The main reason I ever have suicidal thoughts is because of the current environment and the people in it. The best alternative solution is to start a new life, to get away from those people and meet new people. It really sucks so much, when I try to seek help from new people and become exposed to new environments, and those people are forced to relay messages from the very people that I am trying to escape from. It almost feels like I am being dragged back down to hell. Once these people are done relaying messages, they start insulting me, taking advantage of me, and treating me like a lesser person.
Sometimes I try not to believe that this is real and I keep trying to escape and seek help from new sources, but it all runs the same. At this point, I cannot trust anyone with anything, or share my deepest feelings because I will later get shit for it. Sometimes I need a complete stranger to speak to, without the input of someone that I fucking hate or know from my past, like my parents or old roommates. It's just really fucked up to hear from them because I fucking hate their guts.
I think it's wise for me to not seek assistance from anyone anymore. I have never felt more confused and unsatisfied emotionally in life as I have today. I am fucking scared and paranoid. It feels like I will never meet anyone new or know anyone without them being forced to relay messages from people who I do not give a fuck about.
There is nothing I could say or do to make this stop but to just keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and hope that things will change.
Sometimes I try not to believe that this is real and I keep trying to escape and seek help from new sources, but it all runs the same. At this point, I cannot trust anyone with anything, or share my deepest feelings because I will later get shit for it. Sometimes I need a complete stranger to speak to, without the input of someone that I fucking hate or know from my past, like my parents or old roommates. It's just really fucked up to hear from them because I fucking hate their guts.
I think it's wise for me to not seek assistance from anyone anymore. I have never felt more confused and unsatisfied emotionally in life as I have today. I am fucking scared and paranoid. It feels like I will never meet anyone new or know anyone without them being forced to relay messages from people who I do not give a fuck about.
There is nothing I could say or do to make this stop but to just keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and hope that things will change.
