Self Discipline

[fleetingnight]

This is about sh, not suicide. Someone please let me know if posting it here is wrong, since this is for suicide discussion. I want to vent about it, but didn't want to draw so much attention to myself in chat.

I want to sh to punish myself for a few stupid things I did today, but one of those things included sh, but involuntarily. Does it count as a punishment, or am I rewarding myself with the relief and sense of satisfaction it gives me? Am I just giving myself an excuse to stop feeling guilty? I tell myself that even if I like the pain, it's still a punishment, because at least being forced to wear long sleeves/pants in the summer is a form of punishment, but I don't know if I'm just making an excuse. I feel like I want to right now. So, if I sh, that's giving me what I want, and it's like a reward instead, right? I don't know what to do. I'm sorry again if this isn't appropriate to post here, just let me know if so, and I won't do it again.

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Whether its reward or punishment, I think you don't need to be too hard on yourself and punish yourself.
I believe you suffer from chronic pain right? that is enough of a punishment to last a life time, so I wouldn't want you to suffer or be in any more pain.

Of course it is your body and choice, but just mu opinion. Unless self harm causes your physical pain to distract yourself from mental pain I guess some people see the benefit in that

 

[fleetingnight]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Whether its reward or punishment, I think you don't need to be too hard on yourself and punish yourself.
I believe you suffer from chronic pain right? that is enough of a punishment to last a life time, so I wouldn't want you to suffer or be in any more pain.

Of course it is your body and choice, but just mu opinion. Unless self harm causes your physical pain to distract yourself from mental pain I guess some people see the benefit in that

Thank you. It's kind of true about chronic pain, but I almost wish it was worse at times like this.

Sh can have different effects on me at different times, I guess it depends on my mental state. I don't really get how that works, but it's how it is, for some reason. It can make me feel better, like I'm expressing my feelings and relieving myself of them, or make me feel worse, because of the pain.

Thank you for the nice comments, though, I always appreciate them<3

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

I also sh as well, although to me I think I am harming myself for a pretty valid reason, lol. I wear shorts over tights under a skirt so it gets really exhausting sometimes. I get how you feel. Watching the blood flow out is pretty satisfying, so I was also considering whether I should keep doing it, but the parts where I cut myself do flame up a bit, so I consider that part of the punishment. Obviously, I'm not going to encourage sh, just I felt like I have someone to relate to me, is all.

 

[fleetingnight]

I might break down and do it today. I genuinely want to do it, it would feel relieving for me right now. (That's only because I've been SHing for many years. I don't recommend starting it if you haven't yet, it doesn't help for a long time imo.) I keep getting sick from wearing long sleeves in the heat, so giving myself no other option is a bit of a punishment, maybe that can make up for the relief I feel. I don't want to do me any favors, they don't deserve it.