Story Seeking attention? Say your suicidal.

[Housefly]

I am mostly introverted and don't talk about my problems at all much. If a person in my real life asks "I'm fine, nothing is wrong. I just like to be on my own, I don't want to talk".

I broke that rule twice, first with my parents about wanting to drop out of university. I bawled my eyes out, I was losing weight really quickly, I manic bleached and dyed my hair pink until I was too worn to care for it and my hair was falling out. I buzzed it all off... "That's because you don't pray enough, you should read the Bible more".

Next was with a social worker years later who used to be my teacher in highschool, she has some sort of background that she knows me and can see that I was genuinely asking for help. She smiled and asked why, I told her why and said that I was just seeking attention.

Seeking attention. That's what I was doing. I quit therapy and meds for a year and in that year I got fired from my first job and I quit the next one. I got temp banned on Reddit for ranting. Lurked on ss but I wasn't that bad was I? I just have to wait out the depression and I'll be fine. But this time it kept going. Every day the smog and brain fog. Functioning on auto pilot and I don't remember any of it. I don't know how I did it.

I'm back in therapy and on meds, I feel like I got the same indifferent "why do you want to die", I lose my train of thought and can't answer well. Why does nobody believes me? What did I do? Am I not worth helping?

The answer is no. Nothing is very different about me and if I want to I can just go. Give me strength for I am a coward.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

You are worth helping, no doubt about that. The sad reality is that a lot of people are completely incapable of providing support when someone is struggling or suffering, either because they've never gone through a similar situation, or because they have bizarre ideas that are not helpful at best and actively harmful at worst.

In a way, telling someone that you're suicidal is seeking attention. That's kind of the point, isn't it? If you didn't want someone to pay attention to what you're going through, you wouldn't say a word. It's baffling when I hear people say, after someone kills themselves, that "they should've reached out", but when someone says they're having suicidal thoughts, they're "seeking attention."

Just know that, if people have failed to help you, it's their failure and not yours. It doesn't mean you're not worthy of help, or that you deserve to struggle. I'm just some random stranger on the Internet, but I believe you and I believe you are worth it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that.

 

[unnormal9]

You are worth helping, no doubt about that. The sad reality is that a lot of people are completely incapable of providing support when someone is struggling or suffering, either because they've never gone through a similar situation, or because they have bizarre ideas that are not helpful at best and actively harmful at worst.

In a way, telling someone that you're suicidal is seeking attention. That's kind of the point, isn't it?

No. It's just like saying I'm hungry, or I'm sleepy. It's a feeling, not 'may I have your attention please.'

 

[unexplainedExplorer]

ppl expect you to answer "why do you want to die" with something completely coherent and """reasonable.""" like no sweetie i just wanna kill myself. and you telling me i'm "seeking attention" makes it so much worse.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Why does nobody believes me? What did I do? Am I not worth helping?

I saw on another thread that you shared where you're from. Being from the same region, I want to offer a perspective on this. I know that there are so many different countries with vastly different cultures making up where we're from, but in certain ways, we share a culture between countries that unite us as a region. A big feature of that, to me, has always been the dismissal of mental health and mental illnesses in the name of religion. We're "demonic" when we show our symptoms, and we "don't have enough faith in [insert any god here]" when we inevitably don't get any better. Worst case scenario, we become someone on the streets that people record and laugh at, throw things at and take advantage of. I've seen it virtually everywhere. Unfortunately for us this is an attitude that bleeds even into our mental health institutions and workers' attitudes. We're treated more like actual demons and animals than people who need help. It's not your fault that they don't want to, or are not equipped right now to, help you. You still deserve the help.

I got a lot of shit for talking about things, too. I got called attention seeking and dumb even from my mom when I opened up to her about my diagnoses and the meds I had to take. It took me a long time to save up for those sessions and medications. It took me years to build up the courage to even get over the stigma of needing to see someone. I had to work so much but even so, after that, I completely shut down and stopped going to my therapist or psychiatrist, took the rest of my meds until the prescription ran out and just let myself go completely. It wasn't worth it being an attention seeker, so I get what you're feeling. Now I'm the one with a buzz cut, lol, and I don't want to take care of myself at all anymore. It's so sad to me that I couldn't heal at home. It's even sadder that you're going through something similar, pushing against a culture that wants to stuff you into the margins. I'm really sorry about that but it really is not either of our faults that we get treated this way.

They want us to justify our reasons because they don't believe in the very thing they studied to get in those seats and make the money they make, and I think that's sick. Not us. The general attitude toward the mentally ill is the issue, not us.

It took me shopping through a bunch of different councilors and therapists who only preached to me about God before I found a psychiatrist who actually offered a logical ear and diagnoses. Unfortunately that's just how the cookie crumbles for some of us. I think I was fortunate to find him, but I know it's a lot different and even worse in other places. None of that is your fault. I'm very happy to hear that you're back in therapy and back on meds. I know it may be expensive and draining to do, but I want to encourage you to keep looking for the right match of therapist if you can. You deserve care, respect and help. You've done nothing wrong, all you want to do is learn how to play the hands of cards you've been dealt and be a functioning human being. And as @TransilvanianHunger said, "seeking attention" is kind of the whole point. We literally need attention, we're humans who are suffering and could go into crisis at any time. I suspect that's also why we're all here, to get attention from people who understand and won't put us through the wringer like some folks in real life may have. I'm both sorry and glad that you've found yourself here.

You're not a coward, and just by virtue of being yourself, I would consider you a very special and different person, unlike anyone else in the world, who deserves assistance and the attention you seek. It's not derogatory to need attention. I'm sending lots of love and wishing you lots of luck on your journey. If you need strength, I'm sure there are a lot of people who are lurking around here and willing to lend you some, including me. You are already very strong, and very brave, for just making it this far despite the challenges you've faced already. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

 

[Housefly]

I saw on another thread that you shared where you're from. Being from the same region, I want to offer a perspective on this. I know that there are so many different countries with vastly different cultures making up where we're from, but in certain ways, we share a culture between countries that unite us as a region. A big feature of that, to me, has always been the dismissal of mental health and mental illnesses in the name of religion. We're "demonic" when we show our symptoms, and we "don't have enough faith in [insert any god here]" when we inevitably don't get any better. Worst case scenario, we become someone on the streets that people record and laugh at, throw things at and take advantage of. I've seen it virtually everywhere. Unfortunately for us this is an attitude that bleeds even into our mental health institutions and workers' attitudes. We're treated more like actual demons and animals than people who need help. It's not your fault that they don't want to, or are not equipped right now to, help you. You still deserve the help.

I got a lot of shit for talking about things, too. I got called attention seeking and dumb even from my mom when I opened up to her about my diagnoses and the meds I had to take. It took me a long time to save up for those sessions and medications. It took me years to build up the courage to even get over the stigma of needing to see someone. I had to work so much but even so, after that, I completely shut down and stopped going to my therapist or psychiatrist, took the rest of my meds until the prescription ran out and just let myself go completely. It wasn't worth it being an attention seeker, so I get what you're feeling. Now I'm the one with a buzz cut, lol, and I don't want to take care of myself at all anymore. It's so sad to me that I couldn't heal at home. It's even sadder that you're going through something similar, pushing against a culture that wants to stuff you into the margins. I'm really sorry about that but it really is not either of our faults that we get treated this way.

They want us to justify our reasons because they don't believe in the very thing they studied to get in those seats and make the money they make, and I think that's sick. Not us. The general attitude toward the mentally ill is the issue, not us.

It took me shopping through a bunch of different councilors and therapists who only preached to me about God before I found a psychiatrist who actually offered a logical ear and diagnoses. Unfortunately that's just how the cookie crumbles for some of us. I think I was fortunate to find him, but I know it's a lot different and even worse in other places. None of that is your fault. I'm very happy to hear that you're back in therapy and back on meds. I know it may be expensive and draining to do, but I want to encourage you to keep looking for the right match of therapist if you can. You deserve care, respect and help. You've done nothing wrong, all you want to do is learn how to play the hands of cards you've been dealt and be a functioning human being. And as @TransilvanianHunger said, "seeking attention" is kind of the whole point. We literally need attention, we're humans who are suffering and could go into crisis at any time. I suspect that's also why we're all here, to get attention from people who understand and won't put us through the wringer like some folks in real life may have. I'm both sorry and glad that you've found yourself here.

You're not a coward, and just by virtue of being yourself, I would consider you a very special and different person, unlike anyone else in the world, who deserves assistance and the attention you seek. It's not derogatory to need attention. I'm sending lots of love and wishing you lots of luck on your journey. If you need strength, I'm sure there are a lot of people who are lurking around here and willing to lend you some, including me. You are already very strong, and very brave, for just making it this far despite the challenges you've faced already. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

Thank you so much. I tried to do the religion thing in earnest but it's not real. My parents don't even know I'm taking meds, they think I'm seeing the psych for an eating disorder because I've been losing weight dramatically. I'm trying, I'm sticking to the psychiatrist until I can get some sn, if you know anywhere I can get some in our region I'm down the chain.

Good luck on your journey as well