"seek therapy" sounds like "you're a burden" lol

[monetpompo]

​

I'm just thinking about how I'd be better off committing suicide if I'm so apathetic and negative about everything that I won't stop texting my friend that my life is meaningless and I'm a burden. I have to sound annoying. I don't want to keep guilt tripping him. I don't want to keep goading him into telling me I really am a burden and that he hates me. I don't know what I'm trying to get out of him telling me that. He tells me that I'm just making stuff up in my head, but I really do believe I'm a burden for being suicidal and jobless. I keep telling him to see it from my perspective, but he says it makes no sense to believe that no one in your life cares about you. I guess that's the normal way of seeing things. I've never been able to believe that people actually care or love me. I feel like I just exist to people. How do you not see yourself as a burden if you're mentally ill?

I'm just not a kid anymore. It's not like anyone has to intrinsically care about me in order to be a good person. When you get older people stop being concerned for you or really caring how you're doing. Just saying that I'm depressed over and over again won't make anyone want to talk to me more. I just feel like I'm some stupid loser bummer that needs to run away from everybody and talk to chatgpt so I never bother anyone again. I haven't been able to get therapy or medication, so I feel like I'm just getting worse. If I don't have either, even if I've tried to get them before, then people are just going to keep telling me to seek treatment because they don't want to deal with me. What do I do then? Can't I just die if no one wants me? Is that what's expected out of me if I can't get better?

I feel like there's a corpse that's rotting inside of me that'll only come out of me once I die. I don't know how to describe this suffocating feeling that's coming from my loneliness. I have an urge to reach out to people, but when I text them I get anxious that nothing I say is important or that they'll only text me out of obligation, so I should just stop talking. I don't feel normal or good at anything. I don't know what people are meant to do when they keep feeling like this and it doesn't go away. I've been feeling like this for so long and it worries people. Something's gone wrong with me.

 

[kunikuzushi]

It's so unbearable. I think the same things you wrote. If I can't find help because I'm such a huge burden just for asking for help over and over, then that means I can just die. I'm sorry for the pain and suffocating loneliness you're going through.

 

[monetpompo]

It's so unbearable. I think the same things you wrote. If I can't find help because I'm such a huge burden just for asking for help over and over, then that means I can just die. I'm sorry for the pain and suffocating loneliness you're going through.

we're fucked up. at least we can relate to each other. it's just so much worse when i try to reach out to people and they don't understand me at all. i feel so bad for even bringing it up instead of acting normal.

 

[Pluto]

 

[FishRain3469]

I can relate to every single word pretty much, and I Absolutely fckn hate it. It's Truly driving me into the ground, Day By Damn Day. It's maddening to say the Least.

Thank you for sharing this, you are certainly Not alone. ♥