Venting Self-harm

[Stargazing:<]

I'm developing a self harm issue. I've been using SH as a way to cope with the current ongoings in my life. I've now cut my inner thighs, upper arms, lower arms and left fingers. I wish I had never cut but now that I've opened this box it feels like I have some form of freedom from my black hole of a life. I have steady supply of razor blades because of my job and I don't think I'll be able to stop. Just before writing this I found another blade (because I left my other one in at home) and the overwhelming pit of joy I felt when my eyes locked on to the blade was kinda alarming. -

 

[Her's]

Anything that helps you aliviate these sorrow feelings is valid.
But always remember depending on how deep you cut, those scars can be lifelong lasting, and as you have stated:

I've been using SH as a way to cope with the current ongoings in my life.

Those current ongoing could be temporary (and hopefully they are) and you might not want to deal with those scars forever.
I hope everything goes alright for you, wishing the best for you!
If you ever want to talk DM's are open.
Take care!

 

[Stargazing:<]

Those current ongoing could be temporary (and hopefully they are)

I wish it could be but it just combines with previous issues and makes everything worse.

 

[Acopia]

I've been SHing since I was 11.. I'm now nearly 30. The thing I found was I thought I could always control it. Keep it to one area of my body. I was wrong.
I feel for you. SHing although feels like a blessing at the time, soon turns into a curse. I both love and hate it at the same time.
Peace.
-A.

 

[Her's]

Awn damn, i imagine, still, whatever makes it more bareble, we never know, it always can be worth dealing with it, unfortunately only time can tell.
take care, wishing the best for you

 

[painpaingoaway]

Found this thread today.

I speak from my experience, SH is a slippery slope. I'm unfortunately addicted to it and I've been doing it every now and then for 18 years now.

I cook a lot at home, and sometimes I keep gazing at my beautiful knives and my thoughts are almost lascivious. But as much as I want to cut myself a whole lot more than I do, I can't. I have to hide it from my family. One of thd biggest fights I had with my wife was actually her scolding me after I accidentaly cut too deep and fainted, exposing my addiction.

I totally get the rush. I won't lie, I adore the endorphin rush and the pleasure I get from the pain. It was actually from SH that I discovered a masochistic side.

As with any addiction, the more you SH, the more you'll want and the more extreme you'll want to do.

For your own sake, try to resist these urges. Don't let a reward mechanism develop in your mind. The rush is good, not gonna lie, but the scars are forever. Every now and then I look at mine and get sad.