Self hate. Anyone else?

[xxpinkmoonglitterxx]

I quit my job because I couldn't handle it mentally and now I could become homeless. I have to be high (on pot) to leave the house or else I'm too anxious to leave. I'm the reason my life sucks. I know that. I'm a worthless loser. I hate myself. I wondered if others struggle with such strong self hatred? I'm anxious even typing this because I don't want to bother anyone. Fuck it. I'm a burden anyways.

 

[uguufo]

I can only speak for myself, but I've hated myself for pretty much all my life, it's an extremely difficult feeling to grapple with sometimes. I'm sorry you feel that too.

 

[tora]

I'm going through a really similar thing :( my job is destroying my mental health and I think about quitting everyday, but if I do I'd go homeless instantly.
I'm the reason my life sucks too; my anxiety is too severe for me to do anything alone and I totally depend on my family to help me with things I should be able to do myself by now.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish I could give you advice, but I don't know how to stop being a burden either. just know you're not alone in feeling this; there's lots of us worthless losers just doing our best to keep going and figure life out.

 

[Zegers]

The situation makes me have this hatred.

 

[Huntfish34]

Yepp, right there with you.... Immense self hatred on a daily, continuous, and constant basis. It's Fckn insane, almost downright soul crushing.

I recently quit my job as well, for resentments and my anxiety / depression. Shit sucks..... Life on life's terms. -

I wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen.

 

[deleted442]

Me too
Me too

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Im sorry you can relate/feel such strong self hate.

I relate to the feeling of even being hesitant to type. When my self hatred is that deep I feel the same. Im not usually so interactive online bc of it. Lately I've been feelin a lil less self hate or maybe less care I dunno. I haven't left the house beside ubering to get my medication in awhile... like a week or 2... which ik isn't good for me but it's just an exhausting hypervigilant experience going outside and I don't have the energy. Plus the level of self hate makes it very uncomfortable.

I will offer this lil piece of personal perspective and feel free to disregard it completely. We are never as much of a burden as we think we are. In the sense that imo I think its just about being in.the wrong spaces. Like I'll always be a burden to my family but I'll never be a burden like that to my "chosen family"/friends... (Ss included)
At the very least you are def not a burden here on this website

 

[KarmaBus]

Your post is very relatable. I didn't used to hate myself, now my self hatred grows immensely with each passing day.

You are not alone.

 

[TooConscious]

The longer i go on the more I hate myself for going on. So many years I tortured myself with false hope and promises. Just like other people. Everyone is scum.

 

[FrostedHoax]

Yes, I hate myself everyday for all the stupid things I've said and done as well as my inability to not let my life completely spiral and collapse all around me. I feel like a complete burden to my parents and sister, I wish my parents had just stopped trying. It feels like the universe was just giving them constant signs and answers that they never should've brought me into this world and that I'd just end up being a blight on their life.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Oh I'm sorry that you have this self hatred - Have you tried to get a therapist that will help you with how to deal this ???

I mean everyone in the world has insecurities and it's okay to have them but that can still be something that you can speak with your therapist about so that they can give you advice and ways to embrace them.

You are worthy and pleas be kind to yourself and the love you will give to yourself will be the biggest love of all and that love will be unconditional love.

I wish you the best with what you end up deciding to do.

 

[love_peep]

im tired im so useless and stupid and also lazy person and i have a depression i hate my self every fucking day but im afraid of that people which try to save me from my ctb stop me when i try ctb

 

[beige_wasteland]

I am here also. Hating myself sucks but at the same time I deserve it because of how crappy of a person I am.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

yes I hate myself so severely, nothing anyone can say about me that I haven't already thought of myself. It's a terrible way to live. I'm so sorry we are suffering like this.

 

[xXAJBXx]

I hate myself so much. I can't look at myself in the mirror and know that I'm such a pathetic excuse of a human.

I neglect myself because I think I deserve it. I shower maybe only once a week, live with my parents as Im not at all confident in my mental capacities. I have minimal self control. I'm paranoid as fuck and skeptical of everyone who even remotely tries to be friendly. I yell at myself to lower my guard, but its just not something I can do.

Convinced myself from a young age I'm unlovable. Wasnt diagnosed with aspergers until I was 19, so k-12 was a struggle. Not only did my parents not know how to teach me. But I was genuinely convinced there was something wrong with my own personal thoughts and outlook on life.

what started as unhelpful criticism of myself turned to basically bullying. I haven't found a way past it, and I doubt I ever will.

 

[Fr0sty]

Looking back at myself now I realize that nothing I have ever done have I deserved. I was a "gifted" kid in school and basically just coasted off of learning the material after a brief look-through. Once I got into high school everything started falling apart for me. I was SA'd from the age of 4 to 11 and the only thing that really kept me going was the fact that I made my family proud because I could just coast through school with no problem. I was not able to keep up with the workload and difficulty of the work and in order to try and stay ahead of the curve I would cheat off of and ask my friends for answers constantly. I would also lean on my friends heavily for emotional support and overshared constantly. I know that they found me difficult to deal with and only talked to me out of pity. Despite knowing all of this I couldn't stop. I never gave anything back in return and I just took from them, like a leech. Freshman year I started to SH and I know now that this was a good decision to make. The blood and the scars is only a small recompense for what I've done, but it is all I have. The best thing I could do would be to CTB and to relieve the burden that I put on everyone around me.

 

[ggetout33]

Yeah. I hate myself for a lot of things. I struggle to see what others see in me.

Hearing about how you quit your job. 6 months ago I quit a help desk job cause I couldn't stand the bullshit. I didn't have a backup plan and it's been biting me in the ass every day. I don't have a car, and so my job prospects went from slim to damn near nothing. I always planned to CTB once the money runs out.

 

[kindalone]

Yes, self-hatred has always been a constant struggle for me. It often feels as though I need to punish myself by deliberately making my life more miserable. Perhaps this explains why I frequently engage in self-sabotage.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I quit my job because I couldn't handle it mentally and now I could become homeless. I have to be high (on pot) to leave the house or else I'm too anxious to leave. I'm the reason my life sucks. I know that. I'm a worthless loser. I hate myself. I wondered if others struggle with such strong self hatred? I'm anxious even typing this because I don't want to bother anyone. Fuck it. I'm a burden anyways.

Some similarities between me and you...

I was in medical school was the victim of crimes by the school (PUMS), was forced out etc......

Everyone abandoned me I guess I just must be a massively shitty person I don't know. The best job I could get despite having a good undergrad degree was making 22.78 an hour making medical equipment with medical school loans I cannot even afford an apartment.... I finally quit tonight because I couldn't handle it. Put a tube on an object then slapping a sticker on it over and over and over and over again while people call me retarted. Like Fuck my life. I don't deserve that. So yeah I guess despite spending my life working my ass off I am a loser too. Just a giant piece of shit. I hate everyone but I think I hate myself most of all. I just hate everything.

For the record @xxpinkmoonglitterxx you aren't a burden. If you want to talk with someone send me a PM.