Discussion Self-harm is now being seen as 'attention-seeking'

[Dino_flower]

These are one of the things that dig out my wrath, and unfortunately, this has become the new word of 'comfort' that suicidal people hear. I happened to overhear a conversation(I know I wasn't supposed to be eavesdropping but they were incredibly loud) which involved the discussion of self-harm being 'stupid' and because apparently if you're suicidal, you wouldn't let people know how much you're struggling, so deliberately creating scars on your body is pointless and dumb. Now, something that we all can agree on is that the point of self-harm completely went over this person's head and they were shamelessly going on about it as if they were so right that even therapists would fear them. Mind you, if you're one of them, self-harm is in a way, a coping mechanism for a lot of us. People hurt themselves for various reasons, a lot of times due to self-loathe. It's when you hate yourself so much that you want to rip yourself apart into shreds but humanely can't so you have to rely on hitting yourself or going to the length of plunging sharp objects into your skin(which is devastating). Now think for a second, how much the person might be struggling with low self-esteem that they end up taking such measures. How much hatred they have in store for themselves that they want to hurt themselves. It's like two different people living in one body, fighting each other. One hates the other and wants to beat the other up, hence the body becomes the canvas of the fight's ruins. Please, for the love of anything, try to understand a topic before arguing over it. People don't choose to be victim or fall prey to certain difficulties, and no, you aren't smart or dumb for not choosing self-harm. It just happens to be the way a lot of people cope with their trauma, so please stop victim-blaming. I can't believe I even had to make this thread.

 

[lionetta12]

These are one of the things that dig out my wrath, and unfortunately, this has become the new word of 'comfort' that suicidal people hear. I happened to overhear a conversation(I know I wasn't supposed to be eavesdropping but they were incredibly loud) which involved the discussion of self-harm being 'stupid' and because apparently if you're suicidal, you wouldn't let people know how much you're struggling, so deliberately creating scars on your body is pointless and dumb. Now, something that we all can agree on is that the point of self-harm completely went over this person's head and they were shamelessly going on about it as if they were so right that even therapists would fear them. Mind you, if you're one of them, self-harm is in a way, a coping mechanism for a lot of us. People hurt themselves for various reasons, a lot of times due to self-loathe. It's when you hate yourself so much that you want to rip yourself apart into shreds but humanely can't so you have to rely on hitting yourself or going to the length of plunging sharp objects into your skin(which is devastating). Now think for a second, how much the person might be struggling with low self-esteem that they end up taking such measures. How much hatred they have in store for themselves that they want to hurt themselves. It's like two different people living in one body, fighting each other. One hates the other and wants to beat the other up, hence the body becomes the canvas of the fight's ruins. Please, for the love of anything, try to understand a topic before arguing over it. People don't choose to be victim or fall prey to certain difficulties, and no, you aren't smart or dumb for not choosing self-harm. It just happens to be the way a lot of people cope with their trauma, so please stop victim-blaming. I can't believe I even had to make this thread.

It's been viewed that way for quite many years, at least where I'm from.

 

[MidnightCat]

It's been viewed that way for quite many years, at least where I'm from.

It is seen like that here too, for at least 20+ years.

I don't SH now for fear of others finding out (It's difficult to hide it from wife) althought I miss it a lot.

But back when I used to do it, I've always used covered parts of my body as I didn't want anyone to see them. It did not always worked as blood sometimes can stain your trousers even when you bandaged it and the cuts where from a few days ago...

It's true some people do it for attention, but most people just need a way to "stop" their brains for a minute at least.

 

[Dino_flower]

It's been viewed that way for quite many years, at least where I'm from.

I agree, my hometown as well. I just thought it wasn't as common where I currently live, turns out I'm wrong.

 

[SamTam33]

They're wrong about self-harm, about why people commit suicide, about why people post here.

If society is this wrong about the major issues - imagine how wrong they are about everything else.

The stupidity on this planet is limitless.

Like when they say "If you REALLY want to commit suicide you'd do it," and the ones who talk about it only want attention.

So... if you wanted to make your second marriage work, you would've just done it, right?

If you really wanted to keep that house after the divorce, you would've found a way to pay the note on your own, right?

That's the logic; that we don't talk about things we want.... we just do them?

Since when? Tell me how no one talks about their aspirations and plans to anyone who will listen.

We know where our parents dream vacation would be. We know what our partner's dream car is. We know what our sister is naming her kids if she ever has any. How?

Because people talk about what's important to them.

We don't say to our parents that if they REALLY wanted to visit the South of France they would've done it already.

But that shit rolls off people's tongues when it comes to the suicidal. Why is that?

 

[rifle]

"I accidentally and against the will of this person learned that they mutilate their body. this fact made me very uncomfortable for reason I can't explain. how can I rationalize that and prove I'm the real victim here?" hmm

"suicide is such a big problem, if only we as a society helped them realize it's not their only option stop lying, btw, you are not actually suicidal" hmm

They're wrong about self-harm, about why people commit suicide, about why people post here.

If society is this wrong about the major issues - imagine how wrong they are about everything else.

ok dude i totally get you, but... suicide and self-harm are major issues in society, in your opinion? the society that always assumes everyone and everything wants to live because for most of them it's a universal experience inherent to existence? that society?

 

[Archness]

Those kinds of people are the worst. If you fail, they ridicule you as an attention seeker.
If you succeed, it's crickets or they virtue signal and speak about how much they care.
They're the kind of people who won't regret what they said, because they meant it in earnist.

In short : They want you to KYS just to not be a bother to them! I HATE them! It must feel like actually dying when they spit such trash.

 

[SamTam33]

ok dude i totally get you, but... suicide and self-harm are major issues in society, in your opinion? the society that always assumes everyone and everything wants to live because for most of them it's a universal experience inherent to existence? that society?

Suicide is a relatively minor issue when you look at the stats and occurrences. At least for the U.S.

By "major," I mean in terms of significance. It's literally a matter of life or death.

If their opinions are so blatantly incorrect about why people live or die - it's unlikely that all their other (less significant) opinions are magically accurate.

I.e., I doubt their ignorance begins and ends with their thoughts on suicide.

 

[Kurushii]

Back in school I had classmates that were like that. I just thought they don't understand at all, but I didn't bother to explain everything to them because.. why would I? Me just going against the norm would stigmatise me and it wouldn't be worth my time. It's funny how they think one wants attention from the scars but in reality one doesn't want attention at all from them. We just want to go on about our day, not seek attention from people who probably don't even care.

 

[UKscotty]

I think it depends case by case.

Certainly some of mine was attention seeking to hope someone would reach out to help.

You do see a lot post to Tiktok, youtube etc. and I think a lot of that is just attention seeking.

 

[vultureilse]

even if the person is doing it for attention then i dont get why thats seen as less valid. like if someone intentionally hurts themselves then i dont think it matters what their reasons are cause theyre very clearly struggling. if someone self harms for attention theres a deeper reason for that

 

[Forever Sleep]

They're wrong about self-harm, about why people commit suicide, about why people post here.

If society is this wrong about the major issues - imagine how wrong they are about everything else.

The stupidity on this planet is limitless.

Like when they say "If you REALLY want to commit suicide you'd do it," and the ones who talk about it only want attention.

So... if you wanted to make your second marriage work, you would've just done it, right?

If you really wanted to keep that house after the divorce, you would've found a way to pay the note on your own, right?

That's the logic; that we don't talk about things we want.... we just do them?

Since when? Tell me how no one talks about their aspirations and plans to anyone who will listen.

We know where our parents dream vacation would be. We know what our partner's dream car is. We know what our sister is naming her kids if she ever has any. How?

Because people talk about what's important to them.

We don't say to our parents that if they REALLY wanted to visit the South of France they would've done it already.

But that shit rolls off people's tongues when it comes to the suicidal. Why is that?

I think part of it is because they don't actually want us to talk about suicide... They say they do but they don't. They don't want to have to deal with it.

I wonder if a part of them would prefer it if we just did it- rather then show warning signs. (Obviously- they don't want us to do it either!) If it comes out of the blue- they can comfort themselves by saying it was an impulsive action. A moment of madness, mental illness. If we 'cried for help' and were either ignored- or- the help didn't work- perhaps there's more for them to feel guilty about. (I'm not saying they SHOULD feel guilty. Just that it's likely that they will. Especially if they knew about it but couldn't stop it.) I think in a way- it's more of a 'don't put this on me' statement rather than a- 'I don't believe you're going to go through with it...'

Regarding self harm. I'm sure it is just a desperate way of dealing with the pain inside. That said, I do know someone who once deliberately raised their trousers to show off their scars at a party. Maybe just my impression but they seemed to enjoy how uncomfortable it made people. I guess we're all different! That wasn't exactly a cry for help exactly but they did seem to want attention of some kind- horror and shock maybe. I was pretty young at the time. Still, I think the majority of people try to hide it.

 

[FuneralCry]

People like that just sound so insensitive and ignorant, I believe that it's true that many people in this world just make things worse when there is already enough suffering that exists. But anyway, people like that simply just don't understand so it's best to take no notice of them.

 

[Dino_flower]

They're wrong about self-harm, about why people commit suicide, about why people post here.

If society is this wrong about the major issues - imagine how wrong they are about everything else.

The stupidity on this planet is limitless.

Like when they say "If you REALLY want to commit suicide you'd do it," and the ones who talk about it only want attention.

So... if you wanted to make your second marriage work, you would've just done it, right?

If you really wanted to keep that house after the divorce, you would've found a way to pay the note on your own, right?

That's the logic; that we don't talk about things we want.... we just do them?

Since when? Tell me how no one talks about their aspirations and plans to anyone who will listen.

We know where our parents dream vacation would be. We know what our partner's dream car is. We know what our sister is naming her kids if she ever has any. How?

Because people talk about what's important to them.

We don't say to our parents that if they REALLY wanted to visit the South of France they would've done it already.

But that shit rolls off people's tongues when it comes to the suicidal. Why is that?

I couldn't agree more. The fact that it's immensely triggering to hear people blabber nonsense like they've done extensive research on the topic. From where I'm from, people who ctb get disrespected even after their death because people wonder why they were sad despite having 'lots' and that they're ungrateful. Many people are suicidal because they have to hear things like these on a daily basis, it's pretty obvious who's responsible for this.

even if the person is doing it for attention then i dont get why thats seen as less valid. like if someone intentionally hurts themselves then i dont think it matters what their reasons are cause theyre very clearly struggling. if someone self harms for attention theres a deeper reason for that

Yes, however, people outside this circle tend to view at as a negative thing. There's so much judgement and insensitivity towards this topic, it's insane.

 

[stormed lucky]

If 'they' judge its there problem. You do it for whatever reason you choose. I really believe that you cannot truly understand what 'self-harming ' is about unless you have done so, even if you express your thoughts about this.

 

[stormed lucky]

These are one of the things that dig out my wrath, and unfortunately, this has become the new word of 'comfort' that suicidal people hear. I happened to overhear a conversation(I know I wasn't supposed to be eavesdropping but they were incredibly loud) which involved the discussion of self-harm being 'stupid' and because apparently if you're suicidal, you wouldn't let people know how much you're struggling, so deliberately creating scars on your body is pointless and dumb. Now, something that we all can agree on is that the point of self-harm completely went over this person's head and they were shamelessly going on about it as if they were so right that even therapists would fear them. Mind you, if you're one of them, self-harm is in a way, a coping mechanism for a lot of us. People hurt themselves for various reasons, a lot of times due to self-loathe. It's when you hate yourself so much that you want to rip yourself apart into shreds but humanely can't so you have to rely on hitting yourself or going to the length of plunging sharp objects into your skin(which is devastating). Now think for a second, how much the person might be struggling with low self-esteem that they end up taking such measures. How much hatred they have in store for themselves that they want to hurt themselves. It's like two different people living in one body, fighting each other. One hates the other and wants to beat the other up, hence the body becomes the canvas of the fight's ruins. Please, for the love of anything, try to understand a topic before arguing over it. People don't choose to be victim or fall prey to certain difficulties, and no, you aren't smart or dumb for not choosing self-harm. It just happens to be the way a lot of people cope with their trauma, so please stop victim-blaming. I can't believe I even had to make this thread.

Spot on!!

 

[SilentSuicidal]

People are fast to say "mental health matters" and "I support you" until it comes to the ugliness of it in which they just decide to dismiss it by calling it "attention seeking" . People are so shallow and understand so little. It just makes me so mad.

 

[Versailles]

Those kinds of people are the worst. If you fail, they ridicule you as an attention seeker.
If you succeed, it's crickets or they virtue signal and speak about how much they care.

This true is really sad
Being suicidal is synonymous with attracting attention, everyone will prefer to keep their distance from you, you will be some kind of freak or worse, a possible criminal

In sadder cases, you will be seen as an embarrassment to your relatives.

People are fast to say "mental health matters" and "I support you" until it comes to the ugliness of it in which they just decide to dismiss it by calling it "attention seeking" . People are so shallow and understand so little. It just makes me so mad.

Phrases like "we care about mental health" are just facades that society uses to hide how cruel it can be to us

 

[Archness]

Phrases like "we care about mental health" are just facades that society uses to hide how cruel it can be to us

This. Society is all virtue signal, all mask, and all fake. People care and are nice as "necessary", but won't hold back when they don't care at the moment. Mother could be nice, she could even love, yet decided it's OK to be so hostile to me since I was a small child! Always on the lookout for reasons to scold and shout, so she could offload all her stress, frustration, and anger. She only got even more pissed when I myself got angry and unruly.

All because young me was probably the only person she could do that to without repercussions.

 

[LastFlowers]

It's true some people do it for attention, but most people just need a way to "stop" their brains for a minute at least.

Yea some people definitely do it for attention.
Although I guess the argument that comes about where that's concerned is that even those people must have something amiss if they're resorting to that for attention.
(I'm still not sure where I land as far as whether I agree with that explanation or not.)

You also have to take age into account, younger people are far more likely to engage in this behavior because they lack foresight and don't realize the consequences..like the fact that the attention they may end up getting won't always be good, after awhile you will have to deal with unflattering assumptions and when you can't hide the scars..people are going to assume things.

I draw the line when people start planning their self harm and posting pictures of it.
That's a level of attention seeking that has gone too far.

My own past with this began with furious but less severe cuts that I don't think left any mark when I was younger (more about wanting to leave my body and getting rid of it..if that makes any sense), then one or two incidents in particular (a long time ago) with broken glass where I did some permanent damage in the spur of the moment after dealing with so many stressors and hostility that I just snapped and reacted like a cornered animal attacking itself, as I was unable to attack the aggressors.
I haven't done anything like that since.
Even though my life has only gotten worse.

Now the only things that end up happening are during fits of absolute despair and rage where I want so desperately to escape my situation and my body that I end up grasping at it, digging my nails in and ripping and such.
That type of thing. (Rather than knowingly doing it with some type of object.)
I usually don't realize I'm doing it until I start to calm down or am somehow able to direct my attention to what my hands are doing.
A lot of this happens in my sleep as well (if I am even able to fall asleep) I end up writhing like crazy and wake up constantly in odd positions with my hands and arms twisted or balled up into fists, nail marks on my body..same with my legs and feet..I've inadvertently scratched the backs of my legs and ankles with my own short toenails somehow, very deep cuts just from whatever struggle my body is acting out, clashing into itself.
The stress is just too much.
My predicament does not let up.
It's torture.
I can't even have peace when I'm passed out.
I can't wait for this all to be over.

All because young me was probably the only person she could do that to without repercussions.

My parents still do this regardless of my age.
The aspects of my situation that they claim to be the cause for their frustration are the very same things that allow them to feel so comfortable lashing out at me or being just plain cruel in other ways.

They would never get away with that with my other siblings, nor anyone else really.
And they wouldn't dare treat me the way they have, if I wasn't stuck in this waking nightmare that I did not choose.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

I ended up getting a tattoo to cover it up on my one are because I got sick of people asking what happened to my arm or being rude or laughing about it now all I get is cool tattoo

 

[pyroxenic]

Worst part when people find about that someone self-harms rarely are they met with empathy and patience. These people are in crisis and what first thing comes to their mind is to talk to them with anger and call the ones who self-harm "childish" and "attention-seeking"? Self-harm is used the same way someone might use alcohol and drugs to escape pain. And people are suprised mental health is declining?