Discussion Seeing or being around beautiful girls makes me sad?

[Darkhaven]

I have had this for a very long time.
It's like i know i would love to get to know these girls and possibly find a girlfriend, but then i remember my non existent social skills, which renders me almost like an alien when near other people. Then that realization leaves me sad for a while untill i forget it.
Have you ever experienced this?

 

[LastFlowers]

The only reason that would make me sad is because I can't experience what they have, through no control of my own. (Being able to have beauty, thus confidence and comfort in my own skin.) I do not wish to get into a relationship of that nature so seeing beautiful people would not make me sad for that reason. I also do not see them as any more worthy of getting to know, than anyone else. Although society often does, and this can make people more nervous to attempt to interact with them versus your average Joe/Jane. Is that what you experience? Or does this issue extend to any and all people?

I don't think you should desire to get to know people based on looks.
However, your lack of social skills, which may prevent you from connecting with anyone-beautiful or not-is understandably frustrating.
I am sure plenty of people can relate to that.
It can be hard to connect when you can not communicate. Or when you try to communicate, you end up being misunderstood. Sometimes it can be like you speak a different language. Is this perhaps what you mean, by feeling alien?

 

[Darkhaven]

The only reason that would make me sad is because I can't experience what they have, through no control of my own. (Being able to have beauty, thus confidence and comfort in my own skin.) I do not wish to get into a relationship of that nature so seeing beautiful people would not make me sad for that reason. I also do not see them as any more worthy of getting to know, than anyone else. Although society often does, and this can make people more nervous to attempt to interact with them versus your average Joe/Jane. Is that what you experience? Or does this issue extend to any and all people?

I don't think you should desire to get to know people based on looks.
However, your lack of social skills, which may prevent you from connecting with anyone-beautiful or not-is understandably frustrating.
I am sure plenty of people can relate to that.
It can be hard to connect when you can not communicate. Or when you try to communicate, you end up being misunderstood. Sometimes it can be like you speak a different language. Is this perhaps what you mean, by feeling alien?

I think people may take my shiness and overall coldness as a sign of arrogance. But that's not the case.
Also i have a hard time demonstrating empathy and that puts people away from me.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've had to deal with this since I've been in college for the past 8 years and it only got worse with age.

 

[JulienSorel]

I bought a painting of a girl a long time ago. It is very modest and respectful, and I it corrected my mentality towards women because that happened to be the mentality one ought to have. They're just people like the rest of us, albeit in a luckier, happier place.

 

[Darkhaven]

I've had to deal with this since I've been in college for the past 8 years and it only got worse with age.

That's what i have been fearing.
As i turn into an old sack of meat i will feel even worse. But i don't intend to linger that long!

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm a girl and I get more depressed when I see pretty girls because they look better than me while I'm an ugly piece of garbage. I can't look or be like those prettier and confident girls and that makes me feel like shit. They all have good lives, have friends, a lover and they're happy; I have none of that. I just constantly think about how alone I am.

 

[Edward1]

I think it might also be related to a sense of self affirmation. Unfortunately in this social media infested world, people feel they relate their self-worth to the prettiness of people; whether that be yourself, or the person you are in a relationship with. If you cannot approach or engage with beautiful people, it can lead to a sense of failed self validation.

 

[woxihuanni]

I think it might also be related to a sense of self affirmation. Unfortunately in this social media infested world, people feel they relate their self-worth to the prettiness of people; whether that be yourself, or the person you are in a relationship with. If you cannot approach or engage with beautiful people, it can lead to a sense of failed self validation.

It has sweet FA to do with social media. Since we are animals, and since a concept of beauty exists, this is how it is. We don't want to fuck people because they are very nice, we want to fuck them because they are fuckable. Fucking is the foundation of building a family, the most basic need for everyone, apparently even for psychopaths, because they build families, too.

Let me put it this way, gender dysphoria is a thing and is valid. So if your body is not what YOU want it to be, it is perfectly understandable you don't want to live in it. What the fuck guarantees that anybody's body will be to their taste, so long as it is the right sex? What if, for instance, your gender and sex is male, but you lack good visual indications of masculinity, so you spend all your life suffering because you don't feel your sexual identity is not up to par, so to say.

Every single body in this world needs to cut the crap. Look at Spartans, they got it perfectly right. Bad offpsring straight off the cliff, nobody grows up soulfully writing bad poetry because they can't fuck.

 

[Edward1]

I appreciate your response @woxihuanni a lot of which I wouldn't question. I think it is safe to say though that mass communication helps to reinforce the concept you so eloquently set out. Where I would differ from your opinion is the point in self consciousness, and self awareness. We self portray in certain ways and if left unchecked, or if the brain is wired in a certain way, it can lead to a feedback loop of one's position in the social hierarchy. As a case in point, I know outwardly funny and confident less attractive people with beautiful partners, and beautiful people with low self esteem, with abusive total and losers.

 

[woxihuanni]

I appreciate your response @woxihuanni a lot of which I wouldn't question. I think it is safe to say though that mass communication helps to reinforce the concept you so eloquently set out. Where I would differ from your opinion is the point in self consciousness, and self awareness. We self portray in certain ways and if left unchecked, or if the brain is wired in a certain way, it can lead to a feedback loop of one's position in the social hierarchy. As a case in point, I know outwardly funny and confident less attractive people with beautiful partners, and beautiful people with low self esteem, with abusive total and losers.

Sure, one's opinion of one's looks can be skewed as well. Another problem is that, too much of the 'I'm so secure in myself' stance can also be sexually off-putting. It's all a fucking headache, really.

 

[262653]

The feeling that you have nothing to lose while others seem to have it all, can be very empowering. It is for me at least.

When I feal really shitty after yet another failed attempt, I do enjoy colliding with random strangers on the street, preferably pretty ones, couples and those emitting "alpha" auras, who oftentimes represent the same person. Having a meat grinder instead of a face would probably make things much more drastic (in the violent side), but I can't tell, because I don't, but I'm not considering myself conventionally pretty either.

 

[StillWaiting]

It makes me feel sad to know that they are living in a different world from me. At least from what I see, someone who is able to experience joy, hang out with people , achieving goals , living life normally and etc just make me feel these people are out of reach.
It drives me crazy not being able to understand how I can not be like them just doing normal things to enjoy small little things in life.

And about liking those girls ? I will always think they deserve someone better than me. So I always draw a distance from me and them so that I can just admire them from far

 

[Tom9999]

We self portray in certain ways and if left unchecked, or if the brain is wired in a certain way, it can lead to a feedback loop of one's position in the social hierarchy.

Very insightful and well put. Abused children very often have as a result brains wired to keep them at the bottom. This is one of the most detrimental, insidious, and correction-resistant maladaptions.

 

[Nobodysfault]

I have had this for a very long time.
It's like i know i would love to get to know these girls and possibly find a girlfriend, but then i remember my non existent social skills, which renders me almost like an alien when near other people. Then that realization leaves me sad for a while untill i forget it.
Have you ever experienced this?

Im a girl, being next to beautiful people makes me go crazy inside, theyre both beautiful and normal- not fair. It makes me anxious as well since i never even kissed a boy( im 24+) but just so youd know, not all pretty girls you see are actually pretty, some of them has ugly bodies hidden underneath their bra and pants. People think i look good, but thats only cause they havent seen my naked, havent seen what being in bed and yoyo dieting has done to my breasts and ass. Anyway, life sucks.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I have had this for a very long time.
It's like i know i would love to get to know these girls and possibly find a girlfriend, but then i remember my non existent social skills, which renders me almost like an alien when near other people. Then that realization leaves me sad for a while untill i forget it.
Have you ever experienced this?

Does this make you want to kill yourself? I'm only asking because this page is about suicide. if not, I bet seeing a therapist and figuring out tools to help you deal with this problem and be more comfortable in your own skin would help. I don't know if it's actually about pretty girls or of your lack of self confidence. I've been called beautiful many times but no one was ever afraid to talk to me. Maybe it's because I'm so outgoing and I talk to everyone. But just think it over. I think this is a problem you can overcome.

I have had this for a very long time.
It's like i know i would love to get to know these girls and possibly find a girlfriend, but then i remember my non existent social skills, which renders me almost like an alien when near other people. Then that realization leaves me sad for a while untill i forget it.
Have you ever experienced this?

Does this make you want to kill yourself? I'm only asking because this page is about suicide. if not, I bet seeing a therapist and figuring out tools to help you deal with this problem and be more comfortable in your own skin would help. I don't know if it's actually about pretty girls or of your lack of self confidence. I've been called beautiful many times but no one was ever afraid to talk to me. Maybe it's because I'm so outgoing and I talk to everyone. But just think it over. I think this is a problem you can overcome.

 

[Darkhaven]

Does this make you want to kill yourself? I'm only asking because this page is about suicide. if not, I bet seeing a therapist and figuring out tools to help you deal with this problem and be more comfortable in your own skin would help. I don't know if it's actually about pretty girls or of your lack of self confidence. I've been called beautiful many times but no one was ever afraid to talk to me. Maybe it's because I'm so outgoing and I talk to everyone. But just think it over. I think this is a problem you can overcome.

Does this make you want to kill yourself? I'm only asking because this page is about suicide. if not, I bet seeing a therapist and figuring out tools to help you deal with this problem and be more comfortable in your own skin would help. I don't know if it's actually about pretty girls or of your lack of self confidence. I've been called beautiful many times but no one was ever afraid to talk to me. Maybe it's because I'm so outgoing and I talk to everyone. But just think it over. I think this is a problem you can overcome.

No, this has nothing to do with my suicidal ideation.
By posting this here i was just trying to find and hear from people who have experienced the same.

 

[pole]

In a sense. honestly, whether its both, like a good looking dude, or a pretty girl together, or even just seeing groups of people on campus happy as hell, enjoying life; it makes me happy but makes me sad for myself and i just ask myself, why not me? i guess we wish we had a chance to experience what others experience, and seeing others experience what we want to experience just results in us self-ptying.

 

[Edward1]

Im a girl, being next to beautiful people makes me go crazy inside, theyre both beautiful and normal- not fair. It makes me anxious as well since i never even kissed a boy( im 24+) but just so youd know, not all pretty girls you see are actually pretty, some of them has ugly bodies hidden underneath their bra and pants. People think i look good, but thats only cause they havent seen my naked, havent seen what being in bed and yoyo dieting has done to my breasts and ass. Anyway, life sucks.

Good to get a take from a girl's point of view on this. I use to just freeze up altogether. I worked in TV and was around famous women all the time. Couldn't get a word out. I went to therapy for it and found out it's generally defined as 'pedestalling'; holding a person in high regard based upon a preconceived notion or ideal. Unfortunately knowing what it's called didn't help me. Just carried on in life telling myself I'm pedestalling. Marvelous

 

[MrNobody]

Ninety-nine per cent of the people who have a partner/great friends did not read a book on how to achieve it. They did not study any of it. They did not seek advice on forums. They probably don't even think about it. They simply are.

Why are we unable to connect with the people we want, then? Perhaps we are a result of the environment we grew up in. For example, no one can deny that getting bullied in school every day would mean you are far more likely to distrust, misunderstand, and even shun people around you in the future than someone who was surrounded by warm and supporting people.

Perhaps you have different thoughts clashing together and arguing whether you want to be closer to that person you like. Am I seeking to fill the gaps in my mood and happiness at the expense of another person? Do I even deserve to get more than I have now, being the person that I am now? Who am I, to put myself forward? How much should I focus on myself? Is forming relationships part of the focus on myself? Am I a pretender?

As I begin to wonder why I am not who I want to be, I can't do it without wondering why I want to be who I want to be. As such, I start wondering about the very purpose of a relationship, and whether or not a person who is content with himself would seek someone to complete them? When I realize that the vast majority of relationships are a result of people not being content with themselves, I start thinking what is this feeling of content at all?

After all, it is my mind which judges that these happy couples are happy.

 

[woxihuanni]

As such, I start wondering about the very purpose of a relationship, and whether or not a person who is content with himself would seek someone to complete them? When I realize that the vast majority of relationships are a result of people not being content with their selves, I start thinking what is this feeling of content at all?

After all, it is my mind which judges that these happy couples are happy.

You raise good points, because it is mostly animal stuff that does not come with thinking at all. But for contentment: You can be perfectly content with yourself but you cannot spoon yourself. I suppose the more content you are, the more compatible a partner you will seek, not some desperate? bid for contrast.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Ninety-nine per cent of the people who have a partner/great friends did not read a book on how to achieve it. They did not study any of it. They did not seek advice on forums. They probably don't even think about it. They simply are.

Why are we unable to connect with the people we want, then? Perhaps we are a result of the environment we grew up in. For example, no one can deny that getting bullied in school every day would mean you are far more likely to distrust, misunderstand, and even shun people around you in the future than someone who was surrounded by warm and supporting people.

Perhaps you have different thoughts clashing together and arguing whether you want to be closer to that person you like. Am I seeking to fill the gaps in my mood and happiness at the expense of another person? Do I even deserve to get more than I have now, being the person that I am now? Who am I, to put myself forward? How much should I focus on myself? Is forming relationships part of the focus on myself? Am I a pretender?

As I begin to wonder why I am not who I want to be, I can't do it without wondering why I want to be who I want to be. As such, I start wondering about the very purpose of a relationship, and whether or not a person who is content with himself would seek someone to complete them? When I realize that the vast majority of relationships are a result of people not being content with themselves, I start thinking what is this feeling of content at all?

After all, it is my mind which judges that these happy couples are happy.

We share the same thought processes in this regard. Years ago if asked who I want to be I would have probably made some sort of semi concrete description of that person. Now there's absolutely no figure or form in mind. I feel discomfort regularly regarding my inability to attract a mate (and friends pretty much), yet I often find myself wondering if it is of any real value to myself to desire such a thing in the first place.

 

[MrNobody]

You raise good points, because it is mostly animal stuff that does not come with thinking at all. But for contentment: You can be perfectly content with yourself but you cannot spoon yourself. I suppose the more content you are, the more compatible a partner you will seek, not some desperate? bid for contrast.

True, our expectations change as we change.

Just as people tend to listen to different kinds of music depending on the mood, I think it's fair to say that our judgement of other people is also directly linked to how we are feeling inside at the moment of judgement.

And just to clarify my saying that people connect by simply being who they are, I think it's important to make a distinction here between connecting with the people we can connect with, and people with whom we could connect. For the former we merely need to re-think our thinking. For the latter, we may need to change who we are as a person.

We share the same thought processes in this regard. Years ago if asked who I want to be I would have probably made some sort of semi concrete description of that person. Now there's absolutely no figure or form in mind. I feel discomfort regularly regarding my inability to attract a mate (and friends pretty much), yet I often find myself wondering if it is of any real value to myself to desire such a thing in the first place.

And it is an excellent question to ask ourselves.

How come I feel happy when I see a person I admire smile because of something I said to them? What is truly the source of this feeling? Is it the person I was speaking to? No. The source is the mind, which thought of this feeling all by itself based on the sensory information when you looked at the other person.

So if everything that is required to generate the happy feeling is in mind, how come we can't do it on a whim? How come our brain, which seemingly should be our best friend, is saying "you may not feel happy until you adapt to the behaviour of this group of people"? Perhaps those are evolutionary filters, designed for your survival and procreation. Perhaps what your mind is now is just a mere potential of what it could be, and so we begin to wonder how much potential there really is?

What if we could rewire the very core of how we react to everyday sensory information? What if I could learn to think of the same happiness when I look at a flowing river just as when I look at a person I trust and admire? How much can we truly achieve just by thinking, and, should we try to achieve it all?