Venting Seriously thinking about CTB

[InigoDeux40]

Hey, I just wanted to express some thoughts and feelings that have been weighing me down. Over the past few years, my mental health has been deteriorating, and it's gotten worse than ever before. I never ever felt this bad. It feels like everything is pointless and useless, nothing makes sense, there's not any short of enjoyment, the future is trash and I have no energy or motivation to carry on, but you not longer feel sadness, but a strange acceptance of an impending doom, you just don't care.

I've been contemplating a way out, but one of my biggest obstacles is that I don't live alone. I'm willing to wait a bit longer, get a job, and move out so I can have the peace I need to make this decision. However, I sometimes feel trapped because of my overwhelming parents. They make me believe that I can't take care of myself, but deep down, I know that's just part of a trauma and not the reality, but is still hard to grasp and it just infuriating.

This is why I sometimes think I might just handle this in my own home or a hotel room but I don't want to involving more people. Those who claim that suicide is an easy way out are completely mistaken and deserve a punch in the face. I have a method in mind that I don't really want to try, but it keeps haunting my thoughts. I've even attempted it before, but only on one side (I attempted to cut my wrist a few years ago).

I'm aware of the dangers, which is why I'm looking for a 'safer' but private way (that I can do in my room) to approach this. I know it's a heavy topic, but sometimes it helps to let it out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence and I really wish it's not so unnecessarily difficult to die, I wish that suicide actually is as straightforward as just choosing to never wake, it'd be such a relief for me. To me it's really insensitive when people insist that suicide is always something so easy, but anyway I wish you the best.