choices are easier considering I won't be alive after I'm 35.

Has anybody here an age limit so as I do? It would be so interesting to read your opinions.

Thank you very much as always,

Xoxo

LPG


PS: pleas ignore my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue

I always thought of suicide, even as a child. I never fathomed living to be 30 but here I am. And now that I'm 30, I am literally probably dying so suicide is looking more like a necessity than an option. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy. But to answer your question, no, not really. I feel like if you live long enough and suffer long enough, it becomes a day by day thing and taking just how much you can stand until you can't take it anymore. But if you are setting a date and you have your health, I envy you. Enjoy the few years you have left and go out with a bang and not a whimper like most of us do.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yeah, I also have a "limit". Like, I never wanted to pass the age of 30, I knew that when I became suicidal for the first time in my life, which happened when I was 14 years old. I never wanted to become an adult and I always found becoming old repulsive in a way - and I definitely would consider myself to be an old person if I ever turned 30, simply because it's more than enough for me. I just didn't like the idea of living and surviving for so many years. I can't even fathom how being 40, 50 or 60 feels like, it totally blows my mind. I'm 25 years old now and nothing changed, really - I still hope that 30 is my absolute limit because every year that is added to my age basically also means more suffering and more pain. I mean, most people would consider me to be a young, healthy person but I feel old, actually. I feel exhausted and squeezed out and that seems to be very unusual for people my age. Most of the people in my age study or work, they have plans for families, careers, travel, want to build a house and then there is me, just being a retiree, depending on financial support from my welfare and disability insurance - and that's it. And people expect me to live another 25 years? Maybe even more? No, I'm good.

 

[Anxietykillsme]

I'm 20 right now, but my age limit would probably be 21. Hoping for it to be before then, just waiting for the right time.

 

[TheRaul95]

Thought of living short life till 30. Old age is like a taboo. But am here, 25 years old and stopped "living" few years ago...

 

[TAW122]

I do have an age limit, but it's far, far into the future, like beyond 50-60 and it's not an absolute hard cap, but more as a reference and guideline. The most important factors are quality of life, situation in life (as of current), and other causes. If I do CTB, it would be after I have absolutely decided that life is beyond tenable and that I have exhausted just about every means to be happy with no interest in seeing the possibility of things getting better. With respect to getting better, sometimes even "getting better" isn't necessarily sufficient for everyone, especially if the effort, cost, and returns aren't worth it. Of course, everyone's criterion for sticking around or CTB'ing is personal and subjective, just as is mine.

In an ideal world where suppose I have everything I could ever want, my needs more than taken care of, little to no responsibility, and more, while I may not CTB at a young age or sooner than later, I'd still wish to CTB because the idea of immortality doesn't fancy me. Also, there is something called boredom which will one day catch up to me.

 

[pentobarbitaldreams]

I've been somewhat suicidal since I was 11 and it's only been getting worse over the years. I've had this idea for the past few years that I'd kill myself when I'm 18. I'm 18 now and making a plan.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I'm hoping to CTB before the age of 20, I have till Jan to do this... found my method so just need a time to be by myself - this lockdown is ruining my plans.

 

[sourcreamonion]

I'm going to CTB the moment I graduate from university, which I will be 24-years-old. And it may seem useless, however, it's a huge "fuck you" to my parents who used me as a pawn throughout my whole life. Try controlling my decisions when I'm dead.

 

[KibblesNBits]

I'm going to CTB the moment I graduate from university, which I will be 24-years-old. And it may seem useless, however, it's a huge "fuck you" to my parents who used me as a pawn throughout my whole life. Try controlling my decisions when I'm dead.

I'm older than you and not a student but I feel this. I have Asperger's and never had any control over any fucking decision I ever made and am having so much happen to me that is beyond my control. If I manage to take my life, it will be the ultimate form of taking control over my shitty life for the first and final time.

 

[TowerUpright]

I had one I shared with a close friend about not living until I'm 30, but actually forgot about it until I reconnected with her 20 years later.

At this point, im not setting an age. Clearly, it didn't help me at all.

 

[lovelypirategirl]

Yeah, I also have a "limit". Like, I never wanted to pass the age of 30, I knew that when I became suicidal for the first time in my life, which happened when I was 14 years old. I never wanted to become an adult and I always found becoming old repulsive in a way - and I definitely would consider myself to be an old person if I ever turned 30, simply because it's more than enough for me. I just didn't like the idea of living and surviving for so many years. I can't even fathom how being 40, 50 or 60 feels like, it totally blows my mind. I'm 25 years old now and nothing changed, really - I still hope that 30 is my absolute limit because every year that is added to my age basically also means more suffering and more pain. I mean, most people would consider me to be a young, healthy person but I feel old, actually. I feel exhausted and squeezed out and that seems to be very unusual for people my age. Most of the people in my age study or work, they have plans for families, careers, travel, want to build a house and then there is me, just being a retiree, depending on financial support from my welfare and disability insurance - and that's it. And people expect me to live another 25 years? Maybe even more? No, I'm good.

Hello dear RainAndSadness,

I'm sorry that you feel that way and at some point I can relate. In my case it's not that I feel like old... I just feel so tired I can't accomplish simple goals, and my family thinks that I'm just lazy. It's hard to explain, but I've zero energy.

I send you a hug and if you ever need to talk, please feel free to send me a message.

Love,

LPG

 

[lovelypirategirl]

I've been somewhat suicidal since I was 11 and it's only been getting worse over the years. I've had this idea for the past few years that I'd kill myself when I'm 18. I'm 18 now and making a plan.

I'm sorry you've been suicidal since you were a kid, unfortunately it's also my case
Whatever you choose, I hope you finally find peace.

Love,

LPG

 

[DumbBoi]

19, planning on doing it at either 20 or 25
Spent dealing with this emptiness and overall sense of being trapped and fated to end it this way since I was young, first attempt at 14, so I lived my life in accordance with the idea that it would end this way, which then trapped me even further. I wasn't quite prepared for how that lifestyle would cripple me once I was out of school so instead of simply going for when I was too tired to continue I opted to go with a goal for 20 when I was 18, letting me get about 2 more years of living to die giving me freedom and the ability to branch out online to get as much as I could get before ending it at 20
Now that my 20th is coming up in a couple of months, ive connected more with people online, which has equally made me both have something to strive for to help them as much as I can before leaving while also pressuring me to want to sever ties with them to get to it because my issues only worsened, just got more distractions, so as a result ive also set aside my 25th if i keep pushing forward for another day to be around for them more or if this next attempt fails

 

[Bct]

Will be 27 at the end of this year, and decided I want to die at 27 at the latest also for the same reason as yours. Can't imagine what's my life around 30s when my current life looks hopeless.

 

[Despondent]

Before I turn nineteen and that's in less than two months. I have my work cut out for me

 

[Kevin_theFrog]

Lol thought up a limit when I was 16,and decided that if i won't change or it won't get better I'll end my life at 18. Ended up crying all day cuz of that mindset so I cut that shit out and decided to come back to it once I don't need to regain my composure anymore. Cuz can you imagine crying at that age in public while everyone can see you? You'd be the pissing stock of the age XD.

Anyway I'm 20 now and I'm fucking my life up once again after gaining a 2nd/3rd chance actually :). So as you can guess things are going pretty well atm in my life XD.
Then again it's my own choice that will follow the consequences, so If I end up dying then I know it's all a result of my actions :D

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'd say 40, but I've been feeling suicidal since 30, and back then I just wanted to complete a bucket list, which pathetically enough consisted of playing the new Broken Sword game, and seeing what all the fuss was about with Game of Thrones. This led me to gaming and binge watching shows for a few years to come, as I drank heavily, and binge ate takeaway food, as I figured I didn't really need to worry about my health. So I could see myself saying 'what about 45?' And then 'what about 50?'

In the same vein, I relish having choice. There's a certain pleasure in the power to have control over destiny. I'm not pressuring myself with a date or an age. I'll go out like I lived, following my intuition and my desires. When I feel strongly and consistently enough that it's my time I'll take action, and as with most things, there's only a certain amount of informed trial and error possible before inevitable success.

 

[lovelypirategirl]

Hello dear SpottedPanda,

First of all, it's nice to read you again :)

I agree, having control in destiny is indeed pleasurable and in my case it gives me certain amount of peace.

I also like your point of view in just following your intuition.

Hugs,

LPG

Will be 27 at the end of this year, and decided I want to die at 27 at the latest also for the same reason as yours. Can't imagine what's my life around 30s when my current life looks hopeless.

Hello dear BCT,

Thank you for reading my post :) I've been thinking about this in the past few days. I'll hurry to fix all my legal problems, so I don't leave a mess for my sister and family, and probably will be able to CTB before I turn 28.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to send me a private message :)

 

[Bct]

Hello dear BCT,

Thank you for reading my post :) I've been thinking about this in the past few days. I'll hurry to fix all my legal problems, so I don't leave a mess for my sister and family, and probably will be able to CTB before I turn 28.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to send me a private message :)

Hello lovelypirategirl. Wish your legal problems can be fixed soon. Hopefully you could CTB before turn to 28.

Thanks a lot for your offering. Sadly I still feel lonely & not relieved even after talked to various people :/

 

[Stavrogin]

I've got 12 months left to go.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm working on an ASAP basis with suicide tbh. I may only be 18 but I hate life and I am not really interested in getting better.

 

[heraclitus]

I've reached 60 with numerous (failed) attempts behind me. From the outside my life seems ok - a decent job, a loving wife, a decent education - but my life path has killed my dreams trying to support my wife to live her life. I wake up each morning further away from who I want to be.

Have I set a limit? Every new moon I set a limit; by the new moon something has happened to stall me. Now, though, most everything is ready - paperwork (paperwork - I feel for you, lovelypirategirl), money to support my wife.

I shall be gone before New Year 2021. If I can get back to Europe then I plan to head along the Camino Real and get lost in the Pyrenees, above Roncevalles. Exposure in such beauty would be my chosen way to die.

"En una noche oscura,
con ansias, en amores inflamada,
¡oh dichosa ventura!,
salí sin ser notada
estando ya mi casa sosegada."

I hope you soon deal with your legal issues lovelypirategirl and make your house quiet!