Venting Self harm // Urges

[irregularheartbeat]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm having really intense urges to self harm at this time, I want to so badly it's hard to breath.
I just can't, I'm living with my friends right now because they know I want to self harm and ctb, so they don't give me much time to myself to keep me safe. The bathroom door does not have a lock and we sit in with eachother. Asking for privacy will only raise suspition. I just want to harm so badly and its so deeply upsetting I can't. I have the razors in my bag, I can't stop thinking about this. It's been so bad with these urges all night. Every second since the last time a week ago really..

 

[AbandonedStudio]

It's okay to have these urges. What makes you want to self-harm?
For now, look for distractions like a hobby, talking to your friends, or venting as much as you like on this site. You can also pm me if you like.

 

[irregularheartbeat]

It's okay to have these urges. What makes you want to self-harm?
For now, look for distractions like a hobby, talking to your friends, or venting as much as you like on this site. You can also pm me if you like.

Im afraid it's not a small list of reasons, sometimes Im not even sure. It makes me feel real, I tend to not. It helps me cope with how overwhelming and over stimulating life is, sometimes it makes the hallucinations stop. Sometimes its out of impulsivness, or just for pleasure. It can be a punishment, or a reward. It helps me stay breathing, it makes the urge to ctb now rather than on my chosen date lessen.

Sadly all I can do is work towards coping skills until opportunity arrises. It should by tonight, I'm very determined today. I've been holding off for a few but I can't anymore

 

[AbandonedStudio]

Im afraid it's not a small list of reasons, sometimes Im not even sure. It makes me feel real, I tend to not. It helps me cope with how overwhelming and over stimulating life is, sometimes it makes the hallucinations stop. Sometimes its out of impulsivness, or just for pleasure. It can be a punishment, or a reward. It helps me stay breathing, it makes the urge to ctb now rather than on my chosen date lessen.

Sadly all I can do is work towards coping skills until opportunity arrises. It should by tonight, I'm very determined today. I've been holding off for a few but I can't anymore

No worries, it's okay to give in to the urges sometimes. I've struggled with self-harm myself for a long time, and I can relate to your reasons for wanting to harm. Don't be ashamed of harming yourself, we all cope with our struggles in our own way.
I hope you find another coping skill that works for you soon enough. I believe in you! :)

 

[irregularheartbeat]

No worries, it's okay to give in to the urges sometimes. I've struggled with self-harm myself for a long time, and I can relate to your reasons for wanting to harm. Don't be ashamed of harming yourself, we all cope with our struggles in our own way.
I hope you find another coping skill that works for you soon enough. I believe in you! :)

Thank you friend, I appreciate you. I'd like to find better ways to cope, but at the same time it's pointless. I'm trying to hold out until January, keeping myself busy until then will be very difficult Im not sure what else to do. I tend to be very ashamed of this though because of how everyone around me acts. Nobody understands that it's this or ctb right now, they just don't see it that way.

 

[pole]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm having really intense urges to self harm at this time, I want to so badly it's hard to breath.
I just can't, I'm living with my friends right now because they know I want to self harm and ctb, so they don't give me much time to myself to keep me safe. The bathroom door does not have a lock and we sit in with eachother. Asking for privacy will only raise suspition. I just want to harm so badly and its so deeply upsetting I can't. I have the razors in my bag, I can't stop thinking about this. It's been so bad with these urges all night. Every second since the last time a week ago really..

so sorry you feel this way.

i can completely relate when im feeling this way. i have the urge to cut and self harm (though i nevwr have actually cut before), but i live with my younger sisters and parents and though the house is fairly big, i just cant find the time or space to do it.

I also feel like im being suffocated, really reading what ur going through and knowing u feel the same type of hard time breathing, literally is making me have a time breathing lol. i usually feel like im choking, like someones literally suffocating me.

i try and do things, distract myself with video games, music or go out and surround myself with people.

for the breathing, i try and pace my breathing. if it gets really bad like it does for me, i suggest get up and walk around, maybe with music on. stand up, and walk around. usually when im having trouble breathing is when im stuck in one place, one position and im anxious and stressed.

hope any of this helps :( and i hope you feel better.

 

[irregularheartbeat]

so sorry you feel this way.

i can completely relate when im feeling this way. i have the urge to cut and self harm (though i nevwr have actually cut before), but i live with my younger sisters and parents and though the house is fairly big, i just cant find the time or space to do it.

I also feel like im being suffocated, really reading what ur going through and knowing u feel the same type of hard time breathing, literally is making me have a time breathing lol. i usually feel like im choking, like someones literally suffocating me.

i try and do things, distract myself with video games, music or go out and surround myself with people.

for the breathing, i try and pace my breathing. if it gets really bad like it does for me, i suggest get up and walk around, maybe with music on. stand up, and walk around. usually when im having trouble breathing is when im stuck in one place, one position and im anxious and stressed.

hope any of this helps :( and i hope you feel better.

Thank you very much, your kind words are very helpful.
Im sorry to hear that you can relate, however its incredibly comforting to know I'm not alone in suffocating. It's such a helpless feeling.
Yeah, it's crowded where I'm living as well. There's 3 of us sharing a bedroom atm, my two friends are engaged and they don't have a spare room in the house so I just fit in the middle. There's always someone around. Which is nice for the reasons I'm here, but not great for when I have these urges.
Stay strong my friend, if you haven't cut yet I suggest trying to avoid so. It's the worst addiction I've ever had and I really love alchohol and benzos lmao.
It looks like I'll have good opportunity tonight, one friend is going out tonight (Ironically to go hang out with her brother who Im in love with him and his wife but everythings fucked and complicated now and I miss them and not being able to go for a whike makes me REALLY sad) And my other friend is incredibly ill so she will probably be in bed. I'll most likely have some time to slip away. This brings me comfort

 

[EmptySteph62]

You're not alone. Self harm is incredibly difficult to quit, and what you're feeling is perfectly reasonable. I tried quitting this summer but I gave in a couple nights ago after things got so bad and I was so shaky and scared and hurting and I had to do it. The thing about quitting something is that it has to be your choice, not someone else's. And when it is your choice it often takes more than one try.
If you feel like you can't go without it, you could start with harming less and less and work your way up to quitting? If quitting isnt something you're looking to do at this point in time, I would suggest the bathroom while you're showering? You could do it in a place easy to hide and the shower water will clean up any blood.
Not encouraging self harm of course, just trying to offer advice to someone struggling, hope this helps.
Taking a really cold shower or letting ice cubes melt over the place you normally harm is something that has helped me in the past.

 

[irregularheartbeat]

You're not alone. Self harm is incredibly difficult to quit, and what you're feeling is perfectly reasonable. I tried quitting this summer but I gave in a couple nights ago after things got so bad and I was so shaky and scared and hurting and I had to do it. The thing about quitting something is that it has to be your choice, not someone else's. And when it is your choice it often takes more than one try.
If you feel like you can't go without it, you could start with harming less and less and work your way up to quitting? If quitting isnt something you're looking to do at this point in time, I would suggest the bathroom while you're showering? You could do it in a place easy to hide and the shower water will clean up any blood.
Not encouraging self harm of course, just trying to offer advice to someone struggling, hope this helps.
Taking a really cold shower or letting ice cubes melt over the place you normally harm is something that has helped me in the past.

Im at an odd place with wanting to quit. On one hand I know it would be a good thing to work towards, but on the other I plan on ctb in January so quitting bad vices until then just feels pointless honestly. I do like the shower idea, thank you for that because I hadn't thought of that!
I don't feel temperature normally due to an auto immune disorder so sadly it doesn't work for helping with those urges. It does help with anxiety or dissociation, but I can't feel cold right at all.

 

[EmptySteph62]

Im at an odd place with wanting to quit. On one hand I know it would be a good thing to work towards, but on the other I plan on ctb in January so quitting bad vices until then just feels pointless honestly. I do like the shower idea, thank you for that because I hadn't thought of that!
I don't feel temperature normally due to an auto immune disorder so sadly it doesn't work for helping with those urges. It does help with anxiety or dissociation, but I can't feel cold right at all.

I'm glad I was able to help a bit! And yeah I understand the feeling of it being pointless. Still, maybe it's worth a shot? It's your choice my friend, good luck to you whatever you choose to do!

 

[scorpiooo2]

I know what it's like to have these awful and horrible urges. I relapsed about a month ago and have been stopped cutting for a few days and I am trying my best to stop.

My methods to cope with the urges aren't healthy either so I can't really give advice.

But my best would be to tell you that even though you want to self harm so bad, you have to distract yourself. I know you've probably heard it so many times before but you really have to try your best. Confide in your friends. It helps to talk about it to someone you trust that's not going to turn around and alert the authorities that they think you're going to CTB.

I wish you the best.