selfish to ctb while in a relationship?

[39hatsune]

TBH, I understand how you feel but in my situation I'm married.

I constantly have a lot of guilt because of my desire to not be here anymore. I am trying.. I'm in therapy, I see a psychiatrist, I go to doctors, etc. But the feeling doesn't go away.

I feel like a terrible person because of this.

My husband knows that I don't want to be here. He's called me selfish and that I don't love him because of it. He says that if he had my chronic illnesses and chronic pain 24/7, he wouldn't want to leave me. While, my physical pains make me not want to fight anymore.

To be honest, sometimes I wish he can just leave me. . So I could finally just euthanize myself from my disabilities somewhere alone.

So I feel trapped and stuck here in my prison and painful body because I'm married. . . I can't work due to being disabled, so I have no money to divorce or free my husband from me. :/

If you want to CTB so bad, I suggest you should break up with your partner (It's easier because you're not married). That or if you want emotional support, communicate that with your partner.

so sorry for your situation, hoping it gets easier for you soon :(